DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

Did you read all of OP’s updates? She is naturally hilarious and has a knack for storytelling, even in shitty situations.

When you wake up and chose to be shitty,..

and I’d not describe this as trauma.

Glad it went Ok Op.

Your husband can be as sociable as he wants-but not at your expense!

He's an absolute fool for just doing as his friend says-but that's obviously more important than you.

I'm not sure what I would have done tbh.

Just eaten, eaten & stayed or gone upstairs & avoided the whole thing.

I’m glad you have found someone else’s trauma so entertaining

As much as I didn’t want to enjoy this thread as it really sounds like a shitty situations, your updates really did make me smile @Anthologist ! I’m glad you were able to make light of it (and I would feel similarly about French girlfriend - @hotsouple that skit was spot on!)

I hope now that the dust has settled that you’re able to have a frank and honest conversation with your DH about the position he put you in and how disregarded he made you feel. And get a month’s worth of rest!

Hey OP, just wanted to say I've thoroughly enjoyed your thread. I've been awake early with a cup of tea in bed while everyone else sleeps....this is the sort of escapism I come to MN for...thank you for sharing and I look forward to the next instalment with the French girlfriend

@Sham....you are clearly in a highly abusive relationship.
As are your poor children.
I hope you are realising this and have support.

This is an excellent post and I hope you take it to heart @Anthologist. Even though your humor is wonderful, don’t let it hide the fact that you’re hurting. 💐

@shams05 The silent treatment (particularly when it's for as long as that) is legally classed as emotional abuse.

I'm guessing that it will take a few days for DP and I to sort things out. DP is triumphant that it went well, the food was okay and that my reaction was ridiculous. I'm still feeling badly stung that he didn't consult me or explain the situation fully before agreeing to it. I'm also smarting from being called inflexible and a fun sponge. He seems to get more extrovert and sociable as he gets older and would love to be socialising every evening. I'm going in the other direction and prefer quality of contact to quantity. I hope it's not going to trip us up. Feel a bit gloomy about it.

You have every right to feel stung, he rode roughshod over you and your feelings. Even if the bean stew was a culinary masterpiece, that’s not the point here

The late40s marked a shift in my tolerance and energy for socialising.
We used to host a lot - student days, 20something, 30s with small kids. But I'm now 51 and I've been through a few years with really low energy levels and I just haven't got the vroom to whirl through the house checking there's a spare loo roll and that the dishwasher is ready.

A good, comfortable pub, to meet friends, nurse a pint for an evening would have been a male centric option years ago. There's always been a need for these spaces. But I just don't want to be providing it anymore.

That’s awful 😣

I hope he’s changed now and his behaviour hasn’t put you off speaking your mind to him or objecting to something if you don’t agree with his plans?

The silent treatment is basically a method of control and punishment.

Compromise is what you need OP. He wants to socialise all the time, you don’t. In a partnership there needs to be a middle ground. Like certain days are definitely off limit for hosting. AND Communication. He needs to communicate thoroughly about any hosting plans and why. It can work.

. I understand now why DP struggled with the dump trip last week and why today DP said there was no point in arguing with FF one he'd made his mind up that he was coming.

Your partner was enthusiastic about last night , he didn’t sound pushed into it at all. Not only that but it’s absurd if you’re trying to say an adult especially a 51 year old can’t say to his friend, presumably of a similar age, “no tonight is too last minute for us mate, we’re not prepared to host you, but I can still come to yours as we had planned. If that doesn’t work let’s reschedule.” And if he really can’t that’s pathetic. He can tell you what’s what but not his friend right?

I just can’t understand why so much blame is shifted onto FF, even if your husband felt he had to say yes to him and his girlfriend what’s his excuse for inviting the two others as well? He sounds a lot like FF himself and very self absorbed and dismissive of what you want.

ETA: I’ve just noticed French girlfriend didn’t come after all. This is probably why he refused to do something at her house. She needed a quiet evening and unlike you her partner respected her wishes. For all you’re criticising FF, he apparently didn’t run roughshod over his girlfriend’s wishes. That was yours who did that.

You've just fabricated that without any foundation! OP went to her house and had a gourmet meal. They are now coming to OP's house for meal. OP is now anxious of living up to said guests' gourmet standards.

How in God's name has that reached any kind of "creepy" level for you!?

Weird...

@Anthologist My salary hasn't gone up in line with costs (like everyone else's, I know)

Apologies if I sound like I'm nitpicking here, but I noticed you didn't say "our salaries"... Please tell me DP has one too?!

If I was invited round to someone's house for dinner and the host's wife/partner said this, I'd feel extremely uncomfortable and would leave.

If I were you, I would not be doing any house cleaning, loo cleaning or preparation for this fun, impropmtu dinner party your DH has organised (inviting the 2nd couple to really piss you off)
I would be out for the day and the evening, about when they've finished the washing up.
DP cooks, you are not there, so no-one will think you've cooked a crap meal (although to me, that's the last thing you should be concerned about)

I don't know about you being a fun sponge OP but there are a fair few on here 🙄

If my DH had pulled that move I'd have done him in with my bare hands so the fact that you kept this thread lightheaded is to be commended.

When I read threads like this, I am reminded why I am single 😂

I would have been FUMING to have my quiet night in taken away, and would have fucked off to the nearest Premier Inn and left him to it.

So yes if the expectation was I would cook you are not being unreasonable to be pd off.

but he's taken over so leave him to it.

You harping on about it now he's taken over is unreasonable tbh.

His mates GF if she doesn't like it won't eat it and will eat later.

Take chill pill.

OP, you sound so lovely, reasonable but very put upon.
Your partner sounds like a nasty bully who thinks it is ok to be really horrible to you when you say no to something.

You have just had guests and he thinks it is ok to have more without consultation.
He is deeply disrespectful of you, and his go to is to be nasty and belittling when you are being perfectly reasonable.

You continue to be upset because your gut is warning you and trying to protect you, that his behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Please don't brush this under the carpet and move on.

He was very wrong to speak to you like that and you should give some thought to how you want your future to be.
Do you want to be with someone who is so disrespectful of you.

Next up is all these visitors?
Fxxk that.
You are not running a guest house, though it does sounds like it.
Just because people want a weekendoff you doesn't mean they get it.
It is perfectly reasonable to say no it doesn't suit.
How much are all these guests costing you?
It is perfectly reasonable to say no, this has become too expensive.

I think you need to sit down and have a very firm chat with him about all these issues.
You are not a skivvy.
Your home is not a guest house.
You are not paying for guests to stay.
You are no longer doing so much cooking.
Ditto the cleaning.
If he speaks to you like that again, ie verbally abuses you like that, you will be rethinking the relationship.
Spell out to him that he owes you a huge apology and mean it.

I think as you are menopausal you are beginning to realise that your partner is not very kind or considerate of you, and you are less inclined to tolerate it.
It is a huge part of the menopause to reflect on the behaviour of those around you.

Lots of relationships and friendships end during this time.
Women firm up their boundaries and stop accepting the bullshit they have tolerated for far too long.
I think this could be your time to reflect!

You really should have left the clean up for him.
Stop behaving like a skivvy to such a disrespectful arsehole.

Well done op, you kept your sense of humour and suvived. Now tonight is your night to relax and do what you want!

You survived OP that's the main thing.

In the future who ever asks the guests cooks and cleans.