To quit work and be a SAHM?

Leaving all this divorce talk aside i dont think this is a good idea. It sounds ideal at this stage of parenting it's very intense. In my experience it changes a lot and in ten years time it will be very different. I don't know many careers where you can seamlessly go back into after a long period out and by then your dh has got so used to you managing all the kids stuff that its a big adjustment.
I also wouldn't underestimate how boring and isolating being at home all the time is. Unless you have a wide circle of friends and relatives it really can impact your confidence. Also not to sound all doom but lots of us here would testify that you can feel very different in your late 40s to late 30s both physically and emotionally. You may regret giving up a career, pension and your identity in a way. Sorry to sound so negative but I have a few friends in this position and it is not good now the kids are in secondary and it goes so fast !
Could you both not go part time? This would be a much more equal way to share this good fortune out and secure your future. Its easy to get to thinking that life will always be the way it is now and its not.

It doesn’t sound like the inheritance is enough to cover your pension, and the hit to your personal earning ability from SaH could be high. So would want to consider your personal financial position in the scenario of divorce. Also your household position in the event of DH ill health.

I’d continue paid work.

Exactly. I’d feel so vulnerable if I was a SAHM.

@Lelophants

It's much more likely you'll want to divorce him. And feel trapped if you can't.

Men don't really like divorce, marriage is comfortable for them with SAHMs!

Every woman needs to protect herself

"no one gets to the end of their life and wishes they spent less time with their children".

It really isn't that simple. while no one wants to miss out on time with their kids, some parents might regret not putting enough time into their careers. Kids don't get any cheaper when they grow and I don't regret that I can offer them many opportunities we would not be able to afford on DHs salary alone.
I can also tell you that my good SAHM friend very much regrets her decision, as she cannot afford to divorce her husband. Different in different careers, but in many, you can't simply jump back in if you have not been working for 10+ years.

“I enjoy my job a lot, but it is high stress and complex, and leaves me exhausted at the end of the day, as does DH job.”

Do you think the rest of the world comes home well rested from work? You seem to think the two of you have it harder than other people.

I would have loved the option to be a SAHM so can understand your thinking.

However, my concern would be that if the worst happened and you split, your husband is potentially unlikely to accept you getting a fair share of what is essentially his inheritance and this could potentially lead to a lot of acrimony.

Having learned the hard way that even a happy marriage can go very sour when financial issues come in to play I’m not sure I’d place all my eggs in the inheritance basket.

Alternatively, we considered changing my working days so I worked when DH was off, and vice versa, but neither of us have the desire to do that as we enjoy spending time together as a family and don't want to work opposite days and never get to see each other.

Just a thought but could you split the difference here and work one of DH's non working days so he parents solo that day and then you still get plenty of family time

And half of all marriages don’t! I wouldn’t be miserable for my whole life just in case my husband secretly wants to divorce me. (This is for the general omg-you-cant-be-a-sahm comments). Being financially secure is always good :)

Is DH willing to put half of all assets in your sole name for protection + pension?

If not then no, don't risk your financial security in this way.

Half of all marriages end.

Just seen you are possible a nurse, me too, honestly stay registered I have so many friends who regret letting it lapse, I found a weekday job and as I said I am now self employed nurse

I would continue to work part time, you seriously underestimate the boredom and general slog of say at home parenting, I went part time and got a cleaner and paid for child care, yes I came away with about £60 after travel and work clothes but I still had a career, I wasn't stressed out in the thankless task of being a full time parent, or worker, when they hit 3 the money was great, it was all mine pretty much, so I could guilt free save and spend.
If my husband and me had split I still had a career I could step up to full time. The choices for working are so much better now, term time, annualised contracts for instance.
They are adults now and I am self employed earning £80,000 need to because over the pay 20 years we have had so many issues such as illness, children having special needs, car crash, moving abroad, recession, cost of living crisis, all these things slowly eroded my parents legacy to me which I got at 30, we have had to start again and are half way through a mortgage which I thought should have been paid off if life had been straight forward. Moving abroad in 2008 was an amazing thing to do but hammered our finances. Bought at the top of the market and sold at the bottom.
Basically don't expect life to be plane sailing also if my husband had announced he wanted to be a stay at home parent (at the time my second parent died I earned more than him) I would have ended up feeling very bitter, at the time of parents death when you are young you don't feel like you deserve the money and it feels disloyal to spend it, that enjoying life is wrong, so a lot of us displace that I put the money in the bank and ignored it for a long time. I can imagine if he said he would go part time I would have agreed then when I had processed things which took a few years to be honest at that point I would have been angry, my parents died and you stopped working!

What I would say is if you can afford it def go part time but like me, get a cleaner, so you can actually enjoy the time with them.

Yes I agree with you again 🙂

I’d never totally stop work. You never know what can happen. I’d get part time work, to cover the nursery fees at least. I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable eating into savings to pay nursery fees.

thing is op imo if you want to be at home not working you will need money,
money to go out, money for days out/treats what not

can you do a shift in a nursing home weekly?

Of course people have heard of shift work, and many will have done it. It doesn't change the fact he has 4 full days off per week.

Most people doing 12hr shift work average more than 3 shifts per week with weekends, rostered in too, etc.

There is no denying that a full weekend plus 2 full days off work each week is very comfortable working hours.

@blueshoes

It is when the children are teenagers that the tables are flipped. That is when mothers like me who kept their hand in and have got promotions over the years feel so very glad we did not take our foot off the career gas now that the children are leaving for university

This is the nub of the argument for me.

OP I think you are correct at the moment that your situation is pretty low risk: you have a decent financial cushion and I see no reason why you need to work now if you don’t want to.

The risk is over the long term: when your kids are teenagers you can rapidly start to feel quite obsolete and isolated with no work or at least nothing to focus on.

A lot of women find that they can get very lost at this time of life without a focus for their energy. It’s very hard to get back into a fulfilling career after that long out of work.

And yes you can volunteer and find interesting hobbies etc but you will find that you lose power and control in the family dynamic. I saw this happen to my mum, who went from having a really interesting career to basically being idle and pretty depressed by the time we were teenagers. She struggled to find fulfilling work and she had no financial independence outside the marriage. She became very bored and resentful.

I think take time off by all means but I would never recommend anyone become a career SAHM. Have a plan to get back into something, even if it’s volunteering or study. Being a person who only exists for their family is not long term a fulfilling life.

People here saying her husband ‘only’ works 3 days a week so isn’t full time. Haven’t they heard of shift work?! 12 hours a day x 3 equals 36, that is full time hours for a lot of people.

Yes - there is a lot of information about the effect of McCloud available, including for specific schemes, please make sure you both fully understand the position before making any decisions that you wouldn’t otherwise!

If you’re talking about the McCloud judgement it didn’t do that. It protected members for a period of time in relation to the change to CARE pensions but not for the next 30 years (assuming your husband is in his 30s as well).

Do it. I stayed home for 5 years until youngest went to school then I started not enjoying it and went back part time. It's such a small part of our working life if we retire late 60's. As long as you are both clear about how you want it to work. Enjoy every minute of it.

OP isn't talking about retiring though! Merely becoming a SAHM for a few short years whilst the DC are very young. She's a registered nurse and planning on working enough hours each if those years to retain her pin. Then will go back to work part-time.