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Original poster

To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

307 replies

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 30/08/2024 22:15

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

OP posts:
grungey · 05/10/2024 00:16

Love this Smile

isthatmyage · 05/10/2024 00:15

OP absolutely outstanding..thank you to you and the mystery MN'r 🥰

LankylegsFromOz · 05/10/2024 00:11

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

Sometimes I think I'll leave MN because of all the bunfights. But then I see posts like this and think I'll hang around a bit longer ❤️

lobeydosser · 05/10/2024 00:08

Thanks for coming back and letting us know you got to go. Hope it was all you wanted it to be🙂
My birthday is in August too and there have been so many occasions when my husband's done the bare minimum to mark it. I remember one time saying I wanted to go to a show at an open air theatre. He obviously wasn't keen but did come. Bought me a drink but wouldn't buy one for himself because they were too expensive (they weren't and he could afford it - just thought they were over-priced)

I think what's most irritating is the lack of effort. Not really thinking enough about what we would really like. Yet being able to talk for hours about footy or bikes. Then rushing out last minute to buy something - anything... One year I got a knife block - never in our time together had I expressed any interest whatsoever in kitchen knives.
Recently I've just organised what I want to do/go and see. He accompanies me but not always with a good grace. It's as if they don't like it when the focus isn't on them. Sigh...
Well done for getting to the concert - here's to many more👌

Maray1967 · 05/10/2024 00:04

What a great update! You had a smashing time and made a new friend - wonderful.

Kaleidoscope101 · 05/10/2024 00:04

Fantastic update, so happy for you OP.
The start of many new experiences, fun times and putting yourself first I hope 💖

hellsbells99 · 04/10/2024 23:47

What a lovely update!

Musclebeach · 04/10/2024 23:46

This is so lovely! really pleased you had a fun night
sod DH!

betterangels · 04/10/2024 23:45

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

Love this. I hope you get out there and live life a bit more. Your husband sounds insufferable. Carve out a life for yourself within the marriage until you decide what to do.

Mylittlepea · 04/10/2024 23:41

Love this xx

Bambi1449 · 04/10/2024 23:34

What a lovely update - really glad you got to go to the concert! You really deserved a fun evening out and I'm sorry your husband is so selfish! You deserve so much better.

Startoftheyear2024 · 04/10/2024 23:27

Brilliant!

Fluffygoon · 04/10/2024 23:26

Fabulous 😃

Waiting9 · 04/10/2024 23:22

Oh I love this! This is why it’s important to make/maintain friendships during marriage

Fastback · 04/10/2024 23:21

Hurrah!

ObstinateHeadstrongCrone · 04/10/2024 23:18

What a lovely heartwarming update OP and good on the mystery MNer. Sisterhood at its finest.

Learntorun · 04/10/2024 23:09

Brilliant

StHilarion · 04/10/2024 22:55

So pleased that you went and enjoyed yourself. I hope this gives you the confidence to enjoy yourself on your terms

Hohofortherobbers · 04/10/2024 22:53

Fab! I remember your post, thank you for updating 🥰

GCAcademic · 04/10/2024 22:37

What a lovely update. This site is bloody marvellous sometimes!

doneandone · 04/10/2024 22:35

What a super update op!!

CrowleyKitten · 04/10/2024 22:34

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

so glad you had a lovely evening, and it sounds like you've found a new friend too. you deserve it

Greydays3 · 04/10/2024 22:29

So pleased to read this.
I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful new friendship for you both.
OP, start looking for things outside the home to help you meet new people.
It is never too late.
Your husband is a mean miserable man.
Don't waste your latter years with him.
Start quietly getting organised to leave.
It may take time, but taking back control will do you good.

cushionfiend · 04/10/2024 22:26

Lovely update!

Original poster
IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 04/10/2024 22:11

Hello,

I promised to update, after the lovely, mystery MN-er who reached out and invited me to go to the concert with her..

Well, it was this evening, it was amazing and she is even more lovely than the genuine random kindness 🥰. We live astonishingly near each other so hopefully we will come up with more adventures.

Oh, and it totally shocked the DH and he was quite jealous!

Thank you Mystery MN-er

OP posts: