To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

LTB

Is the problem really your birthday and how he behaves then, or how he behaves towards you generally?

i don’t care about birthdays as such, or big romantic gestures, but if my husband showed any disdain or contempt to me I’d be gone…

I’d he normally loving and appreciative of you?

What a miserable rat bastard.

Im wishing I was younger, slimmer, prettier, to attract attention from elsewhere to feel seen.

Whatever your age, weight etc, you just need to value yourself more, and not allow them to take you for granted.

I am older than you, also overweight, certainly not pretty, but my DH and early 20s kids would never treat me like yours do, never. I make Christmas and their birthdays special (almost single-handedly, as do most women I suspect), and they do the same for me. The day they don’t, then I stop too.

It doesn’t have to be expensive - my kids now ask for home made birthday cakes and I have had some very thoughtful books, bought from an online second hand retailer, that they knew I would love. It’s very much the thought that counts.

Get the concert booked and maybe give him a divorce for his next birthday, he sounds awful.

Good luck OP let this be a turning point for you

I went to a candlelit string quartet concert playing Queen hits at St George’s Hall in Liverpool. It was amazing.
Hopefully you’ve bought a ticket and binned him off. Remember we’re all behind you, OP.
Happy Birthday! 🎂 🥂 💃

You don't have to be young, pretty and skinny to be seen, not all men are shallow.
I would have gone to the concert on my own and not even left a note. X
Take up some hobbies and doing stuff for yourself, you might even meet someone who appreciates you x

I went to a Taylor Swift one at Delapre. If its there noone would notice you being on your own, get yourself a ticket and enjoy yourself. And happy birthday.

He sounds really miserable. I think you need to make it clear you don’t think it’s acceptable. We set a rough budget for each other’s birthdays (£100). I know that sounds a bit transactional but it’s nice to be clear about expectations and our birthdays are one month apart so just works for us otherwise it can be embarrassing if one really out does the other.

YANBU. You have been clear in what you want which isn't a great deal. He is a mean miserable killjoy. Would you have a happier life without him.

just book your own nights out with friends.

Also, if the concert is one of the Fever Concerts by Candlelight, we went to a Taylor Swift one and it was awesome, so definitely go!

My Ex-H was like this so I absolutely empathise.

So something for yourself. He has already told you it's not his kind of thing (not that it should matter, but he is obviously a selfish prick) so take yourself. Make this the start of you doing things for you. Celebrate yourself.

Book yourself a ticket, a night in a Premier Inn and enjoy yourself. From now on don't bother with his birthday and just spend your birthday doing what you want and it'll be cheaper as you only need one of everything.

Up to you whether you want to continue a relationship with him if he is so thoughtless in other areas too, your children are grown if you want a different life now's the time to change it

I would go to the concert on my own.

And have time to think about whether you are spending your life the way you want to.

You sound great 😄

Happy birthday OP 💐 I agree with others - no effort for him on his birthday - use the money you would have spent, on yourself, and the energy making his favourite dinner on yours instead - better yet eat out if you can afford to - without him!

He sounds very selfish and I am sorry you didn't have a great birthday. But please.stop relying on him for something he clearly going to deliver. Get a ticket for yourself and go, do.some stuff for you - it's not what you envisaged from marriage but you'll be living and enjoying life rather expecting something from someone who clearly won't come up with the goods.

The point, though, is that she clearly does want to celebrate. It's not his choice. It's about doing something for someone else. Putting yourself out for another?!

Your dc are old enough that you could do something nice with them instead.

Ditch him for the day, and do something nice with your dc. And stop making an effort for his birthday.

The honest truth is that some of us don't care about birthdays. I never have, and didn't actually like it when dh made a fuss about mine. I reciprocated out of duty, but am much happier now we have agreed to not do anything for them any more.

Your dh may be the same.

My DH forgot buy me a birthday present a few years ago. I shamed him on mumsnet! He hasn't forgotten since.

My husband's family are not big present buyers or card senders, mine are tight.
When I met him he'd never had a birthday party. I threw one the following year with jelly and me as a clown. Perhaps that's behind your husband's behaviour?

I go to lunch with friends now when my birthday comes around. It's easier. The DH buys flowers, cake and a gift. Nothing massive but I appreciate a good book.

Lidl flowers are a step too far. I expect at least Marks.

When is the concert? I live not far away.

Being poor is no excuse not to celebrate a partner's birthday. What an arse of a partner you have.

Tell him that his lack of care and tightness makes you hate him. Be really clear.

I agree with everyone else.

Go to the concert.
Stop putting any effort into his birthday. Don’t make dinner for him tell him dinner is what ever he wants to cook. Don’t buy him anything special just a bog standard box of chocolates and a few cans of beer. No card, no saying happy birthday , no going out with him.
Tell him you are tired and take yourself off to bed. No effort.
He clearly thinks very little about you.
Don't you have a friend to take to the concert?