DP lied about job

Your partner is the problem, not his environment. He cheated on you and if he's that way inclined, he'll do it again whether he's working in that industry or not.

Is he also never allowed to go out drinking with his friends again? Will he be able to go on holidays with his friends? He made the decision to stay out drinking, take drugs & cheat. Those things aren't compulsory in any profession!

Unless you literally lock him in his house and use camera surveillance you won't stop him! You speak of having standards as though your ultimatum demonstrates that you have high ones. Lift the bar a bit higher and walk away. Don't let his man turn to into a jealous, paranoid, controlling partner.

God almighty, why on earth are people saying she is being controlling.

The OP was cheated on. She is well within her rights to say that she will only continue the relationship under certain circumstances. She's not forcing him to leave the industry, he had a choice.

He made that choice when he lied to her again. He chose that lifestyle over her.

There's no point continuing this relationship.

Is he a superstar DJ? Is that why you're being evasive about the industry?

Getting someone out of the kind of job you describe, sure I'd want them out. But they are an adult. Adults make choices. Now if he wanted out because of the drink and drugs, he would have left without your help.
He doesnt want out, he wants to do the drink and drugs, hes addicted. You stand zero chance of helping him unless and until he wants help.
Your relationship is over. Until he wants the same things you do. By which time I really hope you have moved on.

Sounds like a chef to me as OP mentions shifts.

You can't change a person and you can't dictate what he does with his life with ultimatums. It's not that easy to change career and maybe he just doesn't want to, so leave him to it.

If he's not what you want, which he clearly isn't, end it and don't pick it up again this time round.

YADNBU
It's a losing battle I'm afraid.

Wild horses won't stop him because he is addicted to his lifestyle of mates, drink and drugs. This IS him.

It doesn't matter how lovely he is, or how well you get on, because his lifestyle will not change.

Please find someone else before his rejection of you, destroys you.

Good luck 💐

He's a weak man who will find trouble wherever he is, I suspect.
You are not married, you have no children together and you don't even live together. He has cheated on you. This is who he is. Why would you stay?

If you think you can change him, you're on a hiding to nothing.

And that was before the lying and cheating.

No industry makes you lie and cheat - this wasn’t the job, this was him.

Why would you take back someone who lies and cheats on you, regardless of what job they did.

He isn’t a good man and you can’t tell him what to do.

You’ve tried giving it a second go and there are already issues - it’s time to let this one go for good now.

Sounds like a chef.

You took back a liar and a cheat who us now lying again. What 'standards' are you referring to?

You really need to let each other go, for good this time.

Sounds like he’s in the City from your description. If he is, then you don’t really have much chance of protecting him from himself and getting your relationship to the top of his priority list. It tends to be all consuming and they only stop when they burn out. I’m sorry. That’s not really what you want to hear but some burn out very young (30s) so I guess that’s the silver lining.

It’s because you’re trying to change him and encourage him give up his career and social life in order to be acceptable for you.
Yes, he can always walk away from you. So it is ‘his choice’ and you are not physically holding him captive. But emotionally it is manipulative. It would be much healthier for both of you to just accept that you are not the right fit for each other, and move on.

I think your OP was not clear enough. You should have clearly said he cheated on you. Why blame the industry though? My DH has a job travelling, some of his colleagues cheat, some don't. You're giving him an excuse for being an arse saying it's "the industry's fault". No, he's the wanker and maybe that's why he likes this industry so much (night clubs?)...

Has he cheated on you? Or are you just expecting him to if he works there? My DH could work on a strip club. He would probably try and het them to put their t shirts back on.

If he hasn't already done anything wrong why are you punishing him?

Lol

My son was a top Head Chef in London. This exactly describes the lifestyle. Definitely for single men. My son left the industry,left London married a Devon girl, got a dog, works in Tesco now , lives in a forest!

He hasn't changed in a year, he obviously enjoys it or he would have switched industries. There are plenty more men out there, why are you wasting your time with him? Just end it and find someone better.

You took him back on the condition that he not keep hammering the self destruct button he hasn't done that so split up and move on no third chance

Another one here thinking hospitality/restaurant manager/chef.
Does he have other career options, OP - how easily could he work in another industry?
I couldn’t get past the lying, but having worked in hospitality, that lifestyle goes hand-in-hand with drugs, drinking and carrying on.

I'm guessing police officer 🤔

He lies and cheats. You break up with him, give him an ultimatum, and he lies about fulfilling the conditions of the ultimatum so you stay with him.

At this point he probably feels like he can get away with anything. LTB

So he cheated and behaved in a way that you didn't like and you ended it. Now you've taken him back but have found out he's still lying.

Does he have the skills to get a job in another "industry"? Does he like his job and his colleagues and the culture?

You say his ‘behaviour became unrecognisable’. So did he move into that industry after you met him or a new job?

You also mention in your last post you’ve been cheated on. Is that by him?

You clearly don’t trust him. If people are trustworthy, they can be in any environment and not snog/shag someone else. Adults are perfectly capable of self-control. He’s also now been deceptive. My advice would be to end the relationship. You can’t have a relationship with someone you don’t trust.

Chef ??? Can you tell us the answer x

You can’t tell someone what job they can do, that’s completely not on. He is able to decide for himself what job he does and it was wrong of you to place conditions on it.

He shouldn’t have lied but I can understand why he did. It sounds completely toxic though and I think you shouldn’t be together, you have no trust in him and he sounds like a numpty.