To not know how to drive?

I paid for my kids licenses when they were old enough lessons they funded themselves. I did have lessons 30 odd years ago but never went for my test and it was getting expensive on 1 minimum wage and 3 kids . I do not drive its still too bloody expensive i walk everywhere or use the bus even when raining . My parents would never have paid anyway. My husband drives i don't rely on him for lifts anywhere at all or my kids. Its not killed me nearest town center 30 minutes away. I just get on with it my kids knew when younger their dad wasn't their personal taxi but they did get lifts if they asked but they didn't take the pee. Im not after sympathy just stating a fact. Do i regret it no

And it’s not up to you what (non-offensive and entirely relevant) opinions other posters have FFS.

I tried to learn, tried different instructors including one who specialised in 'nervous' drivers. I was actually told by them that driving was not for me after I got so stressed during a lesson that my leg went into spasm around a roundabout and kept bumping up and down on the accelerator. I had to hold my leg up while they drove using dual control.

I have dyspraxia and whilst I tried to learn in a manual and an automatic it still meant I couldn't organise myself enough to cope with looking through mirrors in different places, holding a steering wheel and moving it whilst looking out the windscreen to see where I was going, changing gears, let alone looking for road signs including speed. I was literally a danger to myself and everyone else on the road.

I agree with everyone who says try automatic - and if it’s an option consider selling your existing car and getting an automatic.

As someone who has really struggled with driving confidence I don’t see why they even bother to make manuals now, except for in sporty cars.

If you live in a city with good public transport you can probably get away with never learning to drive and maybe it’s just really not for you. But I do agree with others that it’s one of those life skills that is very good to have - like swimming or riding a bike. And I say this without any judgment as someone who is a weak swimmer, very poor cyclist and spent a long time avoiding driving because I find it stressful!

If you really want to drive, try an automatic. It's so much easier - like an entirely different skill.

I did pass in a manual but was constantly terrified and had terrible anxiety about driving, and so just never did it. A few years later we needed a new car so got an automatic, just to see if it helped. As soon as I started driving the automatic I was fine. I still avoid long journeys and motorways (though can do them if I psyche myself up), but I can jump in the car and do whatever I need to do day to day no bother. It's so freeing.

Because it's not for you to say what other people should do with their lives.

@showmethephotos I meant surely you can relate to your friends' losses in the future. You never forget the grief, or I didn't when my brother died when he was a child. I've moved on, but it gives me more empathy towards those close to me who experience bereavement .

Both husband and I drive, and have since we were 21.

If we are going somewhere together, my husband drives because he is more confident and I don't love driving, although I don't mind it and he loves it.

For a couple of years, husband couldn't drive because of a now-treated medical condition and so I was the only driver in the household and it was frustrating and I felt a little resentful at the time (even though he obviously couldn't help it!). It's not nice being the only driver in the household.

For the reasons stated. What’s it to you what my opinion is? 😂

Why do you think "everyone" should learn? What's it to you how other people choose to live?

Your decision, should be respected. Worth knowing taxi firms in case your DH cannot drive on any occasion.

I had to force myself to drive when I moved countries from a big city. Not driving severely limited my ability to get a job. I did however get am automatic car. Fairly easy to buy nowadays.

I understand how scary it can be. I can drive, but I've lost my skills due to thinking I'm not very good at it, DH does all the driving. However, I did try a new instructor for a refresher course and he said I did very well! I live in a rural area so I need to get over it if I'm to have any independence. Please keep going!

I think everyone should learn (if they are medically able). You are forgoing a lot of independence by not being able to drive. What if your DH wasn’t around for whatever reason, or if he was unwell and needed you to drive him somewhere urgently? I think it’s worth persevering. Not learning seems short-sighted.

@whatawickedgame don’t let anyone pressure you. You have to be ready, else it’s not going to happen. I started learning at 17 due to pressure from a bf, but stopped as I absolutely hated it. I wasn’t ready. Got through life very easily without it for the next 20 years and I didn’t live in a city either! I never needed lifts, walked loads and got the train/bus. It’s perfectly viable to be independent without driving so don’t let anyone pressure you.

however, I decided to try driving again during lockdown due to my parents living an hour away and me wanting to be able to support them. I have an automatic licence now. I like driving but I really hate other road users! My advice would be find a new instructor and try an automatic. You can always change your current car! Good luck x

I feel this. I've got my test soon and have only had lessons, no private practice. My teacher is fantastic actually, but I've been learning for ages (it's taken me a while to get the hang of, plus long waiting time for a test date), and I'm at a point of just being done with spending an hour being told what to do and knowing I'm being monitored. I don't begrudge my teacher doing the monitoring nor for telling me what to do - that's his job! But I am just reaching saturation point with the tension and feeling judged! Wish I'd been able to do some private practice. If I don't pass this time, I'm going to try and find a way to do that before attempting again.

