UK teens the most unhappy in Europe

None of your points apply OP IMO.

It is simply down to the over-emphasis on passing GCSEs and A-Levels.

UK schools are cramming institutions for the public examinations. Nothing more. If a child manages to pick up an education as well, it's a happy accident.

Our children and now our grandchildren had great childhoods, fairly rural Wales, beaches, woodland, Etc all free to explore. We're not al squashed in together as happens in cities and large conurbations.

However, teenagers unless they enjoy sports have little to do socially in the winter so it's Xbox. We have to do a lot of running around to and from their friends houses at weekends and in the holidays.

GCSE and A level study has increased enormously. I had two children in the early 80s revision was books and essays. I had a third child at 45. OMG the studying was so intense hours spent on the computer trying to get to grips with subjects he didn't enjoy at GCSE level. Similar with a level. He and his father arguing because he was messing around.

I was the laid back one worrying about his mental health, which meant his parents were arguing over the amount of study.

It's a bloody crazy system of education we've arrived at in this country. Raising little robots.

It starts with SATS which I refused to let my three sweat over, if they didn't know it, then so be it.

Michael goves narrow and boring school curriculum has not helped. Schools less able to deal with bullying. Families not having money for food due to 5 week wait for universal credit. Parents working several jobs or long hours makes them too tired to help dc. Grandma's retiring at 67 instead of 60 means less help from wider family.

Yes!

You can still be ambitious and aspire for more x while being grateful for what you have. The rise of 'influencers' does not help as now everyone thinks they can start a social media account and make a million pounds while selling, in many cases, a fake lifestyle.

Also, the insidious nature of social media and the need to show up in the algorithm will mean many accounts will also tell you how bad your life is. If you comment "happiness," they can send you to a blog page that will make life better, and be sure to follow it for content. It's rife on the parenting side of social media.

This is a huge contributory factor, I posted this some pages back that you can best teach a child 'you're not special, no one is interested in you, just live your life'

It reduces anxiety and the thought that everything is about them. Most people would see that as horrific and not validating the child. But its helping the child recognise they are one and same as everyone else and thats ok, no one is looking at you, thinking about you, so you dont have the pressure of feeling worried about that.

The other issue is that we have created a narrative in society that 'feelings' are priority, so if you feel something its real, valid, must be acted on and others must take account of it. One of the most useful things I learned in therapy was that feleings are unreliable, they might be 'right' but they might not be and to always act in accordance to them will lead to anxiety and problems. We now say that children's feelings must be validated. Well no they dont. Acknowledged perhaps but not necessarily validated. Its a big problem in creating anxiety

This is a huge cause of dissatisfaction and being unhappy.

'Im not content'

Well what does that mean, reframe life for yourself, you have more than you dont have, stop hankering after what you dont have

I agree. School seems to be all about ‘meeting needs’ these days, and removing every obstacle or discomfort, without considering that NOBODY will do this for you as an adult. As an adult (especially if you have small kids) no matter how ill/depressed/anxious you feel, you get up and go to work and the day continues. Virtually nobody are really interested in your feelings. It must come as a shock tbh

For my teens - while at school disruptive classmates, constant substitute teachers and pushing the trans agenda has impacted them and their learning. They feel its wasted time if the teachers don't teach a productive lesson.

My older teens and young 20s can't see much future with housing costs so high they can't move out and start their lives independently despite full time work. They should at least be able to afford a studio by this stage but even they are half their wage or more. They feel trapped. Sadly there is no inherited money and I've been a single parent through the last 12 years so I'm struggling too so no way to help them move on. I've no idea how any of us are going to manage really in the coming years.

I think the difference with social media is you can be bullied and judged by anonymous accounts at all times of the day. This means being at home isn't even a safe space from peer bullying.

Yes. Being told they are "so special" and everyone has to listen to their opinions.

Then when they realise they are actually pretty ordinary (nothing wrong with that, most are) and no-one is interested in their opinions it comes as a nasty shock.

Teenagers have always been judgemental. Even with no social media.

@LaCerbiatta I really worry about this. My dc are still in primary but there is so much focus in yr 6 on SATs and getting good results. My niece has just done her GSCEs, she didn’t do as well in her mocks and the amount of intervention was insane; before school, lunch, after school etc for months. The schools has great results and wants to maintain them. It’s so much pressure.

I was brought up in a country that did well in that survey and now have a 14 and an 18 year old brought up in the UK.

