Would you go nc with your parents for this

Maybe they don’t want you around an extra day because you are so dramatic?!

seriously though - this is way over the top and maybe you need to think why that is.

FFS. This is not your hill to die on. If you go NC over this, once you've moved out, then you are a fool.

Get a social life other than your family.
Move out.

Sorry but this is so bizarre. Going NC with your parents because they’re annoyed you’re going to be at home one extra day a week? I agree it’s unfair and they’re obviously making you feel a bit unwelcome but going NC is such an extreme overreaction. Is there something you just aren’t telling us?

I personally feel like this is a heartless and unnecessary way to treat a child in their home but I'm prepared to accept most people disagree with me and that's fine.

Imo you're wrong

But if you want things to change - move out

But you're not a child in their home, you're an adult.

And they're hardly being heartless! When you talk like this you demonstrate you have no understanding of real mistreatment or suffering (which quite frankly is insulting to those that do).

Going nc with them after you move out just sounds like a selfish, spiteful temper tantrum designed to punish them because they hurt your feelings, which is no way to behave.

You can't go through life treating people like that, not only will you not get far, but it's borderline abusive of you.

Your parents have let you live you at home into adulthood & judging by your attitude seem to have done (a) a lot for you and (b) given you a lot. One would would hope you were appreciative but you just sound selfish & spiteful.

You've quite clearly but the kibosh on their Friday afternoon sex parties

@giantcolouringbook

First off, what your dad does or doesn't do isn't relevant. He's worked his years and is entitled to do nothing if he wishes. I remember my dad sipping coffee and watching the rain out the window or puttering in his garden and it made me so happy to see him doing exactly what he wanted after working for 40 years. Same with Mum when she retired. They put in their hard graft. You haven't.

Can you clarify what your parents mean by 'doing something'? Do they think you don't pitch in enough with cleaning, cooking, home 'duties' so they want you to use your extra day off to do your 'fair share'? My adult child lounging around whilst I was doing all the housework would piss me off too. Because you're an adult, not a child, and should be carrying your share of the domestic load, just as you would if you were sharing a flat with roommates. And before you ask, yes, our youngest son is currently at home. He does his share of 'upkeep'. We have acreage and he works outside plus does a share of 'inside' jobs as well as cleaning up after himself in the 'communal' parts of the house and keeping his room clean. Do you?

It's really not 'meant' for adult children to be living with their parents. But I know that the housing market, both where I live and in the UK, is just ridiculous and 'young folk' cannot find affordable flats, especially kids just starting out. So in a way our generations are having to make up rules as we go along. But the main rule is "Do your share". If your mum and dad are cooking for you, doing your laundry, cleaning your 'living spaces' and having to clean up after you in the house, you are acting like a child.

I don't mean that you should become their skivvy. I mean you should be an equal contributor to the upkeep of the household. And paying them rent doesn't absolve you from doing your share. If you paid a landlord rent would you expect the landlord to come clean your flat or do your laundry as part of the rent payment? Of course not. Your rent to your parents pays for the increase in their household running costs and extra food, not maid service.

The thing is, what other people do (in the UK or elsewhere) is irrelevant. What MN thinks of 16 and 19 year olds is also irrelevant.

I also don't think it matters that she pays her own way - that should be a totally standard thing for a 23 year old who works full-time and lives at home to do.

If she wants the independence of being an adult who chooses how she spends her time, then she needs to do that in her own place. You can't choose to live at home in your 20's and simultaneously expect to just do whatever you want regardless of the impact it has on your parents and the other members of your household.

Her parents don't sound like dicks at all - they sound like they want their adult daughter in her twenties to move out and do something with her life, not loiter around their house three days a week doing nothing. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation.

EDIT: I say all the above as someone who lived at home on/off throughout my twenties, for reference.

No, I'd just move out and be thankful I was able to stay with my parents while I needed to.

Sweet lord no. I dunno about any one else but I am wrecked when I come home from work
and was in my twenties too. get home cook dinner and walk dogs prepare for next day. when you are not home till 6 or 7 sometimes from work you don't have much time to do anything in evenings. I love relaxing in my home after work

OP, I really don't think you're listening to what some people are saying. My daughter is in her early 30s and moved back in with us in April. Her husband is still working overseas, so most of the time she is here on her own. She currently works in another city for two days per week with a three hour commute, and works from home for the other three days. I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything for her. But she left home to start her own life several years ago, and my husband is now retired, whilst I am only working part time. Now we are older, we are very set in our ways and we have got used to the way we live. Like your father, my husband spends much of his time pottering around the house and garden and what seems like 'just watching TV and pottering around the garden' is your father's way of life, but you seem to be belittling this.

I don't think you can begin to understand how disruptive it can be to have an adult child living in your home when you get to retirement age. I would do anything for my daughter, and completely reorganised our upstairs rooms to accommodate her and her husband, but that doesn't mean it's easy to live with her in our house as an adult, and if she changed her work pattern, thst would have an impact on my working practice and my husband's pottering.

Try understanding how your parents feel - they have worked all their lives and deserve to live in whatever way they choose now that they are of retirement age. And try showing them some respect - they don't have to put up with your sense of entitlement and lack of consideration at your age.

Maybe you're NOT awfully welcome, long term. Have you considered how hard it is for them to still have an adult child in their home? Everything seems to be about your feelings but what about theirs? Maybe Dad just wants a quiet life in retirement - there's nothing wrong with that.

