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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I can’t carry on being Lady Bountiful forever

303 replies

MrsMagicMoneyTree · 31/08/2024 11:23

So I have always been a highish earner (not in MN terms, but around £70K), DH earned about half that and is now retired. Two years ago I received a significant inheritance.

So the problem started before that. DH’s brother is self employed and work is thin on the ground at the moment (and has been for some time). Five years ago, he asked us for a loan of £3000 for a new boiler, paid back £1000 said it was all they could afford. Three years ago it was £5000 for a new van. DH gave him the money, not expecting to see it back (and we haven’t). Last month it was money for DNiece’s moped so that she could get to college. I said we’d pay half but her mother (not DBIL’s wife) should pay the rest. She moaned and DH’s parents paid a quarter and DNiece’s mother scraped together the rest.

I overheard DBIL on the phone to DH yesterday, asking for £10K to “see them through.” I told DH I overheard and the answer was no. DSIL earns at least what I do, and they also have a holiday cottage that they could either rent out or sell if money is that tight. DH has relayed the message and it didn’t go down well, and my name is now mud and I “don’t care about family or what it’s like to have a sibling as I’m an only child.” DNiece has also slagged us off for not paying the full cost of her moped, saying that we are snobs and don’t know what hard work is like.

AIBU to stand my ground? My plans for the inheritance were to help my DC get on the housing ladder, not to chuck it into a bottomless pit for people who should be sorting themselves out.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 01/09/2024 18:25

They're CF, don't give them another penny. Are they buying things like mopeds for your DC's? The cheek that they expect you to pay for their transport is unbelievable and just hand over 10 grand for them to get through, jokers.
I've got siblings, we would never expect this from each other. It's nothing to do with you being an only child, this isn't normal, they are trying to manipulate you.

Blogswife · 01/09/2024 18:25

Whoops didn’t read the whole thread . Glad you stood up to them. That should see the back of them - doubt you’ll hear from them again !

LookItsMeAgain · 01/09/2024 18:24

In relation to the outstanding loans, I'd set the wheels in motion to reclaim the outstanding amounts, even if you have to go to the Small Claims Court to get it.

Get it in writing that you loaned them X amount for Y purposes, and amount C for Z purposes and then the outstanding amount to be repaid to you is R. Send it to them signed by both your DH and you and send it recorded mail so they have to accept it. In that letter say that they have 14 days from the sale of the holiday home to repay it in full or that you will take them to the SCC to reclaim it.

You don't want to go down the legal route but you will if you have to.

Best of luck to you.

coldcallerbaiter · 01/09/2024 18:23

So they have a holiday cottage and did not pay you back for the car and boiler. Now they want 10k. You are a massive mug OP. In a way people this stupid getting targeted is not surprising.

Blogswife · 01/09/2024 18:21

No ! Tell them you have no more to give or loan them and any spare is going to your DD.
If they moan tell them they still owe you for all of the loans in the past and ask for their proposals to repay it

Jeschara · 01/09/2024 18:21

They are free loaders of the highest order. Your BIL is a scavenging dick.
Do not give these people another penny. Vile individuals and entitled too.

CalmMintReader · 01/09/2024 18:20

MrsMagicMoneyTree · 31/08/2024 11:23

So I have always been a highish earner (not in MN terms, but around £70K), DH earned about half that and is now retired. Two years ago I received a significant inheritance.

So the problem started before that. DH’s brother is self employed and work is thin on the ground at the moment (and has been for some time). Five years ago, he asked us for a loan of £3000 for a new boiler, paid back £1000 said it was all they could afford. Three years ago it was £5000 for a new van. DH gave him the money, not expecting to see it back (and we haven’t). Last month it was money for DNiece’s moped so that she could get to college. I said we’d pay half but her mother (not DBIL’s wife) should pay the rest. She moaned and DH’s parents paid a quarter and DNiece’s mother scraped together the rest.

I overheard DBIL on the phone to DH yesterday, asking for £10K to “see them through.” I told DH I overheard and the answer was no. DSIL earns at least what I do, and they also have a holiday cottage that they could either rent out or sell if money is that tight. DH has relayed the message and it didn’t go down well, and my name is now mud and I “don’t care about family or what it’s like to have a sibling as I’m an only child.” DNiece has also slagged us off for not paying the full cost of her moped, saying that we are snobs and don’t know what hard work is like.

AIBU to stand my ground? My plans for the inheritance were to help my DC get on the housing ladder, not to chuck it into a bottomless pit for people who should be sorting themselves out.

They are blatantly taking advantage. Just take the high ground and keep saying no, no explanation needed. It’s your money and you’ve helped them enough. If they have a second home, it’s absurd to be asking you for money.

DreamTheMoors · 01/09/2024 18:18

They’re slagging you off?? That’s rich.