IMO the biggest difference having a huge impact is exam pressure. For the 2 years before doing their GCSEs, it's ALL school talks about! It stops being a place to learn, it's now a place to prepare you for the exams. The pressure is imense and it completely ruins the learning experience. Back home, we talked very very little about exams, maybe worried about it in the year before uni, but not before in this manner.

When my children were little I heard people talk about 'GCSE year', supporting your child, adjusting holidays, and honestly I couldn't believe it. It turned out to be so much worse. My daughter is very academic and I feel her life has been on hold for 4 years, it's insane, I feel an imense relief that exams are over and she's going to uni. It doesn't have to be like this. I was very academic as well (phd etc) and it wasn't like this, it doesnt have to be. Ds is less resilient, different personality, about to start year 10, and I'm so worried for him 😢

"On the continent, people seemed more content with who they are."

I think being content is so underrated these days. Everyone has an idealistic view of what happiness is and should look like, and if life doesn't match up, everything is terrible.

I think life expectancy can be down to what you sound your money on. Smoking is a good example. Healthy lifestyles - which can be free. I get relative poverty but it’s not new either! Years ago we did know who had more. However most didn’t care that much. I didn’t know my place and did care. However I still didn’t get depressed ones it. I just vowed to get a job that earned reasonably well. DH was way more driven!

Are you one of those people who blame the poor for their actions? There are socio economic factors with poverty so I don’t think it’s as simple are you say.

I never said relative poverty was new? I said it had increased for children and younger people, I’m unsure of your point?

“That means 4.2 million children (29% of all UK children) were in poverty - up from 3.6 million in 2010-11.”

I just thought an increase in dc in relative poverty may be meaningful in a debate about why UK dc are unhappy.

They’re definitely a lot of pressure on parents/families and only a finite amount of time. My dc do a lot of sport & play dates which I think is good for their well-being, it was for mine. It’s not cheap though & its one reason I work p/t to facilitate those things so I have enough time. I can’t wfh though, DH is hybrid so he can facilitate when I’m at work. I’m not sure how 2 f/t parents with commutes manage it particularly with more than 1 dc.

I can see the connection with the points OP raised. I also wonder if sky-rocketing house prices has also had a much more detrimental effect long term in the UK, as families are priced out of of their communities and forced to live further away from family? I can’t help but wonder if this erosion of traditional family structures has caused further isolation, which then leads to depression and other mental health issues.

Have a look at other European school systems - not exactly stress free!

@Nuggetnuggety I think life expectancy can be down to what you sound your money on. Smoking is a good example. Healthy lifestyles - which can be free. I get relative poverty but it’s not new either! Years ago we did know who had more. However most didn’t care that much. I didn’t know my place and did care. However I still didn’t get depressed ones it. I just vowed to get a job that earned reasonably well. DH was way more driven!

Kids are studying for the GCSEs at 15 - way too much pressure

Yes, in some cases. poor, ineffective parenting.

This always existed though & the bar is much lower now.

Mental health, drug addiction, homelessness and crime issues are fairly rife in the area of London we live in and this provokes anxiety in (sometimes) me and (often) my teen. I am resilient and streetwise but she is not really, so it is worse for her. I see the world through her eyes now and it is scary and unpredictable. Just going to the shops can be a minefield, avoiding people begging, shouting, fighting etc.
I also barely know a family without a teen with an SEN suspicion or diagnosis. I still don’t believe this was as prevalent when we were younger, nor do I believe it is just down to more recognition or knowledge about the conditions. Something is going on here that we are yet to unearth.
Lockdown played a part in this, am sure. My autistic DD struggled even more with the secondary transition than she would have done otherwise. And most secondary schools are shit in the U.K. in my experience and not fit for purpose. My DD has been traumatised by the first one we sent her to which was officially ‘outstanding’. One year in a different environment and I can see her mental health (slowly) healing but the original choice school genuinely made her physically and mentally ill. Agree with technology and diet and exercise. Need to do more about that, it’s easy not to.

Anymore…

Yes, in some cases. poor, ineffective parenting.
Lack of skills, knowledge, engagement, effort, responsibility and accountability. Blame others rather than yourself.

Caused through lack of services to support parents to know how to parent, to understand child development and how to best meet a child’s needs.
Caused by too many parents, too engaged with SM and not enough with their child.
Caused by drug and alcohol abuse, frequent change of partners, family breakdown.
Caused by lack of resilience, respect and ambition.

I think social media and feeling unsafe in loads of places/situations due to knife crime means a lot of teens are scared a lot of the time, which is an awful way to grow up.