To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

If your marriage is otherwise happy, just rethink how you approach birthdays. Buy yourself a nice present, take yourself out somewhere you want to go and book yourself a nice meal and a hotel. Think of it as a mini break for some alone time.

If this is representative of how he treats you in general, consider if you want this life.

And this is one of the reasons I divorced. Birthdays are so much better now I just do what I want to do and remove the disappointment
book the single ticket, go and have a lovely time

You know it’s time to meet his birthday with the same lack of enthusiasm.
”Oh, sorry I ate all the eggs and bread last night. Don’t wake me this morning. I’m knackered. Get yourself some on your way home from work. Will get the kids to draw you a card or something. Happy birthday. “

how many years have you been extravagant/made an effort on his birthday in return for zero effort on yours? YABU if its more than two.

Concert is touring - on at Southwark cathedral later in the year.

Has he always been this rubbish? You deserve so much better from him, and from your kids who are old enough to know it's your birthday and buy you a present

Go to the concert on your own and think about whether this is what you want next birthday or if you'd rather be alone enjoying your life

Defo not unreasonable imo. Get yourself there, and have a fab night!
I’m sorry DH isn’t able to stretch to giving you a little bit of a celebration jus once every year 😔 That’s sad, but unfortunately probably pretty common too.
Still, no reason why YOU can’t enjoy yourself!
Happy birthday! I hope you make it a good one and celebrate in style. 😊🥂🎂

Book two tickets and take a friend (or go by yourself). Has he always been like this? Why are you with him, I ask honestly, he doesn't seem like he gives much of a shit

If he's going to have a face on you'd be better off going alone and enjoying it his presence would only ruin it for you.
Happy birthday hopefully you can do something you enjoy.

This. Horrible selfish man.

"I think you'd be disappointed" 🤔

Why? Just because you were? What a huge and bizarre assumption to make!

OP, book the concert, solo or with a friend and have your lovely evening.

And make this the turning point in your relationship/life - you matter, your happiness matters - if your DH won't do better for you, do better for yourself, he doesn't have to approve!

And Happy Birthday! 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊

Aww gosh OP. You don't need to be younger,slimmer etc. You need to build up your confidence because your miserable DH has made you feel like shit. So - I would start by booking yourself that ticket, treat yourself to a nice new lipstick or whatever, and get yourself out there. Do something for you😘.

You have to go to the concert OP.

He does sound shite but the thought of coldplay, let alone a string quartet version, would be my hell 😂

Is Christmas much of the same or is it “just” your birthday they’re all shit?

Your kids are old enough to get you a decent gift to be honest. When I was that age I stil bought my mum nice gifts. I actually put money aside from my student loan to do so as I hadn’t found a job at uni yet in first year. £ isn’t important but it was important to me that the gift I gave her actually was something I’d thought about and wanted her to like and enjoy, not just something I’d grabbed from Asda in a rush on the way back from uni at the weekend.

Your husband is shit. Honestly, you need to set the bar higher. You mention loving Coldplay- there’s no reason at all why this man couldn’t save up and take you to one of their gigs. I know the tickets are hard to get, but it’s the fact he hasn’t even tried.

Stop making effort with his birthdays. He wants to give you something lazy with no effort, you do the same. Next year he can get a box of milk tray and the cheapest card you can find, and that’s being generous.

Save the money you would have spent on him and spend it on yourself.

And if Christmas is the same as birthdays, I’d very much be reconsidering what you give the lot of them.

they always have excuses because they literally cannot be arsed to do something nice for your birthday. And this is the sucker punch...he does not care enough to do anything at all. He is telling you that you are not sufficiently important for him to make the smallest fucking effort. Do you get this? You, how you feel, your birthday, he does not think you are worthy of a present on your birthday.

Your kids could do better too, they're adults. I'm sorry your birthday was crap. As others have said, book tickets for yourself and do the same every year. Going forward, I would put as much effort into their birthdays as they do to yours.

‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I hope you said this to him. And all the rest. There’s an element of passivity to posts like this that I can never understand.

The value of being appreciated on your birthday doesn't go down by your age. You shouldn't expect less at 57 than at 20. He's failed here, massively.

Definitely go to the concert. Stay over somewhere glamorous. Go solo or invite a friend...
But absolutely take that bottle of 30 year old Scotch with you.

Very good point.

1. Buy a ticket for yourself for the Coldplay thingy (2 if you have a friend who would enjoy it)
2. Get up early tomorrow and play Viva la Vida loudly on repeat, joining in the oh-oh-oh oh-oh oh bits with enthusiasm. Dance while you're singing.
3. Stop making a big deal of his birthday and plan more treats for yourself for yours. Its shit and you deserve better.

If it weren't in Northampton I'd be there with bells on. And that's cheap. Take a friend, have a good night out.

I've taken to doing a lot more solo if I can't get a friend to come as my DH is happy sitting on the sofa far too much.

Id book 2 tickets and say you'd prefer him to come but you'd look for a friend if he's that unwilling.

What date and time is it @IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise is it in the town centre itself?

‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

He said this about YOUR birthday?? The bloody nerve of him!! He can be unbothered about his own damn birthday. It’s not up to him to dictate that about yours.