How do you 'recover' from a row?

Which is why I said 'meh' would annoy me as a response. I prefer honesty over lies and I think it's completely fair enough to say 'unfortunately this one isn't for me, I prefer your other cakes'.

It’s a cake, made for him. No one should have a burning need to ‘speak their truth’ in that scenario. Suck it up and be nice about the cake because your partner has gone to time and effort for you.

She’s not making a bad cake every week and expecting him to happily devour it when he hates it.

Manners matter and they mattered here.

Oh my gosh- are we the same person?! I made dinner for my DH, kids and my parents whilst we were all on holiday. We'd had a few days of heavy food so I made salmon with 'bits' (salad, coleslaw etc), but forgot to put the rice in. My DH ate the food and said "well that was kack without the rice" at the end, I was absolutely fuming!! He said he just meant he was still quite hungry and it wasn't personal, but I took it completely as unappreciative of all the bloody work I'd gone to. He did apologise, and I told him that it was the way it was said, that he could have said "I'm still hungry" or even "I wish I'd had a kebab"😂
I agree with the advice above, I have to accept he's a free agent who can dislike whatever he wants....but he also has to accept his words have consequences and needs to think about how he says it.

I would never advise people in a relationship to bite their tongue over things that cause them discomfort or inconvenience for the sake of politeness, but baking a cake and not responding with polite gratitude is really off.

I do all the household cooking and my DH is nothing but thankful and complimentary, even with my most dodgy cooking, because he is kind and considerate of my time, effort and feelings.

If every week you cooked him a banana cake and he hated bananas, then he can politely ask you if you’d mind cooking another type of cake so he could enjoy it more.

Sounds like he’s embarrassed at his behaviour but has too much pride to sincerely apologise or admit wrongdoing, which is childish and a ‘him problem’.

But he didn't think it was good. So by saying it was good but he prefers X he would be lying and then you might make it again because he said it was good.

Meh would also annoy me as a response but I don't think he can give you a response you would be happy with because you only seem to want a positive response and unless he lies that's not always possible.

Also, don't ask questions if you don't want real answers. Just pretend to yourself he loved it instead of asking if that's the only reaction that will make you happy.

Ooh, strong move.

Go for it. Find your power. Stop trying to please him. It’s so liberating.

When you get into a relationship on the basis that you will each work to make the other happy, and find you are the only one actually doing that, it’s hard. You keep going expecting that he’ll ’catch’ how to do relationships, or be so warmed by your care that he’ll care for you in return.

They don’t, in my experience. They just suck up your care and give nothing back. The antidote is to change your own behaviour.
Then re-evaluate if the relationship works for you. Mine is now much better. I’m no longer resentful. It’s enough. The imbalance has gone. It’s not the relationship I hoped for, but it’s enough. Just about!

He can't change and become more considerate

??? Yes, he absolutely can.

Getting over a row depends on the sincerity of his apology (in my eyes). Of course everyone is entitled to an opinion, but the idea of someone baking a cake for someone and them saying ‘meh’ is fucking rude and you should not speak to your spouse that way when they are doing something nice for you.

If his apology seems very heartfelt, that he’s reflected and understands why it was a shitty reaction to have, then fine, definitely move on. If it’s more of a ‘sorry you feel that way’ apology, then … I don’t know, I’d be having a bigger conversation about how he treats you.

I have to say I agree with this. It's pretty outrageous for him to say something so rude about a cake you'd lovingly baked for him. I think you're struggling to move on because the comment shows a worrying lack of respect for you, and your intuition is telling you to listen. I would say to him I'll forgive you this time but I'm not going to forget this, and if it turns into a pattern of rudeness you'll risk losing me.

But I do need to work on letting go.

What you are saying here is you need to work on accepting his utterly nasty behaviour towards you. You are not the problem here, don't you even dare 'work on' anything. He was downright rude and that is indicative of a man who does not give a shit about how you feel. The more you change yourself the worse this will get. A piece of cake seems so trivial to be analytical about your relationship, but if you are doing it, please realise you are not the problem

I think personally even if I didn't like something he had made me, I'd be careful to be kind! "This is good but I think your X recipe is better, thanks for baking for me'.

Yes because you're a considerate and caring person because you understand your own reactions and that informs how you respond to other people.

He probs doesn't have reactions like that. So to avoid this instead of trying to get him to be more considerate be wise about how you spend your time and how you care for him. I wouldn't be spending my time on something that he may not appreciate unless he loves taste...if you are doing it to receive praise from him. If you love cake make it for yourself and him or just not bake him cake.

He was really rude OP. You'd spent time and trouble creating something according to his whims and he acted like a spoilt teenager. I wouldn't make a cake for him again and I'd be rethinking doing all the cooking.

Well, you know what - meh is a bit rude - a 'thanks' with a follow up of something like ' it's not as good as your other cakes' would have have been polite.

'Meh' as a response is incredibly rude and dismissive. Why are you doing 100% of the cooking?

Rather than trying to analyse your own behaviour here, take a step back and realise he is actually the problem. You don't want to let go because actually he was really horrible to you about the cake. It's not you that's the issue. Ask yourself why he couldn't make an effort to say something nice, or even if he thought that cake was average, use more words to deliver that kindly. I think the problem is he is both rude and doesn't care too much about your feelings.

Would you rather that he said yes it's delicious then you make it regularly and he actually doesn't like it ? Honesty is always better than deceit even over trivial things like this

He sounds like a bit of a dick. I'd have reacted like you. He's rude.

I think saying meh is bloody rude actually and it's normal to be upset about that.
It's so cold and dismissive.

That said, you told him how you felt and he apologised and unless this is something he does to you a lot then you have to forget it.

Maybe explore what it is you feel you need in order to move on from things. He can't unsay it so it's finding a way to not obsess about it.

Easier said than done I know but it is something you can train yourself to do.

I think several things are happening-
-his behaviour- meh is rude. There are ways of saying it that are less rude and he needs to try some.
-your behaviour, in that you are considerate of what he needs and wants and are hurt that he isn’t the same.

The obvious answer to me is to stop making cake for him. Make cake when you want to make cake. Make cake for you.

I stopped making for other people when I realised they were just critics. Now I make for me, and don’t care whether they enjoy it or not. I’ve gone back to using aubergine and courgette when I cook, making lemon cake and coffee/walnut cake. If they want yet another chocolate cake they can make it themselves.

It’s a release and it’s healthier for us all. They have learned better manners when asking for things.

Also regarding your incident I would have been upset too, a response like "meh" is quite thoughtless especially after the time and effort you've made for him. It's disappointing too after the time made that it might not have been up to scratch.

My and DH struggle when we have a row because we disagree with how we resolve it and that makes things worse.

He thinks if he says sorry I shouldn't be annoyed anymore. Whereas I don't believe a sorry is a quick fix (especially if it's a reoccurring issue)

He also wants to fix things immediately and not dwell where as I need time away (10/20/30 minutes) to regulate, calm down and collect my thoughts but he doesn't let me and keeps coming in the room, or following me around "can we talk...can we sort this out now..I said I was sorry can we move on now ..."