DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

Go out to the cinema or something so it's obvious any terrible hosting is his own work.

FF is off his meds and a bit manic — not listening well, hijacking the conversation and yawning when other people were talking about things that were important to them. I understand now why DP struggled with the dump trip last week and why today DP said there was no point in arguing with FF one he'd made his mind up that he was coming. I also understand why the lovely French girlfriend decided to stay home alone. She must need a break.

Oh OP, I can completely recognise this scenario, along with the trip to the dump. DH does indeed have his own FF and it's only the fact that he lives overseas (thank goodness!) means it is impossible it's the same person, they sound so similar. Our FF does not have a formal diagnosis of ADHD, I don't know if he's even aware he has it, but IM (completely unqualified)O he most definitely does.

I know you have signed off this thread now, but if you do come back to check I sympathise with how exhausting it is dealing with FFs and I have enjoyed your thread.

OP, because you live semi rurally with no deliveroo service, and also because the dinner was last night, I’ve got a great idea! Why don’t you just get something delivered! And ask them to not only travel to an area they not deliver in, also to time travel! Honestly, such a simple solution. I’ve no idea why you’re fretting about it.

And while we’re at it, you know the guy you live with who you’ve had a couple of shouty arguments with in nearly a decade and a half? Leave him. He’s a bastard. Trust me. I know more about him than you do. I mean, I don’t, but let’s not get bogged down with the reality now, shall we? 😁

Going forward I'd have a special store of really last minute easy to throw together cupboard recipes like crab linguine, garlic bread etc where you just need to run to the local coop for a few herbs, or grab a bought curry from Cook

This is one of those times where I realise how very very very different I am from some other MNers 😂

This thread has made my day - MN at it's fabulous best - Heathcliff, the carriage and horses - should go into MN Classics.

Just get a takeaway and let them pick their own dish. It's a bit cheeky but not worth a massive fall out over imo.

I'm going to take the high ground here! I'd absolutely let him know what an idiot he'd been dumping us in this situation. But then I'd start hurling instructions at him; think of something simple to prepare but from fresh ingredients which you could get from the local shop/supermarket. Some fresh Tagliatelli, good mushrooms, garlic and black pepper and a creamy or cheese sauce - very easy. Some good garlic bread, you could have dips to start or a simple prawn salad starter, nice and fresh and easy. And the best desert he can find in the supermarket and some good wine! OR he can clean the bathroom and cloakroom and you can fetch the food - personally I'd prefer to go and get it.
If everyone turns up early, it's drinks and nibbles and ask people to help with chopping because they all know you didn't have much notice.
It's not worth having WW3 over this, especially as it sounds like you two don't argue a lot. You never know he might take you to dinner tomorrow to make up for it! Enjoy your evening, it's nothing that serious in the grand scheme of things....

Why do so many people not bother reading the thread - or at least the OPs updates. You do know that it isn't always possible to "just get a curry"?

There are numerous updates from the OP - why not read those then you would find out.

Listen to @AromanticSpices. She is right on both things.

This!

Wait until they arrive and order pizzas, so no-tomato person and vegan person can choose their own!

Okaaaaay

Don't quote the OP.
Do read the OP's posts before offering your opinion.

I would fuck off out he can saybyounhadvarrangementband he has not checked

I would fuck off out let him get in with it

Well I read the original but not all the other posts. My mistake.

NRTFT - The spicy peanut stew is actually amazing - we have it a couple of times a month (or just make the sauce and drizzle it on stuff because it’s the bomb). Him expecting you to cook at no notice for three people is ridonkulous. Then adding an extra two is certifiably batshit. However, that he actually went and found a recipe that catered to everyone’s needs and is reasonably easy to make…that’s at least taking responsibility for the mess. I’ll go back and read the rest now.

I would go out and leave them to it.

You a VU and I don’t care what others say.

DP is inviting some friends of both of yours round, that you like, and is cooking dinner for them.

you’ve thrown a strop over what, exactly?

Another one who hasn’t read OP’s post.

Dinner from Cook or a takeaway would be my options here.

‘Fun sponge’ is a nasty thing to say: anyway, it’s hardly ‘fun’ of him to ask you to shop, cook and host at no notice.