Pregnancy secret

The latest you can leave it is 25 weeks I think.

Anything between 8 and about 20 weeks is more common. For a lot of us it's when you realise you are showing and can't hide it!

Honestly the more you worry about not drawing attention to it the more you will draw attention and speculation. If you just quietly don't drink without offering an explanation then plenty of people won't notice. If people do and ask and you lie then that fuels more speculation.

If they do ask and you just breezily say yes but it's early days and anything could happen so you don't want to discuss it then the conversation will move on.

The less you try to hide it the less if a big deal it becomes.

The difference is if you haven't told people you're pregnant, you don't have to go through the pain of telling them you've had a miscarriage. Obviously family and close friends you would tell anyway but not some random colleague, who will no doubt have passed on the news to others and so it snowballs.

I didn't feel any shame in having a miscarriage at all but found it incredibly painful to have people who I didn't even know knew I was pregnant ask how the pregnancy was going and then have to tell them when I was still coming to terms with it myself.

On antibiotics.
On a health kick.

I waited until 12 weeks to tell anyone I was pregnant. I think I would have done so anyway, but I had already had 2 miscarriages, and was anxious. I found out at 5 weeks, so it was a worrying time. I didn't go out that much in the first trimester, as I was horribly exhausted, but when I did go out, I think I also just pretended I had ordered something alcoholic, but just stuck to soft drinks - and one time I said I had a bit of an iffy tummy! Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP :-)

It’s not too early. Something can alway go wrong, there’s no magic safe point,

Just tell them? I never understood the waiting to tell. I told many family and friends early, and then had a miscarriage. It made it so much easier to tell them and I appreciated their support. Waiting to tell only perpetuates the idea in society that miscarriage is shameful. I told early when I got pregnant again. Everyone I know has shared early, I didn’t realise many people waited to tell nowadays.

I’m long term sober.

I don’t get these comments and never have, nobody ever asked if I was pregnant.

You'd be surprised. Ask anyone who is long term sober what sort of comments they've encountered about not drinking.

Just don't think about it. If someone notices they will probably assume you're pregnant. If they don't say anything it doesn't matter, if they do say something it still doesn't really matter.

I was asked at a wedding if I was pregnant so I just said "Yes, but only a few weeks. It's early days so anything could happen". Shut down the conversation and nobody needed to lie. Job done.

Well she sounds weird and over the top tbh I think most adults can accept that others choose not drink alcohol without making a big deal ofcit.

And does it matter at some point their assumptions will be proved correct until that point just say you don't want to drink
I like a,drink but if someone told me they were not drinking on a night out I would just leave it at that.

I don't drink (like, ever, I'm sober) and at another friend's babyshower her old school friend (who I don't know well) was hosting and pouring everyone wine on arrival.

I said "Please can I just have an orange juice as I don't drink?"

Her eyes went wide, she ran round from behind the table, squealed, hugged me, PUT HER HAND ON MY FLAT BELLY and went;

"OHMYGOD WHEN ARE YOU DUE??? DON'T WORRY I WON'T TELL ANYONE!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITING!!!"

I said, "I'm not pregnant, I wish I was but it's not happening. I just don't drink."

And she replied, "well that's just fucking weird.
Maybe if you drank more, you'd loosen up a bit get pregnant! Red or white?"

She was 42, so it's not like I can blame it on being immature! Just an idiot.

Never underestimate the Great British Public's obsession with alcohol.

Going alcohol free is getting a bit trendier so you could say you're having a break and rave at length about how much healthier you feel...one woman in my circle who is AF keeps saying "my insides just feel so much cleaner since I gave up wine" and it's given so many people the ick they avoid any alcohol related conversation with her like the plague 😂.

I get around it, like you, by having something vaguely alcoholic looking in the appropriate glass...Ginger Ale and Lemonade has never let me down. Or diet coke and when asked (it's Jack & Coke, Vodka & Coke etc). The issue is when someone buys you another. I've got around this but it takes some creativity! I've had subtle secret codes going on with bartenders before now on rounds!

Congratulation by the way! You'll get round it and in a few weeks you can be open and honest.

If someone outright asks you if you’re pregnant say ‘No I’m not, and just as well since if I was and trying to hide it you asking me is poor form, isn’t it? Imagine backing someone into a corner on something private haha that would be crazy!’ Later, when you do announce your pregnancy, the lie you told will be understood.

Yes I had this. I was prescribed metronidazole, which you actually cannot drink alcohol, a few days before going to a wedding.

Nobody believed it as an excuse and they assumed I must be pregnant, which was particularly annoying as I was taking it for a post-miscarriage infection.

Generally I think it's best to just quietly order soft drinks and realise that generally speaking people aren't paying that much attention, particularly once they've had a couple. That's harder if you're staying somewhere though, as opposed to a night out.

I don’t think most people do think a woman is pregnant just because she isn’t drinking though.

Are you and your friends very heavy drinkers OP? Otherwise it just isn’t what most normal people would assume.

Stop caring what people think of your drinking or non drinking. If they bring it up then they’re arseholes – and you can tell them so.

So let them? Who cares?

How often do you go out to events where people would notice you not drinking alcohol?

Can you try and suggest plans which don’t involve alcohol instead? It’s only a few more weeks if you planning to tell people after the 12 week scan.

"I'm not drinking, thanks"

Such a shame that this country has such an issue with alcohol that people saying no to it is a big deal! Just say no, you don't owe them any more or less than that.