To think I can’t carry on being Lady Bountiful forever

Stand up for yourself, tell them if you really didn’t care about family you’d have presented them with a bill for the money they owe, plus interest. It’s absolutely ridiculous that they’re sponging off you when they have a second home- have they no shame?

If DH has an attitude tell him to go back out and get a job.

You need to provide for yourself and your DH first, plus if you don’t put a stop to it this will just carry on until they’ve cleaned you out.

Every penny you give to them is money taken away from your own child.

Don’t do it.

Had similar with relatives, we don’t earn massive amounts, just worked bloody hard for what we have. None of them ever paid us back, they are now black listed and told to never again ask for money, arseholes!

You’ve been more than generous, and your money isn’t there’s to spend!

Wherever you said the boundary, these ingrates will still be annoyed with you. You could give them this £10,000, then when you say no to the next £12,000, your name will still be mud. So you might as well stop at zero. What horrid people

Would you husband be so generous if he didn't have you?

Would the artist friend have received £500 a month without you there to subsidise?

"When he was working he was sending an Eastern European artist friend £500 a month."

What?

Ah. Doh. Well I stand by my point... ignore their cottage and go for a bigger, better one.😂

So when the niece has graduated and sells the moped, will you get your money back do you think?

I assume that’s the one she means!!

@MrsMagicMoneyTree Think about why it is your name that is mud, and not your husband's name. He's been building up his profile as generous family benefactor without having to earn the money. He's now using you to say no, rather than thinking for himself sensibly about his brother's black hole finances, backing you up and saying no on his own behalf. The offering of a financial advisor is just a panacea to make him feel, once again, that he is being generous. He needs to stop feeling he needs to be generous to every hard luck story that comes his way, especially as he is not being generous with his own money.

An old friend used to say if you loan an amount ,you may as well think of it as a gift. Often doesnt get repaid!( In What a pair of CFs they are !) Your inheritance is yours and your DD .If you wanted to spend it on anything you like!

Have you been paying all bills and your husband saving all his money?

I'm sorry for your loss @MrsMagicMoneyTree and how your DH's brother is seeking to exploit your tragedy. The comment about you being an only child is repulsive, especially given all the money he has received and not paid back, money his brother would not have been able to afford to give him. You need to protect your inheritance from your husband, as I fear he is a big part of the problem here.

How your husband has access to all this money to give away when he does not earn it?

This. They sound awful, entitled money grabbers.

and thanks @Gulbekian you've described exactly the way I’ve just been used by a “friend”

Speechless at the audacity. I would have to point out that caring about family means you pay back when you've borrowed money. They are the ones who don't care about family

I’ve told DH that if he wants to give them more money then it comes out of his savings, not my inheritance or our joint savings. He said that having thought about it, he’s not going to give them any more

He thought about it, did he? Funny that. Your DH is your biggest problem, and a huge CF. But it seems you are blind to this bit.

Just when you think you’ve heard it all.

thank god at long last you’ve stopped letting them treat you like mugs. Can’t believe the audacity of some folk.

i’d be asking them straight “what have you ever done for us”

My Dad’s brother always asking for money is the only thing I ever heard my parents fight about as a child, and my Mum says it was one of the most difficult things about their marriage.

Whatever you give will never be enough. They will always want more, and then will fall out with you at the point when you draw a line and say no, so it might as well be now.

Not another penny

Probably into her savings account, why should she pay for anything when you're this much of a doormat, is probably how she sees it.

You know if you asked them for a penny for an actually good reason they would ignore you or say no.

And some people do have a very warped view of inheritance. After my father died a work colleague made a quip that I should be paying for us all to go out to lunch as I " was probably loaded now"

Pull the plug op.
We had an almighty falling out with a family member after we queried why they needed the £10000 "loan" ( they never would have paid a penny back) that they demanded.
Like you they slagged us off to anyone that would listen.

I don't even get a birthday card off my aunt and she's a millionaire! I'd never try and tap up family members for cash, and paying half for your niece's moped is really generous of you. Ungrateful madam!