DP just invited four people to dinner tonight and assumed I'd cook

To call the person Flakey friend, when you already know this person has ADHD is so disrespectful. Regardless of the situation UABU.

My God, I’d go mad! I have ADHD so do have many weird traits and people turning up at my house unannounced or without sufficient notice for me to get used to the idea is a big no no, I would absolutely lose the plot and having to cook for them on top of all that would just hit me over the edge. If I were you, I would take my book go and find a quiet restaurant somewhere and take myself out for dinner. YADNBU

Whats goin' on in 'ere....

Um, I think its ok for friends to use what are potentially derogatory terms if used towards strangers or even just people who do not consent to using that sort of language.

I have a Cripple Friend - we call each other 'crips', if I were to write a post that involved her I might well refer to her as Crip Friend or CF - doesn't mean I'd use that language about someone else, doesn't mean I'd be chuffed if someone ELSE used that language to her, or me, without us saying that's ok.

I have a friend with CP. The sexiest of the palsies as everyone knows. The words we may use to describe and refer to one another are our business, and acceptable to us. For the sake of not having this post hidden by MN auto-word-zapper, I won't say it here.

Sometimes when you read something and think 'thats offensive', you can also take a step back and see that 'it's also not about me, and isn't offensive to the people involved, in that context'.

@Goodtogossip

It was a couple of days ago now. The evening has been and gone.

Order yourself a takeaway, Have a long soak in the bath then lock yourself in your bedroom with a good book or a movie on TV & let DP host is FF & Others. If anything is said say it was the night you had planned as DP was meant to be going out & you were looking forward to some peace & quiet.

Following up to say I just read a great article about a local council politician saying something like one ranga replacing another on the council, and someone else making a formal complaint. The aforementioned rangas protested the complaint saying they are proud rangas and the article is written by a ranga, also a proud ranga, bemoaning the cost and time of the complaint and cancel culture generally. This level of offended is a load of bullshit and there must be better things these people could do with their time, even if it’s just watching grass grow then at least it’s not taking up other peoples time. FF calls himself flaky, bloody well let the man describe himself how he wants to.

He’s the very definition of flaky. It doesn’t help to pretend that’s not true, or for everyone to know it’s true but never actually say it out loud to anyone except their most trusted friend. Nothing about behaving that way actually builds acceptance or a better society, it’s just oh I’m a good person because I pretend problems don’t exist.

I can’t tell if you’re joking? You’re way off the mark here

Popped on to read this one as it kept popping up near the top. Read all OP’s posts and wasn’t disappointed. Obvs have no opinion on the situation cause it is what it is but I do think you’re funny OP and have a way with words!
Sligh yawn at yet another MN thread descending in to bollocks because of the terminally offended. Oh when will it end.

Your attacks are becoming irrational and a bit scary tbh. Please stop.

And stop cleaning loos and putting out hand towels for his freeloading family.

He invites = he cleans, plans, and prepares.

YANBU.

The cheek of him.
You're not an extension of his (dysfunctional) personality or an extra pair of arms attached to his body.

Either make yourself scarce tonight (go to the cinema perhaps) or tap your glass with your knife and ask everyone to raise their glasses to toast the cook after everyone has had a few bites of the meal.

It sounds like you’ve had it tough, you’ve been through a lot and I’m sorry about that.
Still, noone is calling your cousin anything, or you anything.

@GladSatsumaShark you are correct her post was about being inconvenienced when she actually wasn’t because her husband cooked. That doesn’t excuse the fact she referred to ADHD as “flaky”. As I first said I tried to end my life 8 years ago because of people like her calling us “flaky”. I was smacked and whacked for being different, I’ve suffered sexual abuse and that’s as a child. As an adult I’ve been beaten black and blue by partners because I’m “FLAKY”. Educate yourselves on neurodiversity before you think you can even try to justify the OP’s post. It’s damn right discrimination and it has affected my mental health. Now that’s another abuse word to add to what I've been called. My point is it would NOT BE APPROPRIATE to call my beautiful cousin a spastic but it’s ok to call me flaky?

It’s not what she is saying though. I doubt anyone would say that. I have a dear friend who has two lovely teenagers with cerebral palsy. And lots of friends with ADHD.

Take a breath and get your RSD back in check.

I've got ADHD and recognise exactly what OP is saying and also spend my time helping the people around me help me. It's having insight into what may cause issues.

FF is obv loved and accepted and that's a good thing to have in your friends.

@GladSatsumaShark would it be ok if her husbands friend had cerebral palsy like my beautiful cousin and she referred to him as SP (spastic friend). No it absolutely would not so please don’t tell me I’m wrong for pointing out the disgusting “flaky” aka ADHD reference is ok. You clearly think like OP and I’m ashamed that there are still people like you both that think it’s acceptable.

@GladSatsumaShark no it really isn’t. The OP has discriminated people with ADHD FIFTEEN TIMES in ONE PARAGRAPH! It’s absolutely disgusting. Would it be ok if she done that about someone with a visual disability??? NO BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE BANNED!!!

The spirit of Barbara lives! The great doyenne of romance reclining on a pink perfumed cloud fluttering her lashes, none other than the grande dame herself, Barbara Cartland floats down from her pink palace in the sky to walk once more among us.

Your post is completely off the mark @Fuckitletshavevino

*Fuckitletshavevino *it would surely be very upsetting to have someone address you to your face as flaky. However, the OP hasn't said this or anything like it to her DP's friend.

People are going to perceive us how they perceive us. I'm autistic and know that many people have perceived me as a massively awkward weirdo. I try not to dwell on it, because they are ALLOWED to perceive me like that - we can't dictate how others think of us. All we can do is hope they don't say it to our faces, and thankfully mostly they don't, at least in my case. I'm sorry to hear your experience has been different.

By calling people who are ADHD “flaky” is mental and emotional abuse. Are you aware mental and emotional abuse is a criminal offence??

@Anthologist I agree it is a pain that you was put in that situation and had to cook some food.

However I must address your absolutely disgusting discrimination towards someone with ADHD by calling them “Flaky aka FF”. FIFTEEN TIMES in your post!

I have ADHD/Autism as does my son. I have put up with 40 years of bullying and abuse because I’m “FLAKY”. I attempted to end my life because of this 8 years ago. Because of people like you that thinks it’s ok to discriminate an invisible disability with care in the world. Would you do the same to a visible disability??

Maybe you should educate yourself before you think you are “qualified” to call ADHD as “FLAKY”.

My cousin has severe cerebral palsy….are you gonna refer to her as a spastic?? Because that’s basically what you have called ADHD