To think there’s no good intention here?

Just tell her that with your annual leave and your dh’s annual leave and settling in days it will practically be a year and she should express her concerns where they’re wanted.

She doesn't mean well, she's being an interfering, opinionated judgemental busybody.

Option A) We've discussed this before and my plans haven't changed.
Option B) Your views have been noted.
Option C) Your continuing judgement of the RTW choices I have to make due to my financial situation is upsetting. Please rein it in.

I have found that people are hugely judgemental on this point. Often men too who would have ZERO interest in taking 12 months off so that's usually a short conversation.

10 months can often be quite a good time. They haven't got to that really clingy stage, and making the new normal a working day when you always come back in my view makes for a baby who is long term easier to manage. And I use that term deliberately. Having a sole parent as SAHM prevents the other partner from building a solid and confident bond with their child. Throwing childcare into the mix with the outcome of a happy well adjusted child makes it easier for a [usually the Dad but not always] parent to start to step up and give a better balance to the family all round.

For financial reasons I went back to work FT at 7mths with DC1 and part time at 3 months, FT at 6 with DC2. We've used shared and sole nannies, a childminder and a grandparent for wrap around supervision/care when they were older post lock down. They are happy, well adjusted and independent tweens who irrespective of the fact I have never been a SAHM still think my primary role in life is to pick up after them and organise their lives even though their father is even more hands on than me.

It doesn't matter that 10 months is "normal", children under 3 years are best with their mother, then father, then close relative, you can't change biology. So I suppose this is where she is coming from. Unfortunately now babies are given less and less time with their mothers because the cost of living is ridiculous. This is not your fault. You have to do what you can. 10 months is better than 6 months, which is better than 2 weeks.

Definitely. I found this myself and, as a manager, I've seen the whole variety of Mums approaching it in different ways, from career-orientated people who've loved it so much they've chosen a few years of SAH parenting, to those who were finding being at home hard so came back much earlier, especially if part time was possible. Everyone is different, every baby is different, and a year is actually quite a long time. Ten months will probably whizz by and you'll know you're heading for your RTW date, but it will be long enough.

Totally agree with this. Sad but true. My eldest is almost 16 and it still happens (but now I feel comfortable with telling people to back off and/or ignore them). For what it's worth, I went back to work when he was 6m, DP stayed home for the rest of the year but DS started childcare a few weeks before DP went back to work to get into a bit of a routine. With DD we were in a different place financially so I took 22m off. It actually meant I spent more time with both of them, funnily enough. Things happen how they happen, do what suits you.

You do you. Maybe firmly tell her that it is your decision if you carries on. I don’t know anyone at all who went back to full time work after having a baby, everyone makes different choices, it is no one’s business apart from the parents.

I don't know anybody who took the full year off. I took 10 months with my first and 9 months which my 2nd. You don't need to justify yourself to her. You have off what you can afford. It's none of her business.

I think you can only say, ' I am going to do this....' and crack on. Ignore the jibes. If she goes on and on then 'I have explained to you'. Then ignore. I went back after three months because that was what I could afford. DD was fine.

Going back to work will be a challenge wether you do it at 10 months or 12 months - it won't make a difference. So do whatever is right for you! Yes, it'd be nice to have the extra 2 months at home with your baby, but wouldn't it also be nice to be able to afford to take your baby out every now and again, which will be easier to do if you go back to work and start making money again?

YABU - she's telling you to try to save a bit more money if you can because you don't know how you'll feel, there can be all sorts of reasons why after 10 months you're not ready to go back.

I was going to go back to work after 10 months, but at 7 months old my daughter was hospitalised for 3 months because having hit all her milestones slightly early she had regressed and could no longer even hold her own head up. (She's a happy ready to start high school 11 year old now) We still don't know what caused it as 3 months later she suddenly un-regressed!

But my sister who was a SAHM has kept saying to me for months before my maternity leave to save as much as I could because you never know how you'll feel etc I like you thought she was being judgemental of my choice - but looking back I'm glad she did give me that advice it meant I could stay with my daughter for those extra months.

She'd sounds a right ass, but the bigger issue is your feeling of inadequacy. Once you've reconciled this, most of her tripe will be water off a duck's back.

Since iv become a parent, oldest is 12. I have realized no matter what you do, you will be judged by somebody. You could spend every waking minute doting on your child and someone will still tell you it's wrong! It's your family and your life, yes people can have an opinion on it, but you are also allowed to tell them to stuff their opinion. You are the boss of your world! Don't let people make you feel bad for making any parenting decisions. You know what's right.

I went back at 6 mo this with my first because I loved my job and I didn't like staying at home alone with my baby all day. When I had the second I did stay off for the year because I had 2 then. Plus I had someone else on maternity at the same time so it didn't feel so lonely.

You need to have the confidence in your own decisions and not care what others think. There are going to be loads of people giving their five pence worth about all sorts of parenting decisions and you need to let is go over your head.

Don't her second guess you. Not helpful

You’ll be just fine, and what you’re planning to do is totally normal and absolutely fine.

Your relative is projecting, and you are right, there is not a good intention behind this. She’s being, at best, a smug, sanctimonious, self-centred bore.

Keep your distance from her, as this type of person will use every aspect of parenting as an opportunity to assert the superiority of her own life choices.

If they get to know the childminder before they hit the separation anxiety age, it really helps everyone. So in that sense 10 months can be better than one year.

you do what works for you. For my first I was able to take 1 year and found it so hard going back to work I really thought I wanted to be a SAHP. Then he turned into a crazy toddler and I had a rapid rethink lol. For my second I could only take 10 months and that was fine too. Neither is better or worse, they are loved and safe and cared for (plus daycare do loads of messy play so I don't have to feel bad about not covering my house in glitter and slime!)

Some people are just know it alls, I think

If that’s all you can take then that’s all you can take so dont beat yourself up. Or let someone else do that for you.

the plus side is babies at 9 months are notoriously easier to settle into childcare before they get super clingy at around 12 months so hopefully you’ll have a much easier time if it.

there’s always a silver lining if you look for it.

I’m left feeling rather inadequate even though I know my length of maternity leave is normal.

Whether she’s rude, insensitive, unhelpful or downright mean - this is your actual problem. If you’re old enough to have a job and a baby, you’re old enough to stop giving a flying fuck for other people’s opinions! And that’s on you to remember that, and embrace it.

She’s got some agenda which is nothing to do with you and is projecting. Is she opposed to you working on principle?

Its a stupid and unhelpful thing to say at this point anyway; its not as if you have the money so what are you going to do about it?

This!

It's true, you don't know how you'll feel. I thought I'd be happy staying off for a year but turns out PND sucks and it was best for everyone that I took a new contract at 7.5 months.
You have to do what is right for you and your family, and stuff everyone else.

Say ‘Are you developing short-term memory loss, Susan? I’ve told you repeatedly when I will be returning to work.’

I went back early, when DS was seven months. Maternity leave was not my idea of a good time. I started enjoying parenthood only once I had a professional life alongside.

It sounds like she is trying to justify her own decisions by forcing her opinion on you.

Do what works best for you.

Unless there's a safeguarding issue, I don't think anyone just have an opinion on how other people raise there children.