To think pregnancy ruined your body?

YABU

I have stretch marks and a bit of a belly, but that's a non-issue. Pregnancy can do a hell of a lot more than that though, and just because you were fine after one, doesn't negate other women's experiences.

Two 8+ hour "natural" deliveries with large babies, both ending in ventouse has resulted in my pelvic floor being effectively destroyed. I have a (TMI) vaginal prolapse and now struggle to fully empty my bowels. Sex can be quite painful now, and I'm talking fairly vanilla stuff. I am now prone to yeast infections.

Pregnancy also gifted me with migraines (began in the first trimester when I was constantly vomiting), which have continued to appear post-birth, as well as sciatica (thankfully has gone now). The birth of DS1 was complicated and I was on the verge of needing a transfusion.

Some women's bodies just don't cope well with pregnancy.

Not sure what to say, I get a lot of backlash for this view.
It's Mumsnet after all.
My opinion is of course pregnancy ruins your body, in many ways!
Furthermore, life is far too short and hard as it is, to just cancel yourself completely for another human being (with enthusiasm as well).
I never had children and can sincerely comment that so far it was the best decision ever made, by myself and for myself.

Yes to this.

On the flipside, all i heard was positive stories and euphemisms, twee little jokes about your pelvic floor, essentially- women not talking honestly about pregnancy and childbirth and when my pregnancy and birth went very wrong, i was not at all mentally prepared for it because i simply never believed it could happen to me. But it did. Society has done a great job of painting a rosy picture of getting pregnant, glowing for 9 months, then pushing the baby out without intervention and bouncing back within a few weeks.

A bit more honesty from women around me about how dangerous birth and pregnancy can be would have been very useful because i certainly didn't get it from the medics, even with a high risk pregnancy. After i had given birth, lots of women told me their real stories. Too little, too late.

You had some stress in pregnancy because you thought you might not "bounce back" after you'd given birth because of too much honesty. I ended up with severe ptsd because of too little.

The whole rhetoric about bouncing back is incredibly harmful, the idea that if your body has been long term or permanently affected by something very physical you've somehow failed (subtext: because you're no longer attractive to men).

I think you just need to own the fact that, despite apparently not liking the word and thinking the word is ‘sad’, you have started a post which declares the alternative to being ‘ruined’ is being mad sex drive, having bigger boobs, in size X pair of jeans and no stretch marks. You also described stretch marks as a ‘horror story’.

A horror story is you or or child losing a life. And your post is deeply problematic.

No body is ruined. Full stop.

Hahaha. You had one baby and got lucky.

I think, OP, part of the issue is that lots of people actually don't feel the negative impact of pregnancy and birth IS discussed much. Certainly NCT etc never prepared me for the possibility of permanent problems. I even went to the GP 5 days PP and said I thought something was wrong and she laughed at me. You don't get examined at your 6 week check, have to wait months to be referred to a physio or gyno etc etc

Pre baby I was dimly aware you might wee yourself a bit if you laughed, but that was worst case scenario.

@PortiasBiscuit You do realise it's totally "natural" to die during pregnancy or childbirth, right? Evolution doesn't care about the individual, we adapt so the species survives. So, yes, of course lots of people are permanently damaged by the result, but they've successfully reproduced.

Yes, I looked fine after the first. Now I’ve got two and and back to work, I’m knackered and look it!

i’m 33 and get asked if I’m 40!

Once I start getting a full nights sleep again hopefully I’ll look ok again. Hopefully. Maybe. 🫠

I had a caesarean and - man alive - the trapped wind i suffer with to this day. 😫

People can only tell stories based on what they personally experienced. I think the fact that you didn’t hear more positive stories about ‘bouncing back’ is probably reflective of the fact that those people are in the minority.
So unless you’re saying that people who didn’t ’bounce back’ should just keep their mouths shut about their negative experiences, I think it’s probably fair to expect that you’ll hear about them at some point.

Yet you chose to start a thread that encourages positivity because some people’s bodies remain unchanged and therefore that’s the positive to focus on? And to use ‘ruined’ in your title as the alternative?

No body is ruined by pregnancy – start there, and leave out everything else that suggests there is a positive outcome or a negative outcome.

I loved my pregnant body and like you was very proud of what my body had done! I had my dc young and I think that I took for granted how good I looked.

Even on this thread people shame you for saying that you like your body, it’s ridiculous.

You did use the word ruined, it's in your thread title.

On a very basic level pregnancy is what your body is for. How can something be destroyed by doing what it is designed for.?

Humans have a relatively hard time giving birth as the baby tends to be slightly to large for the birth canal. Giving birth was actually quite dangerous back in the day because complications could be fatal.

I 'bounced back' with both of my pregnancies. One vaginal birth one c section. I didnt do anything in particular. Breastfed both for over a year. My boobs took longer to get back to what they are. However I wouldn't make a post about it as I'm aware this doesnt happen to everyone and some women have long lasting effects from pregnancy/birth. Also whilst I was pregnant I didn't really like hearing about women bouncing back as I felt this huge pressure which i feel is unnecessary and unfair when you have no control over how your body will react ect
I found women talking about how they appreciate their bodies more than ever for producing a live human and focusing how amazing are bodies are and what our bodies are capable of much more positive.
What we look like is really not important. Your post is insensitive weather you mean it or not.