Maybe the hint they're giving is that they need you to hurry up and move out? It sounds like you are around them a lot if they are resisting time together in the evenings and have to state that they just want to do 'their own thing'. Are you a lot to be around? Do you talk a lot? Do you monopolise the TV? Do you help with the cooking and cleaning?

You don't mention seeing friends at all. Are you struggling socially and perhaps pressuring your parents to fill your time a bit too much? Would you potentially be better starting a new hobby or maybe joining a sports team so you meet new people and get to socialise more?Maybe they're worried about you and the harsh words are a (somewhat clumsy) attempt to push you into going out and enjoying life a bit more?

I think you might need to have a bit of an assessment of your life, OP.

As for going NC with them over this, that would be a staggering over reaction. All they've done is give you an opinion and a new house rule - this is in no way a reason to cut them off long term!

Give them time to calm down then talk to them about it. Ask them what their concerns are and try to come to a compromise.

Youre in no position to go N/C with parents you still live with! Grow up!

Move out and you will find your relationship with parents will improve. Have a look at Rightmove straight away1

Your parent have spent 23 years bringing you up, running round after you as a child and are now wanting to enjoy their retirement; while you are encouraging them to do family things at the weekend.
Do you help with household chores, making meals etc?
My kids are now 18 and 15 I love the fact that they now spend some time out with friends etc, and I have more 'me' time, doesn't mean I love them any less. I just enjoy my time doing stuff that I have put on hold while bringing them up.
My parents both died a few years ago and I miss them everyday, don't contemplate going nc on something so trivial, unless there is more to the story.

That still means I'm at work 4 days.
I try to do things as a family but they always want to do their own thing, even in the evening.
I personally feel like this is a heartless and unnecessary way to treat a child in their home-

@giantcolouringbook Having read this recent update, I have to say that it sounds very likely, that you are, in fact, not willing to grow up and behave like an adult, but still looking to be treated as if you are still a child.

No matter how much we love our children, we do our best to prepare them to become independent as they reach adulthood. It isn't at all normal for a 23 year old to be expecting to get their company all or most of the time from their parents, which is what you seem to be doing.

If you are constantly invading their space in the Living room, watching the main or only TV and trying to get them to have lots of 'Family Time' then I am not surprised that they aren't happy. That isn't their daily 'role' any more and you shouldn't be expecting them to do that still. You are now an adult and not a child and should be giving them some consideration.

As others have said, it would actually be the best thing for you to move out and learn to be independent. The fact you are talking about going NC after you move out, indicates a great deal of immaturity, not to mention you come across as very selfish and spoiled, I'm sorry to say as I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear

It's interesting as I come from a country where people leave home a lot later- and we usually dont start our twenties with 40k of debt for degree and living expenses.
I also know of quite a few people in the UK who still live at home or who in the past didnt study in another city and lived with their parents, saved up a lot more money and got on a property ladder quicker than many of those who spend thousands and thousands on crap uni accomodation, house shares etc.

I find in Mumsnet there is this funny thing- sometiems at 25 you're still 'young' and sometimes people consider you old, experienced and someone who should have moved out at 16. But then when convenient at 16 you are an adult, But at 19 when convenient again you are still a developing young person. So depending on the thread you are either too young or too old.

OP is paying her way through in her house. Her parents sound a bit like dicks. If her dad wants to watch TV what does he care she sits in her room listening to music or makes a sandwich in the kitchen, unless his hobby is dancing naked to Flashdance, then maybe, yeah.

How have they treated you throughout your life? If your reaction to this is to go NC, I'd imagine there's something else going on?

It's not nice to be told this by your parents, but it's their home and from the sounds of it, they want their space back.

You're their child, but you're not a child. Your parents just want their own house to themselves sometimes. It's normal to look forward to that when your children reach adulthood.

But you're not a child.
You are their child but you're not a child.
You're an adult and it sounds like they want you to move out.

They should be nicer about it. They ought to be encouraging you to move out in a supportive way.

Honestly OP move out. Maybe get a second job.

It might be the case that your parents don’t understand compressed hours and think that you are willingly taking a pay cut. My parents didn’t understand the modern world of work and got very cross when I took annual leave. They insisted it would jeopardise my position and my telling them for years that it was use it or lose it fell on deaf ears.

My dm also thought one should only book annual leave in blocks of fortnights and again, spent years insisting I would be fired. She also used to say I needed to be “careful” about expressing opinions or again, I’d be fired. I’d reached a fairly senior level by then so the buck often stopped with me. Not. A. Clue.

When she gets her own place, she can spend as much time hanging about there as she likes.

But in the meantime, she's 23 and her parents don't want her hanging about all the time, which is 100% fair enough - and if she doesn't want to socialise, I'm sure she can find plenty of other things to do with her time.

I'm also not particularly sociable and spend a lot of time at home - the difference is it's my house and I can do whatever I like in it. If OP wants the freedom of being an adult then she needs to fund that herself, not depend on her parents.

You need to move out. They’ve had it. You work FT. They’re not quite as excited at the prospect of an extra day of your company as you seem to think.

What a funny family you seem.

'I try to do things as a family but they always want to do their own thing'

Have you not been able to take the hint from this? They want to do their own thing. That is completely normal. And allowed. Listen to what they want rather than just what you want.