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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you assume you're invited?

62 replies

InTheMiddleOfTheRoom · 31/08/2024 13:58

My boyfriend/partner's brother contacted him midweek asking if he's free tomorrow. He said he was and they've arranged to go for a drink. He's assumed I'm included and is insisting I go. I'm assuming I'm not because I wasn't mentioned in any of the messages.

Boyfriend's sister in law will be there but they've been married for 20 years and so they obviously all know each other well. I've met his brother and his wife twice and very briefly.

Boyfriend won't clarify because he says it obvious I'm invited. I don't think it is.

YABU - of course you're invited

YANBU - I wouldn't assume I was invited unless specifically mentioned.

OP posts:
Original poster
InTheMiddleOfTheRoom · 31/08/2024 14:18

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 31/08/2024 14:15

No, do not do this. For lots of reasons.

1 You don't want to default into the person who has to clarify and sort out social engagements with his family

2 it's just weird. If you are invited it is your DP who brings you along. It's got nothing to do with SIl in this case and you'd just look weird.

Show quote history

I wouldn't do that!!

I don't have her number anyway. I've met her twice and very briefly both times.

No he thinks it's obvious because they're both going.

I don't think it is because they dont know me.

We've been together for 2 years.

OP posts:
SuncreamAndIceCream · 31/08/2024 14:15

If your bf wants you there then I would go

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 31/08/2024 14:15

JC03745 · 31/08/2024 14:14

Do you know the SIL's number? I'd text her to ask.

No, do not do this. For lots of reasons.

1 You don't want to default into the person who has to clarify and sort out social engagements with his family

2 it's just weird. If you are invited it is your DP who brings you along. It's got nothing to do with SIl in this case and you'd just look weird.

JC03745 · 31/08/2024 14:14

Do you know the SIL's number? I'd text her to ask.

mitogoshi · 31/08/2024 14:11

You is plural too remember!

mitogoshi · 31/08/2024 14:10

Depends on your family. In mine yes of course you are invited

Cinnamonkie · 31/08/2024 14:10

'Are you available tomorrow' he's invited
'Are you and the missus available tomorrow' you're both invited.
That's how I would see it

Row23 · 31/08/2024 14:10

If the brother has said are you guys free or are you both free then I’d assume I was invited. If he said are you free to his brother then no I’d not assume I was invited. It sounds like it was just aimed at the brother.
But if the SIL is there too then I’d probably go along as well. I’d prefer it to be clarified that I’m invited but I’d probably still go anyway.

GalileoHumpkins · 31/08/2024 14:10

I don't think you're invited because no one mentioned you. Your boyfriend is wrong to think it's obvious.

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 31/08/2024 14:09

If brother and wife invited your DP for a drink, yes, I'd absolutely assume you are invited too. I find it quite odd that you're so reticent. MOst likely, they're keen to get to know you better. How long have you been dating?

DappledThings · 31/08/2024 14:08

Knowing your DP's SIL will be there then yes, I'd assume you were invited

Hatty65 · 31/08/2024 14:07

I woudn't assume it, no. I'd assume his brother just wanted to meet up with him.

However, I wouldn't agonise. I'd tell bf 'Text John and ask him 'Is @InTheMiddleOfTheRoom invited or is it just us?' if he wanted me to go. If he isn't prepared to do that, then I'm not prepared to go. What is the big deal in him just contacting his brother?