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To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

307 replies

IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise · 30/08/2024 22:15

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 05/10/2024 05:17

This is the best update 😊

Scooby2024 · 05/10/2024 05:16

Aww I'm so glad you went and had fun and hopefully made a new friend too! Sod the DH!! Xx

SpidersAreShitheads · 05/10/2024 05:02

Oh well done for going! I know if you have a low social battery it can be so easy just not to bother - so yay that you went! And double yay that a lovely MN-er accompanied you!!!

I'm so pleased for you. I hope this leads to many more occasions where you get the opportunity to put yourself first.

Just bloody delighted for you.

(PS - and "d"h can fuck off quite frankly!)

Endoftheroad12345 · 05/10/2024 04:08

hi @IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise

Glad you had a fab time at the concert. 2022 was my last birthday married to exH. He forgot all about it, then blamed me for having a birthday, I pointed out it had been the same for the last 21 years that we had been together, then he said we couldn’t afford a present for me (we both earnt very good money as senior lawyers and had substantial savings).

I ended the marriage 6 weeks later.

My birthday was last week and my wonderful DP and 2 DC made a huge fuss of me, DP baked 2 cakes, decorated the house with balloons and streamers, had a lovely bouquet of flowers, went out for a nice lunch with a glass of champagne. Back when I was married I used to go on Matches.com and buy myself a fancy handbag to cheer myself up and to make sure I’d have something to open on my birthday or Christmas. Now I can’t afford fancy handbags and neither can DP but I’m so much happier.

I dropped the DC around to exH and he had no idea it was my birthday or even what date my birthday was. After 21 years and 2 kids together 😵‍💫

I hope you give yours the heave too.

Hadjab · 05/10/2024 03:04

Your husband is a bit of a tosspot frankly.

If this is one of the London dates, I’ll go with you!

AnnieMcFanny · 05/10/2024 02:56

I’m so pleased for you and the lovely Mumsnetter 💐

Codlingmoths · 05/10/2024 02:49

Thank goodness! I hope this is the start of celebrating every single one of your birthdays from here on!

nearlyfreefromnappies · 05/10/2024 02:39

Love this! Happy belated birthday and what a fun random birthday treat with mnetter!

DPotter · 05/10/2024 02:22

So pleased you've has a wonderful evening and hopefully found a new friend !

FetchezLaVache · 05/10/2024 02:01

PinkArt · 05/10/2024 01:38

What a gorgeous update. I hope the miserable fucker thinks on about a total stranger finding more enjoyment in celebrating his wife's birthday than he could manage.
I hope this is the start of a brilliant friendship and a wonderful next chapter in your life.

Bloody well put! Hopefully no longer strangers, but well on the way to becoming close friends. What a fabulous bunch the vipers can be. Delighted to read your update, OP.

Myfluffyblanket · 05/10/2024 02:01

Just think , when you're in your dotage and reminiscing with your DCs and DGCs you will have lovely memories of the new friend you met on MN and went to a wonderful concert together and went on fab adventures with other friends you met through her and your joint interests and pursuits ...after you'd been forced to leave your lazy , careless , selfish funsponge behind .
Aforementioned Funsponge will only have a memory of NOT going to a lovely concert, and then of losing his beautiful wife .
The dick .

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 05/10/2024 01:47

your update made me smile

Windintrees · 05/10/2024 01:40

Lovely update.

Latenightreader · 05/10/2024 01:38

What a lovely update! May the two of you meet for more adventures and sod your fun sponge of a husband.

PinkArt · 05/10/2024 01:38

What a gorgeous update. I hope the miserable fucker thinks on about a total stranger finding more enjoyment in celebrating his wife's birthday than he could manage.
I hope this is the start of a brilliant friendship and a wonderful next chapter in your life.

Alalalala · 05/10/2024 01:12

What a lovely update! Yay!

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/10/2024 01:09

By the Power of MUMSNET!!!

Zanina · 05/10/2024 01:06

This has to be one of the best updates I have ever seen on mumsnet!

jannier · 05/10/2024 01:04

Have you told the selfish lazy arse how it makes you feel and how important it is to you?
Book the ticket will a friend go?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/10/2024 01:00

Aw I am so pleased you updated us.

GoldenSunflowers · 05/10/2024 00:56

What a lovely update.

CatGuardian · 05/10/2024 00:55

Oh fabulous!

RawBloomers · 05/10/2024 00:52

Great update, OP. Hope this is the start of a new lease of life.

Gcsunnyside23 · 05/10/2024 00:33

Such a great update. I hope you both become the best of friends

murasaki · 05/10/2024 00:19

Well done you and especially that mystery MNer. I hope you continue to meet up and have fun. Your husband will just have to get over himself.