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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think there’s no good intention here?

31 replies

Oreal · 29/08/2024 20:45

I have been discussing my maternity leave a few weeks ago with a relative who is a SAHP. Claims to just be caring about me and sharing her experience…

She keeps repeating that, in her recent experience, people take the full year off work and make sure they save enough to be able to do this. I’d love to do this but I can’t afford to so I’m going back at 10 months, which will be enough of a stretch as is. I have told her this before yet she still repeatedly brings up the conversation. When I reiterate what I’ve said, she will say “well, hope your timeline goes to plan, life is unpredictable with a baby” and “you don’t know how you’ll feel when baby is that age handing them over to someone else’ as if it’s some kind of choice. Needless to say I don’t bring it up with her anymore but she tries to get me to talk about it all the time.

I’m left feeling rather inadequate even though I know my length of maternity leave is normal.

How can you mean well if you keep bringing this up with someone who’s already told you their plan?

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 29/08/2024 21:19

There's nothing wrong with your plan - lots of people don't take a full year, for lots of reasons.

I went back full time when my son was 9.5 months.

It was fine - going back is tough at first, whenever you do it but he settled in at nursery fine.

He's now 10 - confident, happy and well adjusted.

coldcallerbaiter · 29/08/2024 21:13

Take as long as you can afford off. People used to be able to take much longer off, things have changed.

SummerInSun · 29/08/2024 21:06

Ok, so this is the first thing you need to learn about the advice you will get from other mothers, especially of similar or slightly older children - it is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS heavily influenced by their own need to justify to themselves what they did or didn't do. To breastfeed or bottle feed, to baby led wean or not, to sleep train or not, etc. you are about to be confronted by a world full of people who want to give you advice. You have to do you. You have to figure out what works for you and your baby.

Many women do not spend a year at home, whether because they can't afford it, or because being at home with a baby drives them bananas, or for some other reason. My older DC was at nursery from 12 months, my younger from 9 months. There is no discernible difference in my relationship with either of them.

Starlightstarbright3 · 29/08/2024 20:59

I was a childminder for 10 years ..

I had babies from 6 weeks old to a year most less than a year .. some 4 months when full maternity pay ran out , not everyone has the luxury of choice .. not everyone wants a year off .

You do what works for you as a family .. sadly once you have children lots of people think that you want their opinion on everything .

StormingNorman · 29/08/2024 20:55

Don’t let her pass her insecurities onto you. If she was happy and confident in her choice, she wouldn’t be judging yours.

AppleKatie · 29/08/2024 20:47

She’s justifying her own life choices. Likely out of insecurity.

you do you.

tbh, I took a year but would take 10 months next time it’s enough.