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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is Sweet 16 really a big deal?

140 replies

Cantinfluenceme · 01/09/2024 09:40

So my sister has 4 daughters, around a year between them all, the eldest of them will be 16 next month. We have just received a birthday invite in the post (I see her all the time so wondering why it had to be posted also). This invite was fancier than a wedding invitation, inviting us to her 'Sweet Sixteen' birthday celebration. In the invite is the restaurant details with a nicely worded poem letting us know that they would like our company but we pay for our own food. Also complete with a QR code with a link to an Amazon wish list for my niece.. I've had a look and presents range from £50 to £500 😳. I'm flabbergasted by the whole thing.. is this a thing? Do I have to fork out for this for the next 4 years as the other girls turn 16, then again I presume at 18 and 21??? AIBU to say this is totally over the top for a sixteenth birthday? Myself and my husband and 3 kids are all invited and will be expected to be there, I have kids of my own that are older and younger and wouldn't have even considered this age that much of a special birthday?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantinfluenceme · 02/09/2024 09:26

RaspberryWhirls · 02/09/2024 09:00

@caringcarer I completely agree, this is a cheap way to have a Tiktok sweet 16 party for likes on SM. Your sister & her dd are cheeky fuckers expecting people to pay to attend their celebration.

Show quote history

My sis is obsessed with social media and posts constantly.. so yes I do believe this is partly 'All for the gram'.

OP posts:
RaspberryWhirls · 02/09/2024 09:00

caringcarer · 01/09/2024 23:02

It's very rude to invite guests but say you have to pay for yourself and buy your niece a £50 plus gift. If you invite people you pay the bill.

@caringcarer I completely agree, this is a cheap way to have a Tiktok sweet 16 party for likes on SM. Your sister & her dd are cheeky fuckers expecting people to pay to attend their celebration.

probster · 02/09/2024 08:56

Anisty · 01/09/2024 21:30

My daughter was 16 last year and just did bowling and pizza with a few pals, which we paid for. She didn't even have a cake.

However, a funny thing happened 3 years back with my son. He left home at 19 and moved a fair distance away. We don't see much of him and we didn't see him at all in the pandemic.

Anyway - during the pandemic he started seeing a girl, she moved in and it was a serious relationship by the time Britain got moving again.

So - first contact i have with this girl is when she gets in touch with me to say our son is turning 25 - ¼ century and she wants to us to help her organise a massive birthday for him as it's his 25th!!!!

And i was like what?????? 18, 21. 30 at a push. But never heard of 25 being a thing.

And never heard of 16 being a biggie either!

are they still together? @Anisty

did you refuse to get involved? she was obviously very loved up and wanted to do something special for your son. Shame to have been so scornful

ObliviousCoalmine · 02/09/2024 08:49

We had a family/friends bbq for my step sons 16th and he went out for dinner with his mum and her side of the family, he didn't seem bothered about a big hoopla. Some of his mates had a big thing though, one had a marquee!

Maybe it's what this one specific child wants and the rest might be more low key. You don't have to all go.

Beautiful3 · 02/09/2024 08:28

It was never a thing. Turning 18 was, where you were given a key 🗝 and could have your first night out on the pop! Turning 16 is American culture, it's in all their teenage/romance films/series. Which is where it's come from! I wouldn't mind paying for my own meal because I knew upfront. I'd just gift £20 in a card like I would any other birthday.

LlynTegid · 02/09/2024 08:12

CongratsOnYourLilBump · 01/09/2024 16:29

It's long been a thing in America.

But not the UK. Just do what you'd do for a normal birthday. I had relatives who politely said things like, "21 has always traditionally been the big birthday in our family, so apologies but we won't be giving a big gift for your 18th, just the usual sort." or "We don't believe in Baby Showers but will bring a gift when baby arrives." (not me, I didn't have one!) and no one took offence. I think there could be a polite way of making the point that you won't be entering the madness.

It's only going to escalate as this "Sweet 16" gets older...Prom, Result's Day, 18th, 21st, Graduation, Engagement, Hen, Bridal Shower, Wedding, Baby Showers, Sip and Sees...Expect lots of demands and CFery!

You forgot to add 'big' or 'milestone' birthdays to the list of nonsense.

abracadabra1980 · 02/09/2024 08:01

How pretentious. I guess if it's a big deal to them then that's their choice. My daughter was happy hanging out overnight in my camper van with her friends on the drive. Plenty of time in life for restaurants 🤔

Walkaround · 02/09/2024 07:51

How unbelievably greedy and self-centred to invite people to a meal they have to pay for and expect expensive gifts. It seems to me they want your money more and your company less.

SamPM · 01/09/2024 23:31

FixTheBone · 01/09/2024 10:36

In my growing up in the uk it has always been a minor one of the special birthdays, not as big as 18, but special because legally you could do more once you hit 16 such as get married, buy cigarettes or lottery tickets, so a landmark in the transition to adulthood and being able to make your own decisions.

Nothing like the US though where its completely OTT with limos, massive garden parties, cars as gifts in some of the extreme examples.

You should go, give a voucher (they should have had that as an option on the gift list in 5/10/20/25/50 increments).

Where does this happen in the US? I have lived here 20 odd years and never experienced this. My own daughter and all her mates turned 16 this past year and all each of them had were simple dinners out at favourite restaurant or small gatherings at home. Nothing really that special although some got cars.

SamPM · 01/09/2024 23:23

Tangerinenets · 01/09/2024 23:06

Just another American thing that some people have adopted here. My daughter nor any of her friends had big 16th birthdays.

