To quit work and be a SAHM?

Go for it! You might change your mind in a few years & get bored (I did) but then you can just go back to work. You have a good qualification behind you & will keep your PIN number.

that’s just the short term figures though, and it doesn’t sound like your inheritance is enough to significantly reduce your personal financial risks if you SAH a few years. If you keep your nursing qualification ‘live’ that is better ‘insurance’ than most of us have.

If that's what you both want, go for it. I'm glad I had that time with my children. You'll be able to go back to work later. Keep paying into a pension and I personally would take dc out of nursery. There are cheaper ways of finding social opportunities.

My mum was a nurse who gave it up whilst we were growing up to SAHM. My dad was a doctor. She did go back to work pt when we were older, so it is true you can still get work as a nurse despite long periods out of the workplace.

The dynamic at home was very much all the domestic work was left to my mum by my dad. He did not do any housework at all. He did not respect my mum's opinions and her world became very small. She was the one who told me to always have my own job, career and independence and not rely on a man.

Granted OP will be keeping a toehold in her profession but it is difficult to know how over time roles get hardened and people's perceptions of each other change. Not to mention what the dcs pick up in terms of gender roles and ambition for girls especially.

To me it doesn't like you can really afford it without draining the inheritance over time.

You said your DH earns much more than you, but at the same time you'll only scraping by on his salary event without a mortgage, and that you'll be struggling if living costs increase and have to go back to work anyway.

I think the inheritance will just end up frittered away over time as it sounds like you're using its existence to justify moving to a lifestyle you can't really afford without it.

By all means give up work if you don't want to work and your husband will pick up the slack for you, though. A lot of people do it quite happily for many years.

Don̈'t sell your current house, let it out through an agent instead so you get an income from it. The house will give you security in case something happens later such as divorce or death. The house will also be a security for your children later on so you'll be shortsighted to sell it.

Instead of resigning from your job can you go part time or freelance to keep keep up with your pension & NI contributions?

It’s important to consider how this might change the dynamic of your relationship.

It sounds like your DH is possibly a doctor or in another well-respected profession. It may be hard to imagine it now, but after years of him going out to do that job each day (paid) while you’re at home putting his laundry away (unpaid), it’s very possible the way you think of each other will change.

You see it all the time on here. The respect for the stay-at-home parent just goes. The earner feels the stay-at-home parent should be grateful and the stay-at-home parent starts to feel it too so they don’t assert themselves the way they otherwise might.

To me this is as big a concern as the practical implications.

OP is relatively fortunate against that one, yes - she has one of the very few jobs where she can keep her hand in minimally and where demand is strong enough for her to go back in after a period of no or minimal work. But it is still something any woman and couple should consider before one person decides to SAH.

I have never said that OP shouldn't SAH. Just that planning for SAH should include planning for death, disability or desertion on the part of the earner, and the need to rapidly scale up income on the SAH partner's side if needed.

Well if this is about OP, she won't have zero monthly income. Because she'll still be working! 1-2 shifts a month. The availability of such work also indicates that the industry is short of staff.So no issues with her picking up again FT if she wanted to.

No. I agree that more men need to do it so it can become more equal and women aren’t automatically the default parent.

And for people banging on about “well what if he leaves you” and “what if he dies” - all of the current assets are marital and you would be entitled to half the savings, half the house. If, god forbid, he was to die, you’d get everything

...you do get, though, that if he were to die she'd have zero actual monthly income, right? Or indeed if he were to become incapacitated through poor health - cancer, mental health, car crash, whatever. And if they divorce then the same amount of money has to pay for two homes and two sets of bills and any maintenance will be well below what her DH currently earns. I have long ago lost count on here of the number of women posting deeply unhappy with men who treat them very poorly, but who then say, "I'm a SAHM, I can't afford to leave".

You can buffer yourself against these scenarios - life insurance, critical illness insurance, maintaining your own earning capacity and ability to scale up your income fast - but you have to consider and plan for them.

Just do it, who cares what anyone else thinks!

Sounds like you have worked it all out and you're both happy so no one else's business!

I've only got 12 months left until both are in school now, but if we had the money I would have stopped working very much while the children were in nursery years and just done the bare minimum to keep my career ticking over (I'm self employed, so say one project a month which would be 2-3 days fast work)

So women shouldn’t be able to do it because of that? Seems incredibly sexist and unfair. More men should be encouraged to take time off if it works for them.

OP, your plan sounds absolutely fine. It's the 'casual work/no career' bit that people don't seem to understand. Doesn't mean jacking in a professional job and working in a supermarket - just picking up work when it suits.
In some professional jobs the 'career' track means working your way up to management, but you can earn a decent living freelancing as an individual contributor.

The financial points r.e pension etc are valid but with savings of 100K+ per DC you have more than enough! Once they're older you can change your mind and step up work if needed

The issue isn’t with individual SAHM’s. They are just making what they believe is the best choice for their families.

But it does contribute to inequality in society as a whole. Men who can focus more on promotions, men who can work all hours without worrying about childcare etc it makes it harder for working women.

Not to mention it contributing to the gender pay gap etc.

Well then you have an issue with disgusting men, not sahm. Trust me, I know a number of women who work full time and are treated terribly by their husbands and expected to do everything still.

But life isn’t fair. Should two people be extra miserable just because other people have to as well?

Gross. You really think a lot of yourself and your “DH” (yuck). You’re better off out the workforce, you clearly can’t cope with it anyway. News flash: even a desk job can be emotionally and mentally draining. You’re worryingly naive… or perhaps just self centred

I agree. I think it’s more nuanced than ‘jealousy’. I’m not jealous in then slightest. I’m high earning and career focused. I’m very comfortable with this. I feel everyone should do what’s right for them as long as it doesn’t impact me.

However, sometimes SAHM does affect me when their DHs then come into work with disrespectful attitudes towards their female colleague's. For example, I had a colleague who has a SAHW. They had older teen kids. He used to boast about how she makes him a packed lunch for work everyday etc. He then asked me if I iron my DHs shirts and made his lunches. He seemed very surprised when I said that no, as a FT working woman, I don’t do that. He looked at me like I was a bad wife.

Also I’ve had to go up for promotion against men who don’t have to lift a finger at home because they are fully facilitated by their wives. They have 100% energy and focus on getting to the next level.

It’s not a level playing field. So whilst I take no issue with individual SAHM, it’s the impact on female workers which I do take issue with.

Some nice times with the kids before school, but the balance wasnt there for me. Even when I met other mums, I felt the conversation was often superficial and valid...I missed working on team projects, interacting with colleagues, thinking on my feet, problem solving etc etc.

This struck a chord with me. In my short period as SAHM, it can isolating and drudge. Then when you have adult company in the form of other mums, I found the conversations child-centered and a little shallow. I missed the buzz of working with colleagues and work camaraderie which other SAHMs could not provide. Love the word 'problem-solving'. I did not like the school gate social scene. Mentally it was easier if I knew I had work to escape to.

That could just be me, I accept. But when you plunge from a full on job like nursing to a SAHM-dom, you might find you cannot get excited about half the things that seem pivotal to that world, like how to get a slot with the best swimming teacher in that leisure centre.

This.

OP says she is not living off her inheritance but her dh's wage, but what is she going to retire on?

PS my dh is public sector. The pension career average reversal ruling did not apply to him. It does not apply to everyone.