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Original poster

To go for a job my colleague is also going for?

30 replies

Welshey · 29/08/2024 18:28

Hi all,

In a bit of a moral dilemma. I’ve been working with a colleague on an ongoing project for 2 months or so.

She’s been at the company for 3 years, I’ve been at the company 1 year, but we only met 2 months ago as I had been working in a different office. Since then we work together pretty much all day, just the two of us and I really like her.

A role has come up in a rival and arguably better company. We work in a niche industry and roles like this do not come up very often.

I also really want to apply but I feel so guilty even thinking about going behind her back and doing so. I think either of us would stand a very decent chance of getting the role.

I am much more experienced in one aspect of the role, whereas she is much more experienced in an another aspect.

The thing is, I did not know about the role until she mentioned she was going to apply on Monday. I’d be stabbing her in the back if I applied and got the role.

She has mentioned multiple times this week she plans on applying but I have kept quiet…

Should I apply? Should I tell her? It’s so niche if I don’t tell her, there is a chance she will find out through the grapevine that I also applied…

Thank you in advance for your advice!

OP posts:
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middleagedandinarage · 30/08/2024 10:32

If you're not worried about keeping up a friendship after you stop working together then apply, one of you get the job, you worked together for a couple of months and never see each other again, end of story! If you see yourselves as becoming life long friends outside work then don't apply.

readysteadynono · 30/08/2024 10:31

Personally I would tell her I was applying and wish her luck.

AutumHarvestGlow · 30/08/2024 10:28

She would do it to you . Look on the work forum , people who have left a work place after many years only to be snubbed and forgotten about. Look after yourself at work.

Smartiepants79 · 30/08/2024 10:26

Does she know you’ve only found out because she’s mentioned it? Because that’s the only bit that’s could be seen as unfair. How did she know about it and you didn’t, is it possible you could have found this on your own??
I still think you go for it.

GreyCarpet · 30/08/2024 10:21

Sweetteaplease · 30/08/2024 02:50

I wouldn't apply if you valued the friendship more than the role

I think this is a valid point.

But I wouldn't value 2 months of knowing someone in a work capacity, where our paths might never cross again if one of us got a new role in a different company, over applying for a job I really wanted!

autienotnaughty · 30/08/2024 04:03

Definitely apply but I would say something as otherwise you look sneaky

tamade · 30/08/2024 03:49

Apply, it is the only way to know who is the best.

Sweetteaplease · 30/08/2024 02:50

I wouldn't apply if you valued the friendship more than the role

anon4net · 30/08/2024 02:12

Noe owns a potential job. Apply.

You can't hold your own job/life back unless there is good reason. Knowing someone in a work setting is not a reason.

sarahzbaker · 30/08/2024 02:03

Level playing field - tell her if you want

PeloMom · 30/08/2024 02:02

Apply.

ChickenandaCanofCoke · 30/08/2024 01:58

Eh? Apply

Chocolateorange22 · 29/08/2024 20:17

Apply for it

I applied for an internal role, a couple of my colleagues did too. I had way much more experience and was offered it in interview. I wouldn't have been fussed if any of the others had got it.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 29/08/2024 20:12

Of course you apply for it.

I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't

Sethera · 29/08/2024 20:12

Apply.

Personally I would tell her you're applying, I'd rather not have to lie by concealing, or worry about her finding out. If you can both apply on amicable terms it might be useful in the comparing notes/waiting to hear phase to have someone to share this with.

Lovelydovey · 29/08/2024 20:08

Apply - don't hold yourself back for her.

My close colleague - we both do the same job and share team management etc - and I are both having to apply for jobs as our project is coming to an end. And most of the time they're the same jobs. We've taken a decision to be open and transparent with each other and indeed to help each other with applications where we can. Whoever gets the job, gets the job. There's nothing personal in it.

DeliciousApples · 29/08/2024 20:05

I would feel like shit if I got it and had to tell her I'm leaving to take up the job you wanted. She trusted you with that info. You didn't do the legwork to find it. She did. You're shitting on her.

Butchyrestingface · 29/08/2024 19:56

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 29/08/2024 19:50

This is precisely why I always keep my mouth shut about applying for roles.

That's what I was thinking. If she finds out - or suspects - that OP only learned of the job because of her disclosure, she'll never chat about any more profound than the weather again with you. Grin

You should obviously still apply though.

GoogolB · 29/08/2024 19:51

Definitely apply. I would have a quiet word, to say, ‘I know you’re applying for X job, so I thought I should let you know that I’ve already applied too. Just didn’t want it to be a shock if we’re both called for interview. Good luck.”

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 29/08/2024 19:50

This is precisely why I always keep my mouth shut about applying for roles.

Chicheguevara · 29/08/2024 19:46

Apply. Get it done. You will either be successful or you won’t. Loads of people will apply anyway. Would this person not apply for a job if they thought you were going to apply? I bet it wouldn’t stop them. You sometimes have to just go for what you want.

m00rfarm · 29/08/2024 19:45

I cannot believe she told you she was going to a job in another company having only known you 8 weeks!

SauviGone · 29/08/2024 19:37

Of course you should apply.

I understand why you’d feel bad about it, given that if she hadn’t mentioned it you wouldn’t even know about the job in the first place.

I guess it’ll be a lesson for her to keep her own counsel in future.

RobinHood19 · 29/08/2024 19:36

The thing is, I did not know about the role until she mentioned she was going to apply on Monday. I’d be stabbing her in the back if I applied and got the role.

Why, has the job not been made public?

You could’ve stumbled across the vacancy on Tuesday. You could’ve had an email from a recruiter on Wednesday. You cannot guarantee you wouldn’t have found about the job had she not mentioned it.

I’m in an extremely niche job and this happens all the time. Often we hear about new positions from colleagues (only to come across those same vacancies again online shortly after), nobody holds it against each other when we all apply together. It’s totally normal in small, competitive fields.

If you’d like to apply, apply.

longdistanceclaraclara · 29/08/2024 19:32

I don't understand why you think you shouldn't apply. Just go for it.