To not know how to drive?

I can drive, my dad taught me. I don’t have a license and have never had any formal lessons so legally I cannot drive (and I do not). I also live in a city with great public transportation ect. I will say the fact I know how to gives me peace of mind that 1) if it was ever an emergency I could drive (even tho it would be illegal, very naughty I know. Lock me up.) and 2) if I ever want to move away from the city or the public transportation gets shit, I can just take the test and I won’t need to do lessons (maybe one or two to make sure I’m confident). In this day and age, I don’t think you “need” to drive, but it is a good skill to have. I will also say I’ve always been driven around by partners and my older siblings so maybe I never had the desire to drive like a lot of young people have.

I'd get a new instructor, get recommendations from other people, keep going until you pass . E ven if you never drive you will have the licence to fall back on if in the future you need it

I would agree it will be a PITA when your kids are older, especially as often activities clash.

My mum doesn’t drive. As a child/teen I was embarrassed and often missed out on things. Eg, if an activity was too far away to easily/quickly walk we didn’t go, such as swimming lessons. It would have been 5/10 min in the car, but 25/30 min walking. It was too much to do in an evening with a younger sibling in tow, so we didn’t do it. There was one after school hobby I did but another parent had to always give me lifts (my dad was working so not back in time). Similar with play dates. Unless the other parent could drive me home I couldn’t go (at usual play date end time of 530/630pm my sibling was having dinner, so it wasn’t feasible to be walking 20/30 min each way to collect me).

I would also concur with other posters re old age. My dad devastatingly passed away completely unexpectedly. My mum now has mobility issues. I try and help as much as I can but with my own family, working part time and living 30+ min away depending on traffic, I can’t always help. Whilst I’m sure she understands that, I do feel guilty that sometimes she’s having to walk- bus-walk etc.

I can't drive. Never needed to so never bothered, I don't want the expense of a car either - insurance, MOT, petrol etc would cost far more than my £2 bus journey into work twice a week (I wfh 3 days a week).

I don't need a car for my lifestyle however - I am a single parent and have nobody to take me to places, so I planned my life around this.

If your dh is fine with driving then no problem, but if anything happened then would you be able to manage without him driving you? I think it's important not to rely on someone else for a car purely for your own independence.

Can't drive either. I tried 3 times and then I had no money left. I'm glad I didn't get a driver's license, although lol with a carriage bike and 4 kids in it and a flat tire in the snow wasn't that great, but at least it was safe. Sometimes I bike, my mind drifts off and then whoop there's all of a sudden a car. Goodness. What do you want? Are you first? Am I first? Bit dangerous with a car I think.

Nobody even minds, this is really bizarre!

There’s a lot of jealousy on Mumsnet…maybe people are upset that your DH as not even the father of your kids cares so much as to help with driving. Not trying to be a bitch, but this is the way it comes across. That’s not your issue OP.

As far as driving is concerned, I really hate it, passed at age 39 on automatic. Don’t drive as DH has a massive car and I want a little one but it’s too expensive, still I’ve got my licence in case I need it. Automatic really is easier, any chance DH can change to automatic?

How good is public transport if you need to get DC or DH to A&E?

I had to get my DH to A&E recently (man cave mishap) and was bleeding buckets. I bundled him into the car and drove there. He was being stitched up within an hour. Ambulance wait times were averaging over three hours by comparison.

That would be wise. It is up to the OP's Husband if he wishes to have the burden of driving all the time. Driving is really not for everybody, if a person is crying from fear behind the wheel, I personally would rather they did not bother.

Ignore them, they’ve nothing better to do and that’s obvious to everyone else reading

I was sort of in this position, except I had got my licence, but never driven since. I know that fear though.

Trust me, even if you stay as a SAHM, once your kids reach the age of activities and playdates it’s going to be a PITA not to drive.

I now drive. I don’t love it, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing a long journey alone, but short journeys no longer scare me.

The more you do it, the more the fear recedes. A dashboard phone holder and google maps with the spoken directions helps a lot, I find. So does an automatic- I will probably never drive a manual ever again.

Make yourself do it, it’s worth it.

I don’t see why people make such a big deal about being able to drive. As long as you can live your life ok and not demand lifts off others, who cares?

My husband and I and our uni kids can all drive and it’s useful. But we also get public transport. Don’t pressurise yourself. We don’t need anxious nervous drivers on the road!

@NattyBiscuit
Sorry but, you are fucking strange, why does it matter if her husband is her children's step father? Why are you stalking her threads?
You are a weirdo 😬

I mean, it depends if in theory you WANT to drive?

If you do, then look into it, talk to friends to get recommendations for a kind and patient instructor. As it really does make a world of difference.

I started lessons at 17, but had some horrific, angry man as my instructor, he used to scream at me for getting things wrong and even slapped my hand if I crossed my hands on the steering wheel. He made me a nervous wreck and after three lessons said I should learn automatic.

I quit learning and didn't learn again until I was 25. This time, I found a lovely instructor. He was patience personified and had a very gentle manner in how he conducted himself. I failed my first test as nerves got the better of me, but quickly booked a new test and passed with flying colours, aged 26, in a manual car.

Where I live, you NEED a car, so having that freedom of not relying on public transport and others was amazing.

What scares you? Would learning automatic help? Or maybe some hypnotherapy? My best mate has a licence, but is a nervous driver. She had some hypnotherapy and it genuinely helped her.

If you want to learn, go for it and learn at a pace and with an instructor that you're comfortable with.

Good luck.

Your current car is a manual but there's no reason why the next one couldn't be an automatic. You might find that you can relax a bit more when driving an automatic because there is less to coordinate and no danger of stalling, wrong gear, rolling back on a hill etc etc.

My first instructor was terrible. Shouted at me for getting my right and left mixed up ( I have dyslexia and dysbraxia not that it matters)

I got a new instructor who was great, really patient and supportive and he got me there after a couple failed attempts. I've now been driving years and am very confident.

I grew up in Dublin and if I never moved to a more rural town I probably wouldn't have bothered. I have friends in London who have never driven.