To not know how to drive?

Well, if I wasn’t married etc, and I was looking for a partner, then I wouldn’t be keen, no.

Because every time we went anywhere that wasn’t that town, I’d be expected to drive.

My sibling didn’t learn until he was mid twenties. If we socialised together (he lived about 30 min away from me), I had to drive. Usually to the town where he lived, often diverting to pick him up on the way. If it’s a close friend/family member/partner I’ve found the expectation is that you’ll arrange things close to them, and/or divert and pick them up on the way. If he had wanted to come here he would have had to take a train to another local town and then a bus out here. So he never came here, or on the rare occasion he did I had to go pick him up and bring him back.

I found it wearing tbh, that the assumption generally becomes you’ll ‘just nip past and grab’ them rather than expect them to deal with 45 min door to door taking public transport Vs a smaller detour to collect them.

We have family who live in London who can drive but don’t own a car and I understand that makes sense, but unless you live somewhere with good public transport, the onus (over time) transfers to the driver because it takes less time to drive than buses/trains especially when you factor in walking and connection times.

Sorry if this has been touched on but have you tried having lessons with a new instructor and not inside the city? I know city driving still stresses me out now and I’ve driven all over Europe for years including with trailers etc so I’m not exactly inexperienced.

If you’ve not tried it:
new instructor
quiet suburb
perhaps an automatic, as others have suggested!

Non drivers have thought those things through you know.

I don't want to go on a driving holiday in a camper van, it's not what I enjoy doing. Nor do I want to live rurally, if I could afford it I'd live in zone 1 London as I adore city life.

It's not "limiting" me because I don't want to do those things.

I can see how if you live in a city like London, with great public transport, you might not feel the need to own a car. But I would still consider it a useful skill to be able to drive so I could hire one from time to time.

So many of the holidays we have done would be impossible if at least one of us didn't drive. In fact in a weeks time we are hiring a camper van for a few days in Scotland.

Holidays apart, it feels as though by not driving you are always limiting your options for where you can live, the jobs you can consider, the leisure activities you can take part in.

Surely if that happened they'd just get a taxi

I'm more interested in the fact there's an A&E in this country that got an adult seen and stitched up within the hour 😱

Surely if that happened they'd just get a taxi?

OP in the circumstances you describe it sounds like you don't need to be able to drive so it's fine that you don't. If you move out of the city you could always try again later.

If you did pass your test but didn't drive regularly, you'd likely forget how to anyway, so wouldn't be in any better position. I'd just forget about driving for now and come back to it later if you need to, you can always sign up to an intensive course and possibly also change to an automatic as your family car as they're getting more common now.

I mixed up my directions on my driving test! I did the correct procedure just indicated to turn the opposite direction to what he had asked, must have known it was nerves as he just repeated the instruction and all was well.

Neither of my parents drove. Living in central London they saw no need.

People on MN are often quite horrible about those who don't drive. I think that's because they apply their own circumstances to it (it was easy for them, or it was hard but they made it work, they live in the countryside or a place with crap public transport, someone has taken the piss with getting lifts off them etc etc)
You need to apply your own circumstances rather than theirs.
If you want to do it I'd echo that automatic is easier, but if you don't you just need to check that you can get where you want to go.
I live in a big city where driving takes longer than public transport for many journeys, I can afford taxis to the places I go regularly which are tricky and I like walking and it's good for my health. I find driving nerve-wracking - a moment of not paying attention and you could kill someone. I have many moments of not paying attention!
I do sometimes think it would be good to learn as DH does drive us out of the city every now and then and I'd miss that if I didn't have it. It would also be useful for me to be able to drive (and drive away from) big gatherings of friends which are sometimes held in the countryside, but to do that id have to be a really confident driver. When I've driven in the past (in a different country) I wasn't a confident driver. I could get to the regular places I needed to go but would totally freak out if faced with a big highway. On balance I've decided not to try to get a UK license.

I can't imagine how difficult it is to learn to drive when older, I'll be encouraging as best I can that mine learn when they're in school (we'll be paying for everything), even if they don't need it for a while, chances are they will at some point in their life and it would be much harder to learn when you HAVE to.

I had quite bad driving anxiety in my 20s, after uni, from a rural area, it was knocked on the head when I simply had to drive long distances for work later in my 20s onwards. Being able to drive (be that physically and mentally!) is so incredibly freeing. Even in London we had a car, there is a limit as to what public transport can do.

But if your life is genuinely fine without driving, and it works for your family, that's all that matters.

Maybe try hypnotherapy to tackle your driving anxiety too? And think about automatic.

@CompletelyLost24 but i wouldn't choose to live there (for many reasons) -i hate the idea of living somewhere where driving is a necessity.

if you met someone who lived in the local town- would you expect them to share driving because you have chosen to live in a village?

@Anxiouswaffle because different places might require it, realistically?

