Would you go nc with your parents for this

I'm utterly baffled that your first thought is to go no contact. Why? Seems very very extreme.

From some one that was kicked out at 16 i think your over reacting, parents get their life back when children are older, they happily potter about doing their own thing while your out, a third party always upsets the equilibrium no matter where or who that is, i think its time you moved out and stood on own two feet to be honest. They are not being horrible just used to their own and your routine.

Nothing in the thread is about work.

No one asked her to work more.

She said she has nothing to do and wants to save up money so people said she COULD get an extra job but its nothing to do with her situation just a suggestion as she has literally nothing to do but cannot be in the house (which is not in any way 'hers').

Being there when an adult child NEEDS you and being responsible 24/7 for an adult who refuses to grow up is wildly different.

No one who expects able adult children to act like adults is 'less of a parent', it the bare minimum basic you should expect if you raised your kids right.

It really weird how proud some people are of claiming to raise entitled mooching brats with no respect for their parents time or space if they think OPs behavior is remotely acceptable let alone 'expected'.

Her parents didn't mention ANYTHING about her working, they just don't what her in their space unexpected and uninvited which she just dropped on them without even asking.

OP framed this as a "should I go NC?" question.

To me, it's a binary question

1. Is this a "last straw" type scenario, where the parents have always been emotionally unavailable and OP has tried repeatedly over the years (probably from early childhood) to get their approval and try to form a better relationship (which may be why she is so keen on family activities), but is constantly met with negativity?
2. Is this a one off and OP has had a great childhood, parents are normally supportive and helpful, and she's simply shocked that for the first time they have suggested that they might not want to bend over backwards to accommodate her every whim?

One is a possible NC (though I'd probably start with other strategies first, if not already tried) situation. The other is a sign of immaturity.

They haven’t even said work more just do something other than sit at home and work. She’s 23. Sounds like they are trying to give her a shove to independence and Op is resistant and still viewing herself as a child.

They haven’t asked her to move out.
Op’s comment about other thread - the parents should go to their bedroom if they want privacy shows a complete lack of awareness about adult relationships (that mum just wanted a nice meal with her husband as a date night without 24 year old constantly interrupting)
I love my adult dc and enjoy spending time with her, we still holiday together etc but you do also want to spend time with your husband as a couple.

But they're not threatening to kick her out and to do so would be awful on them. They are asking her to work more! Full time hours are that for a reason.

Why would it be awful of them? Follow their rules or live somewhere else is perfectly reasonable.
They actually just told her "to do something with it". She doesn't have to work. She could take up a hobby.

@Cel119

In an Asian family, her parents would have said "great, here's your list of chores for the extra day" ..

Even if she's paying rent, she does not get to do what she wants in their house. They can tell her which rooms she can use and when, and tell her to leave at any time. Saying they don't want her moping around every Friday is extremely reasonable. Plenty of things she could do besides work or hang around her parents.

So no personal responsibility for OP? Just blame the parents? Presumably your son is already an independent adult for you to be so comfortable up on that high horse?

Exactly - I don't understand where this attitude came from where if an adult child pays rent, they are suddenly equal to their parents in their house.

It's still their parents house and their parents set the rules. If the parents want time to themselves or more of a contribution to chores, that's what the adult child needs to do.

If she is paying rent then, yes, she has a right to do what she wants within reason with her time. A parent cannot tell someone to work extra hours when they are already working full time hours. It's not healthy and not right for them.

Rent or not, she doesn't have any rights because she's not a tenant with a contract, she's an adult child who can be kicked out at a moments' notice.

I suspect OP’s parents are worried about her. She goes to work and gym but on own admission doesn’t go out at night or weekends. It sounds very limited life for a 23 year old.

OP can live HER life when she supports her life.

She has conveniantly not mentioned paying rent or doing any chores despite being asked constantly if she does. The take away being that she doesn't. Even if she does she is a LODGER and lodgers don't have rights to do whatever they want either.

Imagine thinking your can be 'assertive' and 'put your foot down' in telling your parents what rules they can have in their house lol.

No one mentioned a child at all, you pulled that out your ass... OP is clearly too immature to be parenting. She can't even look after herself.

So you moved straight from co-dependant living with mother to fiance/husband?

Using parents financially well into adulthood then cutting them off because it no longer suits you and something better came along while threatening to dump them in a care home because they didn't offer to still wipe your arse at 23 is DEFINITELY manipulative abuse.

Yes those awful uncaring parents that have gone above and beyond sacrificing their time, space and money for the last 5 years so their adult daughter can doss around the house and refuse to grow up and threaten them with manipulative behaviors.

No it isn't.

What you and OP are describing is NOT abuse by parents its abuse by the child.

Again @angeldelite that's great if it worked for you and your mum.

But everyone is different and it's perfectly okay for you to want your adult kids to move out and make their own way in the world.

I personally don't understand this expectation that parents have to house their kids almost indefinitely. I would have hated living at home in my thirties and many people would be completely put off a potential partner who had never lived independently of mum and dad.

For me, living at home until you're thirty is stunting and not healthy for anyone. Lots of people feel differently but OP's parents are clearly more in the former category.

Exactly. She sounds needy. Not independent.

My mum wanted more for me, which is why she let me live at home and save for a house. I got married in my early 30s. My house is now worth over a million.

This would never have been possible if my mum hadn’t let me live with her.

And when the time comes, mum will move in with me, either into the house or an annex.

Well if it works for you, great.

But many people want more for their children than for them to still be living with mum and dad in their thirties 🤷‍♀️

Disabilities etc. aside, I'd feel like I'd failed as a parent if my children hadn't reached independence by then.