To think I can’t carry on being Lady Bountiful forever

I cannot believe you have tolerated your husband bleeding your inheritance for his grifter brother.
Unbelievable.
OP, you are being made a huge mug of.

Why can you not see how badly behaved your husband has been?
He sounds like a lazy selfish waster.
Generous with your money.
Tell him get a bloody job.
Stop paying for everything.
You are being used and are the family mug/work horse.
I would be going after repayment legally.
That you 100% expect the loans to be repaid in full.

Your husband and his brother are users and losers.
Wake up and find your anger.

You deserve so much better than this.
Absolutely outrageous that they have a second property, yet are bleeding you for money.
Protect yourself.

Make a list of all the times and amounts of all the times you have helped them out, Next time someone moans about your lack of “generosity” tell them you have been very generous in the past but now the moneytree atm is shut.

If they are dissing you to everyone you need to throw some shade back in return!

You need to set boundaries and have a word with your dh they are adults they cant keep expecting someone else to bail them out I know it's difficult when its family

My own experience of this is with my dsis I have bailed her out numerous times she has put me in difficult situations asked me to be a loan guarantor numerous times despite at the time me working very part time so dh wages despite her as a single person earning more than us at the time and we were a family of 4 I always used to put incorrect details so it declined

She has borrowed tens of thousands from dm over the years in her younger days dm used to lecture her about being crap with money we all just accepted and rolled our eyes. It came to light a year ago when dm wanted to check her bank balance as she was no longer getting statements that dsis had taken £10k out of her account without her knowledge she had downloaded her banking app and was helping herself

We had a very polite family discussion where i advised she may get in trouble if the bank picks up on the transfers to her account depreciation of assets blah blah

This was a year ago dsis has blocked me and my family removed me as power of attorney i got an alert from the land registry she's done an equity release on dm house not sure on dm level of capacity as my relationship with her is now strained as it is with family friends as no idea what dsis has told them about why we don't speak which is dsis choice not mine and dm thinks she changed her will recently

Dsis is currently being investigated by office of public guidance and the police

So my advice is nip it in the bud now this has escalated because we have always bailed her out so she has continued to live beyond her means knowing there are no consequences to her actions she's early 50s now not sure what she will do when dm dies and she blows all the inheritance she gets which she will but that's not my problem anymore

@MrsMagicMoneyTree

This stood out from your post:

"DH has relayed the message and it didn’t go down well, and my name is now mud"

Why aren't both of your names mud?

The bloody nerve of them.

I would take great pleasure in telling them that not only will there be no more money coming from you - you would have just written off the "loans" already made but the shit talking has made you review this decision and now you'll be expecting every penny back thanks.

And the niece wouldn't be getting so much as a tenner in her birthday card, never mind the rest of her hairdryer on wheels, she can get a bus like other people have to if her parents won't help her out.

Tell them the Bank of MrsMagicMoneyTree is closed for business and is now calling it in its debts.

Jesus wept @MrsMagicMoneyTree they really are cheeky. The sheer nerve of them.

finally. some common sense. Good for you sis ....your money is yours and your kids only. Your husband to come down to earth and start growing some of it

DH has said to his DB that there will be no more money, and we expect the loans to be repaid once they have sold their holiday home. So we probably won’t hear from him again either.

Good to hear that DH stepped up. Tough for him if it's the end of the relationship with his brother though.

Why did you and your DH keep giving them money after the first loan wasnt repaid?

Of course YANBU to want to stop giving them money. You have been very generous so far. Have you tried talking to hour DH about how you feel and to explain you can’t give any more money to his family?

YABU though to refer to yourself as Mrs Magic Money Tree and Lady Bountiful.

They sound dreadful, hopefully you've pissed them off so much they'll never contact you again 🤞

OP you're in denial it's your husband that's been using you.
Lord Bountiful on your money.

I would move the remainder of your inheritance to a personal account so your husband can't bail out his family behind your back.

Agree with this!

So, you tell them that so many people have been asking for frequent hand outs of thousands of pounds, that you have nothing left to give. And then don’t hand a single pound more out to these selfish CFs who deceive you about ‘borrowing’ from you when they have no intention of repaying it. They are using you and taking advantage of your kindness.

I'm sorry but i think you have a DH problem. His largesse is using your money. He makes financial decisions without any input from you and he blamed you for stopping the handouts when he should have just said no.

Who needs enemies with a husband like that, he totally threw you under the bus because he's too cowardly to stand up to his family!

They might be smart to sell the holiday home before the next budget.

I'm honestly shocked that you have given them such large sums of money! They have a second property and a decent household income. I just don't understand why people have such poor boundaries. Obviously you just need to tell them no.

I would get your DH to spell out to them exactly how much you've given them, in pounds, and exactly how much they still owe you. And then ask then why they think they have a right to any more.

Seriously, he needs to defend you, and grow a pair.

Whether or not this particular instance is, I can assure you it's a sadly well worn path for some to regard another person's inheritance as an opportunity

It happened to me too, and though I've given a lot of it away anyway I did draw the line at those who expected it - including an acquaintance who turned out to have wanted me to sub her son's very dubious business.
I say "turned out" because she didn't actually approach me about this; apparently I was expected to just realise he needed the money, and when this didn't happen I was slagged off to all and sundry accordingly

Well of course YANBU.

It sounds like the person trying to be Lady Bountiful here is your husband , but with your money. It sounds like he’s had time to think, and on reflection he doesn’t like giving his own money away, jyust yours.

If you plan to pass your inheritance to your children I hope there is an arrangement in place for it to pass directly to them if your husband outlives you .

They have a holiday home?! Holy heck, the absolute cheek and entitlement are gobsmacking! This is unbelievable! I would get your dh to tell them you’ve longterm invested all funds. I sincerely hope he’s not paying for the financial advisor? He must realise they’ve taken the piss in a big way.

Send a copy of your last paragraph to your husband's wonderful family.....