It's not an American thing. Not in the Midwest anyway. I don't know anyone that does this. Now graduation from high school IS a big deal, much bigger deal than it was in the UK. Parties, overseas trips, money and gifts expected etc.

SamPM · 01/09/2024 23:20

They could at least cover the cost of the meal. The cheek!

MooFroo · 01/09/2024 23:18

It’s all hype and show off on social media!
Madness and expensive as heck!

do you all need to go to the meal? If not then just you go and if you have a DC who is close to their cousin take them with you - rather than all 5 of you?

Mermaidsarereal · 01/09/2024 23:14

When I was 16 I had a house party and all of my mates got smashed on a bottle of WKD each! I won't be doing this for my DD when she turns 16, although I will pay for a party for her 18th if that's what she wants.

Tangerinenets · 01/09/2024 23:06

Just another American thing that some people have adopted here. My daughter nor any of her friends had big 16th birthdays.

caringcarer · 01/09/2024 23:02

It's very rude to invite guests but say you have to pay for yourself and buy your niece a £50 plus gift. If you invite people you pay the bill.

Bigcat25 · 01/09/2024 22:50

Depends on your culture. My coworker from Central America got a second job cleaning to pay for her daughter's sweet 16 and spent over 10k Canadian. She's someone who never had any emergency savings at all so could have benefited from a safety net.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 01/09/2024 22:28

I think it's a stupid sexist notion. Ugh.

Tiredalwaystired · 01/09/2024 22:25

My daughter had her 16th a week into GCSE exams. Absolutely no time time worry about a massive party.

sadly she will be in a similar boat for her 18th, mind.

pizzaHeart · 01/09/2024 22:09

dinmin · 01/09/2024 10:33

Could it be that it’s just a family meal but there’s a fancy invite to make it feel more special for her? That could also explain (but not justify) the price levels of the presents?

or is it a full on (but PAYG) party with a load of friends etc?!

I wonder if it’s this^
I would buy her a gift card and treat as a normal birthday generally just with a special sweet 16th card.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 01/09/2024 22:03

PixieLaLar · 01/09/2024 21:40

I agree, even if the gift list was for an 18th or 21st birthday, expecting people to pay £50 - £500 on a present is incredibly rude and entitled.

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Absolutely- I gave my nephew £50 when he turned 18 but that is the last birthday I’m gonna send him anything because he’s an adult now. It has to stop at some point. If nephew had sent me a gift list like that (he’d never) I’d be deeply unimpressed.

And when I say I made a fuss of my own daughter’s 16th it was a girly weekend away because that is what she chose. We celebrated her birthday and our joint amazement that I’d managed to keep her alive for so long. So far. That was her toast to me anyway. if she’d wanted a party instead she could have had one but it wouldn’t be a flash one at a restaurant or anything.

Marinade · 01/09/2024 22:02

PixieLaLar · 01/09/2024 15:32

I don’t think that’s a thing….It use to be more of a big deal because 16 was seen as a stage in ‘growing up’ and more of a milestone. Yes you can legally have sex, but also legally marry, get a job and start thinking about being independent and responsible for your own future.

However now-a-days a 16 year old is practically treated like a little child who isn’t responsible for their own actions/behaviour because they are sooooo young - and we wonder why the majority are the way they are…..🙄

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Very true and the conflict between these two ideologies is quite intriguing... Why and how did the paradigm shift so extremely? Sixteen was previously seen as an age where maturity was deemed to emerge, albeit pre adult. Now it is very different.

PixieLaLar · 01/09/2024 21:40

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 01/09/2024 21:37

I made a fuss of my eldest child turning 16 and will do the same for my other kids when it’s their turn when they do, but I don’t expect other people to. I certainly wouldn’t send a frigging gift list to people unless they specifically asked. Really presumptuous imo. I wouldn’t expect any relative to spend £50+ on them, let alone £500! I don’t even spend £500 at a time on my kids.

I agree, even if the gift list was for an 18th or 21st birthday, expecting people to pay £50 - £500 on a present is incredibly rude and entitled.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 01/09/2024 21:37

I made a fuss of my eldest child turning 16 and will do the same for my other kids when it’s their turn when they do, but I don’t expect other people to. I certainly wouldn’t send a frigging gift list to people unless they specifically asked. Really presumptuous imo. I wouldn’t expect any relative to spend £50+ on them, let alone £500! I don’t even spend £500 at a time on my kids.

Anisty · 01/09/2024 21:30

My daughter was 16 last year and just did bowling and pizza with a few pals, which we paid for. She didn't even have a cake.

However, a funny thing happened 3 years back with my son. He left home at 19 and moved a fair distance away. We don't see much of him and we didn't see him at all in the pandemic.

Anyway - during the pandemic he started seeing a girl, she moved in and it was a serious relationship by the time Britain got moving again.

So - first contact i have with this girl is when she gets in touch with me to say our son is turning 25 - ¼ century and she wants to us to help her organise a massive birthday for him as it's his 25th!!!!

And i was like what?????? 18, 21. 30 at a push. But never heard of 25 being a thing.

And never heard of 16 being a biggie either!

PixieLaLar · 01/09/2024 21:21

probster · 01/09/2024 21:08

No, you don’t. Well, you have step children
one of who is violent and abhorrent to you . Probably a teen and probably drives your view on the “vast majority” of teens being such despicable creatures

i’ll hide the thread leave you to stew

🤷

Edited
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Erm yes I don’t have a good opinion or experience with teenagers, congrats for advanced searching me to clarify that. 👏