Can you not buy an old banger out of the classified ads (finances permitting) and get somebody with a licence to ride shotgun in a big private carpark after closing. It's harder to learn to drive with just driving lessons. You need to take the pressure off and get used to the feel of driving to build up confidence. Then you can venture onto the roads a bit more. I know many who have overcome their problems this way. I always found lessons so much pressure. You've got one hour, not even that most the time, and thinking about things like cost and not wasting time really ramps it up. Then there's the constant knowledge that the instructor might grab the wheel or step on the brake and is always telling you where to go. I had a right twitchy fucker the one time and it sent me to pieces waiting for his next tap on the brakes. Threw me right off, even though I'd already got to test level and passed my theory by the time he came along. I could feel his twitchyfuckerness and it made me nervous, giving rise to stupid mistakes I'd long since stopped making.

A driving instructor is preparing you for your test, hence all the telling you everything you're going to do. I found it so off-putting. Nicer to be in control of where you're going. I think it's good to have some of both lessons and private practice.

As the old chestnut goes, "there's more than one way to skin a cat". Although, why anyone would want to skin a cat, I don't know. Bit weird and psychopathic.

If you really can't get over the crying thing, at least you tried your best. It's worth it to try because having your own transport is a very freeing thing.

I don’t know how he did either. Everyone else was shooting daggers at us!

YANBU at the moment. You need to look towards the future though. Your DH may not always be with you. You may not always live in a city with good transport links. A driving license is a life skill and certainly something worth having in case the need arises for you to use it.

I can't drive and I last took lessons about 15 years ago. Really struggled learning in a manual despite months of lessons. Going to try lessons in an automatic once youngest dc is in preschool (sahm and no childcare until then). Not overly optimistic about managing to pass as I'm in my 40s now and the things I found hard are simply managing to pay attention to everything on the road, and that will still be there in an automatic. But I have more money to throw at lessons now so I will just keep taking them for however long it takes or I get sick of it!

I live in London zone 2 and most scenarios all the drivers throw up where a car might be necessary aren't an issue tbh, so learning to drive isn't an essential skill here. Would never live somewhere where it was absolutely necessary.
But it would be nice to do day trips and pick up some big purchases, and do some quicker journeys, some places are a 25 min drive but 40 mins by public transport.

If you live in a city there's little point. When we lived (very briefly) in the city my car sat for so long the battery died! I loved using the underground or walking. Where we live up north now we have little choice but to drive as the DC's school alone is miles away.

It’s up to you obviously, it’s your life.

its only on here I seem to see so many people “terrified” of driving. I’ve never come across one single person like this in real life.

Well you could get your own car to use while your husband is at work.

I suppose because I wouldn't want to be limited on activities/ hobbies/ holidays where I live by having to take into account the non-driving partner and take on all the responsibility for driving if we want to go anywhere (many places) not easily accessible by public transport

I live in a university town with ok public transport (direct half hourly trains to London via 2 other biggish cities and loads of buses) but where you need to live within the town to access that isn't always where you'd ideally want to (unless you love living next door to student HMOs).

It's probably easier to be in a relationship where neither of you drive as then there's no question - you have to plan your lives around where is accessible by public transport. But when one of you can drive, there's pressure to make certain decisions, often in DC's interests (e.g. school/sports etc) where only the driving partner can actually make it possible, and that confers more responsibility /less flexibility on them.

e.g. if only I could drive I'd have to do all the DC's sports stuff at weekends as rugby clubs tend to not be right next to public transport or would be a massive ball ache. If neither of us could drive the dc just wouldn't play rugby or we'd live in London where it's doable.

What? People suggesting OP learn are just jealous?
It's a really useful skill OP and very few people can't learn given the right instruction
You never know what life may throw at you, best to be prepared.