Like @Gunz i live in a village on the outskirts of a small town. We’re in the south east, a lot of people commute into London-it’s not exactly remote. There is a poor bus service. It goes to the local railway station in one direction, about 2.5/3 miles away, once per hour (but is regularly late and you’d miss your train if you were banking on it being on time. I know this because DH initially thought he’d use it to get to the station. It was so unreliable he gave up and drove. He biked for a bit but I hated it because I felt it not safe as he was travelling when dark. The road is 50mph but people speed a lot and it’s unlit, and no pavement).

If you wanted to go into the local town, or say had a hospital appointment you would have to bus it to the station (knowing it is regularly 30/40 min late and on occasion just doesn’t turn up), then walk into town, 20/25 min, and then onto the hospital, another 10 min…. You’d have to leave so far in advance to account for travel time and delays… for a journey that’s barely 15 min in the car.

The other direction it goes through all the villages. It takes 1.5hrs to do a journey that normally takes 25 min- my DS used it occasionally to visit his friend. Fine for the occasional visit for a teen in the holidays. Would be absolutely useless to use it to commute to work.

The big supermarkets deliver here. But you can’t call an Uber- they won’t come out to the village. You can get an Uber home from the station, but like a previous poster, it’s about £15.

We have a few village shops so we’re not completely isolated, you’d be ok if you had an illness/injury and couldn’t drive for a week or so and had to make do, but for day to day life here, you realistically need to drive or rely on someone who does.

There is no way I would get into a relationship with someone who didn’t drive whilst living in a place like this because I would have to take on all the driving. Even distances that you might otherwise walk are unsafe to do so all the roads leading in and out of the village are all country lanes- national speed limit, no pavements, no lighting. For kids activities etc, everything involes a car journey.

You don't necessarily need a designated driver on a night out, I always get a taxi or bus. Nobody I know drives to a night out, even the ones who drive. But then we have decent public transport.

I find it really bizarre that people wouldn't date someone who doesn't /can't drive- why does it matter so much?

I took ages to pass my test and numerous attempts (its the only thing in my life that ive ever failed) and I can safely say that it hasn't changed my life in anyway.
I've never had to drive to work - i did at one stage have a job where i drove to the station in the morning but even then i couldn't always be bothered- would cycle /walk/get the bus- especially if i was going out. I have done some ferrying kids around but to be honest if you don't drive you choose your activities differently or plan better. And its even easier now a days with the availability of Ubers

I got fed up about not having a driving licence even after having a motor
cycling one. So I did a two week or maybe it was four intensive course and and that did the trick.
I was afeared but the daily driving helped so much with a qualified instructor

I passed my test on the second attempt at 21,but then didn't drive much after that because I didn't need to.

When I met DH he did all the driving, so basically I got so out of practice I almost couldn't drive anymore. In the end I did a refresher course and got going again.

I must admit, if we are travelling a long way on motorways DH still does most of it, but I can and do take a turn. It doesn't seem fair otherwise.

In your case I assume your DH is always the designated driver on a night out, which doesn't sound very fair.

I drive everywhere as public transport is dire. I have got an age where I recognise going forward that I need to live somewhere where there are better transport links. I currently live in a Village where you can't get out of the Village after 5pm on a Saturday - no Sunday or Bank Holiday services. Taxi services are really expensive - £15 to the railway station - which is 2.5 miles away.

It's not a basic life skill though, as many people get through life fine without it.

I have dyspraxia, can't tell my left from right and I'd get lost in a lift. I deemed it an important life skill so booked lessons. I passed my test first time within 3 months. I wouldn't date anyone who couldn't drive. Excuses of 'oh the public transport is great' is very short sighted.

Oh no you don't drive and you're a SAHM.
The pitchforks are coming.😂

@whatawickedgame I would hate it if I could not drive!! passed when i was 30 and still going at 70. good driver. one accident and the other drivers fault. need a car where I live. it will change your life if you could drive/ give it another few chances, if you can. get your instructor to take you to quieter areas, car parks etc till you get used to the feel of driving a car again. some people take to it naturally and some have to really work at it. my daughter passed three weeks after her 17th birthday in a manual car.

It isn't for everyone. I had a friend who never "got" it, she had loads of lessons and failed the test 4 times, accepted that she hated it and gave up.
Better to decide not to be a driver than to be a nervous, not very safe one.

To be fair, I’m glad you don’t drive too if you can’t concentrate on the road 😂

You need to get another instructor and learn. Being dependent on someone else to drive yourself and your kids around is putting real limitations on you and unfair pressure on them - and who's to say your DH is always going to be there to drive you?
Driving is a basic life skill. Most people don't really enjoy it - I certainly don't - but I learned because, after growing up in a household where my own mum couldn't drive, I didn't want the same limitations and the same having to say no to so many playdates/clubs/holiday activities for my kids.