To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

This!!!!! ⬆️ Have you got a friend who will go with you? I'd 100% book it & tell him what a prick he is.

YANBU to want to be treated on your birthday. Your ‘D’H is an arsehole for treating you so badly. I’ve never been thin but DH has always made an effort on my birthday regardless of age or dress size.

I do thinks it’s unreasonable to expect someone to go to an event they would hate though. Is there something you could both enjoy or a friend you could go with? I often get concert tickets for DH and vice versa but there are bands that only one of us likes and I’d never expect him to suffer a concert he doesn’t like. It’s not fun for anyone going to an event where the other person isn’t in to it.

I think you can change your vote but not certain as I'm on the app

OP please go! I've been to one of these (but not Coldplay themed) and they are amazing, the atmosphere and the music are magic. Your DH sounds miserable

My dh is great in most ways but tone deaf in regards to gifts. Tbf, his family would genuinely gift each other a box of Maltesers on big Occasions and be delighted by it.
I now, after many years, do much less for his bday/Father's day etc. I plan what will make me happy for mine and invite him along. This year I booked a gig and a hotel.
You got a choice
He isn't going to change. Ruining every birthday because of it ....you've only got so many left.

Sorry haven’t read any replies or updates & i wasn’t going to comment but i accidentally pressed YABU & just wanted to say i agree with majority of voters & you most definitely aren’t being unreasonable - your DH sounds shit

My Birthday last week and I got even less, worked all day, picked a few things off Amazon I wanted, he did manage a card this year but its taken 25 yrs for him to realise I consider that a minimum.

Had I been home I would have come with you but I sorted myself out came down to see DD at Uni and an Auntie in Tunbridge Wells. Lord only knows when I will get home as trains seem to be fubared this weekend.

I would go by yourself op you will have a great time. I went to a candlelight concert for my birthday and it was beautiful. The concert is quite short so you will have time for dinner afterwards. Don’t book the cheap ticket , buy the premium one and you will be on the front row. Are your kids around? If so arrange for a meal out with them and tell your husband you are sick of his lack of effort and you will be treating him the same for his next birthday.

Why don't you try this instead
Then you will be 100% in control.

The person whose birthday it is, decides what they want to do on their birthday.
You start to decide a couple of months before, this allows time to plan, buy tickets, holidays etc
Either you pay or your husband or partner pays

You do the same for the other person

I'm sorry you feel this way and that you have been treated in a manner that led you to this frame of mind.

It is absolutely not how things should be. Many many people are loved and prioritised by their partners, loved and respected by family and friends.

Make it the whole orchestra!!

But seriously OP go and enjoy! Friends might not be available but worth asking! I go to music concerts on my own - normally chat to the singles next to me!

Seconded! Going somewhere by yourself is quite the treat. Buy a glass of wine or something at the interval. Lush!

Hmm ..
Definitely go by yourself, if you fucking love Coldplay! 😀
I'm 45, very different (probably massively introverted) and a nice time with husband, card and dinner is enough.
That said, even at 74, he gets a bit more invested than your DH.
Enjoy your birthday and don't worry about the others! 💐

100% agree.

He doesn't care about treating you, probably is equally not bothered year round. Treat yourself and forget about him and his begrudged dinner.

Please tell us you've booked a ticket OP x
Life's too short to wait around for old misery guts.
Get out there and have a wonderful time.

You are so so so NOT being unreasonable. I'm sorry about your birthday and husband

Go to the concert with a friend or make one of your DC come- they’ll not hate it. Do a nice pre-theatre menu or afternoon tea beforehand.

And FGS stop making an effort for him- give him a dose of his own medicine (maybe some Lidl aftershave and a prickly cactus or something, then take yourself out for a day). If challenged- “sorry I though you said birthdays weren’t your thing” “of course you couldn’t have meant just MY birthday” “I wasn’t sure what you’d want” “yeah I didn’t fancy it this year”.

Probably not a nice thing to say, but when you come to realise that nobody REALLY cares about anybody else, apart from themselves and maybe mums about their children and little children about their mums and dads, until they hit teenage years, with a few exceptions, obviously. It is good if you have God with you or some spirituality if you are not religious, basically something not tied to human beings specifically. To rely on humans is bound to lead to upset. Even with excellent families and normal or good relationships. A moment will come when you realise that even your nearest and dearest are not that invested in you. When you read good literature and even MN you realise that we are all on our own, in the most significant episodes of our lives - nobody will sit an exam for us, nobody will give us confidence or joy, etc. I think you should make conscious attempts to be extra nice to him, that is it. I force myself to stop being extra nice to family members - it used to be that the moment dh mentions a gadget he saw that impressed him, my hand flies into my pocket for a credit card to buy it and before he even knows it, it is delivered to him. He did not even ask for it. When I see dc eyes linger for a minute longer than usual, over an object in a shop, I have already bought it. I force myself not to do it now. That way you will not be expecting anything back, apart from an obligatory card and a bouquet.

What she said ^^
...and next birthday arrange a lovely day out just for you , buy yourself something frivolous you've had your eye on for a while maybe and dont tell them just go.

OP leave the misery at home and take one of your daughters. My DD doesn't always have the same tastes but will come to things if DP not interested etc.

Happy birthday
Buy 2 tickets to the candle light ticket & take a friend !

Book one ticket
Run off with a member of the orchestra
Drink his scotch at prinks

Can't stand tight and selfish

You can afford to buy yourself coldplay tickets, the money you spent on his birthday last year would have bought you one.

Next time stick your money in a coldplay fund and treat yourself instead.

Oh and there's nothing lonelier than being with someone who makes you feel like this. You'll be happier and have more dignity and self respect without the bastard. Do yourself a favour and leave.

I'd be buggered if I ever make an effort for his birthday, Father's Day or Christmas again.

If he won't do something you want to do because it's 'not his thing' (selfish bastard), then arrange a weekend away with friends for your next birthday and book the tickets you want for this birthday and either go alone or with friends