To think that actually, yes I did lose the love of my life?

You're romanticising the past. You were hardly together, never lived together- you have no idea how it would've turned out. You're regretting having a child with someone you didn't love and you're indulging in rose tinted specs. You were 30- not that young. I think you were old enough to know if someone was right for you or not. If he was single it might be worth a punt but he isn't so just draw a line under it and move on. There are many more men out there you can build something new with.

You don't speak to each other? Why on earth not? That seems just. . . odd.

As for this bit He has looked at me in a way that I know he feels something for me too you really can't possibly know that.

I think you are romanticising the past. Maybe you could have had a wonderful life together. And maybe not. But if you're certain that ship has definitely sailed, try not to obsess about this man. It will hold you back from finding a new relationship, potentially with a man who will be much better suited to you.

By contrast OP I settled young and was really conflicted at the time as I knew staying with this man meant not living the life I had always wanted before. I was only 20 and mourned for the closing of many doors at the time. I'm quite happy and have a nice family but wonder all the time what would have happened if I had made different choices. I think most of us have something like this. You made the choice that was right for you at that time. Dont beat yourself, most things in life are more about timing than anything else.

I don’t think you’re alone.

I imagine quite a few people feel that they made mistakes and let the love of their life go-wrong time/place etc. Dreaming about what if’s and could have been, probably isn’t helpful for living in the moment, but I expect you know that.

I hope you find love again, perhaps not with this man as he isn’t single, but someone who is just right for you.

That is a good point.

However you don't know if he is with the mother of his child, they have tried, and failed, to make a go of it. He could be single.

There is nothing wrong in speaking to someone you knew years ago. Just don't have any expectations, even if he is free the spark may have gone. You have both moves on since your relationship.

However it wouldn't hurt to find out. Just have a casual word, a catch up, and see how it goes. Be prepared for him not being all that keen but I am sure he will be courteous and friendly, he won't embarrass you.

That comment was to a PP saying 'soul mates are not a thing' full stop. Nothing to do with OP's particular predicament.

Not at all. She said he's looked at her. I think she knows him better than we do.

Presumably you didn’t ditch him 6 months in and start worrying you’d done the wrong thing 8 years later?!

Well evidently it does because, after 8 years, OP might now get to speak to 'the one that got away' all because she now takes a new route to work.
So I wouldn't dismiss it just yet...

If, as the OP says, they live in a ‘very small place’, maybe the universe is suggesting she needs to get out of town, rather than trudging past Mr Eight Years Ago on a daily basis and making eyes at him?

Sounds like you are unhappy with your life, and want something to change. You are fixating on him as the thing that could / could have changed it, although that's not certain, as others have pointed out. You can, however, change other things, which will improve your quality of life. Once things are changed for the better, I'd bet you won't think of him at all. He's a focus point for your "what-ifs", and nothing more.

I don't buy this Mr Right, Soulmate, Love Of My Life bullshit. I think we meet someone and we make a connection, and/or see something in them that just feels right, and see them as a potential husband and father. And we go on to work bloody hard to make it work. And it IS hard work - a long term relationship, with all the trials and tribulations in life. It has its rewards of course, and the companionship and fun you have sometimes, and sharing of finances and life's problems and the mental and physical load, kind of cancels out the tough times and arguments.

Respectfully, I disagree.

My husband is without a doubt my soul mate. Been together 30 years and have been completely in tune and in love that whole time. We haven't had to 'work bloody hard at it' because we fundamentally really like each other, and we both know how to communicate, how to compromise and respect our partnership while also respecting each other as individuals. We've been through a lot but we've done it together.
So, I can assure you, soul mates are definitely a thing!

Op says We live in a very small place
Passing each other a couple of times is not really a sign that their stars are in alignment.

😆

Or OP has no way of knowing if he is trying to make a family play with a person he does not love just as "this is the right thing to do".

None of us know how their relationship works.
OP just heard gossip about it.
Maybe it is great,maybe it is shit.
Either way, a single "hi" would surelly not let all hell let loose.
(Unless his relationship is seriously shitty)

OP, Google limerence. This might be the case.

OP, I think you should talk to him. It will eat away at you if you don't. Keep it light, so there's no awkwardness, but definitely talk to him.

I'm a firm believer, though, that if you're crossing paths with him after all this time, that's the universe trying to tell you something. Listen to it.

@dotsandc

You're living in a fantasy world because the relationship didn't work out between you and the father of your child. I feel sorry for him truth be told. He never stood a chance, when you were pining for 'Mr Right' who you let slip through your fingers.

I don't buy this Mr Right, Soulmate, Love Of My Life bullshit. I think we meet someone and we make a connection, and/or see something in them that just feels right, and see them as a potential husband and father. And we go on to work bloody hard to make it work. And it IS hard work - a long term relationship, with all the trials and tribulations in life. It has its rewards of course, and the companionship and fun you have sometimes, and sharing of finances and life's problems and the mental and physical load, kind of cancels out the tough times and arguments.

You may have thought this man was 'the love of your life,' but if you had stuck with him and married with him, without a shadow of a doubt it would have turned sour at some point, and you would have started resenting him every time he breathed. Because you 'let him go' you are stuck in a time warp with this fantasy man who is Mr Perfect. He's not, he never was, and he never will be.

It's also pretty shitty to even think about making a move on him when he is with someone else, because of this imaginary 'look of fondness' he is giving you when you see each other!

Is there no way to salvage the relationship with the father of your children?

Something like this happened to me. I'm with him now.

If you can't get this under control I'd consider moving.

You're full of regret over a fantasy.

No, she isn't. He's just a decent, everyday guy. Not Magic bloody Mike!

There’s two chances: 1. He is unhappy and thinking about you (that doesn’t mean his gf doesn’t love him and wouldn’t be heartbroken though:( )or 2. He, his wife and child live happily as a family (and they either did from the start or they grew to love each other). I’d agree it was a small window of your life where everything was going great so you have rosé tinted glasses but obviously there’s a chance it’s one too.

Alice & Jack

When you have small children - as adorable as they are - life becomes quite routine and it’s easy to imagine that your pre-kids life was far more romantic and exciting than it really was.

OP, you need to take your focus off your ex. He is not the answer here. Does your daughter stay with her father sometimes? Or can you leave her with a family member once a week/fortnight while you meet up with friends or join a group or something? Whatever you need to give yourself some free time and something to look forward to. So many women lose that when they become mothers and, like you, find that old flames suddenly look a lot more attractive.

I don’t think that anyone is ‘The Love’ of anyone’s life. There are many people that could suit you. More importantly you made the best decision for you at the time.

By the sound of your relationship, you never got to know him that well - no one is perfect, so maybe it would have worked and maybe it wouldn’t, but either way you weren’t ready for it.

It sounds like perhaps you need to start dating again. I also think it’s perfectly fine to say Hi, how are you - gazing at each other in silence is probably fuelling the fantasy and is unnecessarily dramatic.