”I might have considered a small loan had you repaid any of the previous loans you have neglected to repay.”
Do not say you’re sorry, don’t apologise, don’t feign remorse or regret. Do tell your spouse and his family to kiss your rosy red arse.
And whatever you do, do NOT let them guilt you.
You have the moral high ground in every possible way in this little drama. This is the absolute perfect time to excuse yourself from this shitshow of a sideshow of a family.

user7853156780 · 01/09/2024 18:15

Fuck that!
They’ve not paid previous loans back.
They own a holiday house.
They need to learn to live within their means. Cheeky fuckers!

Delphiniumandlupins · 01/09/2024 18:14

Well, your name being mud with these greedy beggars is a good thing I think - they are the ones falling out with everybody. If they come crawling back looking for more money (and I would bet my Devon holiday home they will) just repeat "No, it caused bad feeling before and family is so much more important than money". Perhaps accompanied by a tinkly laugh.

Yalta · 01/09/2024 18:13

I wouldn’t be leaving much in the joint account

Your dh could well mean everything he says when talking to you but could he be guilted into giving something when talking to bil

Prettytiles · 01/09/2024 18:11

Holy moly these people are scavengers expecting all this cash with no intention of paying it back.

It’s a no from me.

jazzybelle · 01/09/2024 18:08

So, you've had a larger inheritance and it sounds like they feel that they are entitled to a share of it?

Nightjar33 · 01/09/2024 18:08

Do they see your husband as a soft touch who will give them what they want.
Dont really understand how they have the cheek to keep asking. Their attitudes would stop me from giving them another penny. A firm no and don’t ask again would be my reply!

Original poster
MrsMagicMoneyTree · 01/09/2024 18:04

@areallmotherslikethis my name is mud rather than his because they know it is my money and I’ve turned off the tap. However DH dressed it up as a joint decision, they were going to blame me.

Apparently they’re having the estate agent round to value the holiday home next week.

OP posts:
UhHuhHuH · 01/09/2024 17:58

This is one of the CF-iest threads I’ve ever read on MN.

wasdarknowblond · 01/09/2024 17:56

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

HoppityBun · 01/09/2024 17:51

they have a holiday home! The cheek of them!

OVienna · 01/09/2024 17:47

Tell them to fuck right off.

tommyhoundmum · 01/09/2024 17:43

You must keep your money. You never know when you might need it as you age.

I gave away many thousands over the years, supposed to be loans but of course these spend thrift types never have any money to make repayment. Some of that money would come in useful now. Good luck.

Missingpop · 01/09/2024 17:34

You hysband needs to stand up to his pathetic brother useless sil & bratty niece & tell them the bank of freeloading is well & truly shut just because they think your minted doesn’t mean that you really are x

llizzie · 01/09/2024 17:31

MrsMagicMoneyTree · 31/08/2024 11:23

So I have always been a highish earner (not in MN terms, but around £70K), DH earned about half that and is now retired. Two years ago I received a significant inheritance.

So the problem started before that. DH’s brother is self employed and work is thin on the ground at the moment (and has been for some time). Five years ago, he asked us for a loan of £3000 for a new boiler, paid back £1000 said it was all they could afford. Three years ago it was £5000 for a new van. DH gave him the money, not expecting to see it back (and we haven’t). Last month it was money for DNiece’s moped so that she could get to college. I said we’d pay half but her mother (not DBIL’s wife) should pay the rest. She moaned and DH’s parents paid a quarter and DNiece’s mother scraped together the rest.

I overheard DBIL on the phone to DH yesterday, asking for £10K to “see them through.” I told DH I overheard and the answer was no. DSIL earns at least what I do, and they also have a holiday cottage that they could either rent out or sell if money is that tight. DH has relayed the message and it didn’t go down well, and my name is now mud and I “don’t care about family or what it’s like to have a sibling as I’m an only child.” DNiece has also slagged us off for not paying the full cost of her moped, saying that we are snobs and don’t know what hard work is like.

AIBU to stand my ground? My plans for the inheritance were to help my DC get on the housing ladder, not to chuck it into a bottomless pit for people who should be sorting themselves out.

Put most of the remainder into your pension pot, or in trust. That way, you will not have it to lend - or give away.

Wealth doesn't last forever. Your circumstances could change in a heartbeat. Put much of it where you cannot touch it.

Not for nothing was ''the rainy day'' coined.

BlackShuck3 · 01/09/2024 12:50

Dsis is currently being investigated by office of public guidance and the police
@Spendysis
😯
It sounds as if your light fingered sister is about to get a very unpleasant comeuppance! 😬

FarmGirl78 · 01/09/2024 12:48

If I was you OP, DN wouldn't get so much as Christmas card off me from now on. It sounds like she's the one who doesn't know the meaning of hard work.

BorsetshireBanality · 01/09/2024 10:46

Yes, they are going through your DH to get to your inherited cash.