Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

Do you have kids? I can't imagine someone with a son and a daughter treating them differently like this without it causing massive resentment. It's unfair.

In my culture @cosyleafcafe kids are actually expected to do everything for their parents because age is the ultimate trump card!

If you’d told me in advance that my kids would live at home forever then no I probably wouldn’t have had them

Not because I’d hate to live with them that long, but because it would presumably mean they weren’t capable of living independently for some reason. And whilst that is always a risk of having kids it isn’t something I would knowingly choose in advance.

NFW (mine have all moved out!)

My Granny refused to live with her MiL or mother, my other granny swapped her MiL with another relative and moved her mother in. Neither of them ever wanted to live with their adult kids. My mother is the same and I'd imagine Id struggle with my adult kids and their partners in my house long term.
Multi generation living maybe common, but it's not easy.

I would be more than happy with this set up. I know it’s not like everyone but I really love being around my kids and the idea they could live hours away from me makes me cry. I might change my mind once we have gone through the teenage years…ask me again in 10 years 🤣

Mine could stay forever tbh. My adult child moved back in a while ago. We all rub along well

Why would you treat a daughter differently to a son?

I'm not talking about specific situations which might prohibit it.

I mean that the sentiment should be there.

If you're going to bring someone into the world and they need somewhere to stay and you are able to provide that, why wouldn't you?

They only exist because of you.

Ah yes and I would love it. They are fantastic company. To pp who have small children it's nothing like!
We have plenty of space and could easily accommodate them. The only downside would be the fact that if they were here because they had no choice.
In fact both DC have bounced back a couple of times since leaving uni for a year or a few months and it worked well.

Also if the daughter is very shy, sensitive and a homebody and is not one of these sassy ladies who know how to get out and just do what everybody else, does. I would happily have her home and when her father dies, will just make her co-owner of the property and help her understand the outgoings ....etc....these are all potential replies and randomly taken but yes, for a son - no. For a girl - yes and with much additional support also

Only for a daughter. If it is a son, I will make him pay the whole household bills and organise his life to such organised way that there won't be issues if he brings a wife. But for a daughter I would be completely more lenient. I know how hard financially it was for me when was young and unmarried.

I honestly don't know. My eldest has additional needs including learning disability which means she's likely to either live at home long term or we might part fund her living elsewhere.

I'd hope we can afford a home where we all have our space, she has significant independence and she pulls her weight so I don't get resentful. If not...

Past the point where I'm 'responsible' for her (I will admit to being kind of done with having someone to look after) I genuinely don't mind whether she stays or moves out as long as she's happy. She's autistic but getting more independent all the time and I'm confident she will be able to move out one day but she's pretty easy to live with so I'm in no rush and don't think I'd mind if it never happened, again as long as she was happy.

Honestly, probably not. I don’t expect them to move out at 18 but I’d expect them to be living independently by 25 at the latest.

I love my children but I also love my husband and we cannot be the couple we want to be when they are around. It’ll only worsen when they are older and we have less 1:1 time as they’re up all hours!

you’d also end up with their partners being over and things like that which I don’t want.

my home is my sanctuary and I enjoy having it to myself.

How do or did you have sex @Lessstressedhemum if I may ask?😉30 years to have your own room!

I've never minded. It's just how it's always been. Although, now I've fewer folk here, I have my own room for the first time in about 30 years which I do enjoy. Anyone extra who needs to stay here, has the sofa bed in the dining room now.

See I don't believe a parent should have to use a dining room as a bedroom. I don't want their partners living with me either.

I have adult children living at home. I even have one child's partner living here. I have a fairly small 3 bed house. At one stage I had 4 adult kids living here. Two of them just had to share a room and I used the dining room as my bedroom. It's always been fine. Certainly less stressful than when I had 5 young children.

Yes I love mine being around but we have the finances and space to support them for as long as they need. If you didn’t then it would be difficult.

I think having kids is largely a heart over head decision and there's a strong biological drive. I had babies because I was desperate to have babies and that wouldn't change.

Any child can turn out to have additional needs. Whether they do or not, it's important to allow the relationship with your children to change into a more adult-adult one as they grow. I think sometimes families who are more used to intergenerational living are better at this than Western families who presume kids will move out by their early 20s.

This.

Mine are 21 and (almost) 18 and they're a joy to be around. They pick up after themselves, (mostly 😏) and pull their weight (when asked).

We've never had any trouble with them. I imagine dd1 will be living here for at least another 10 years, she's autistic so not like the average 21 year old. DD2 will possibly want to move out in her early 20s, whether she'll be able to is another matter.

We don't mind having them living at home. I moved out when I was 16 so never really experienced living with my parents as an adult.

And many people living in the average family home won't have the space.

I'd happily live with ds as long as he wants to be at home. What I couldn't manage would be him living at our home with a wife and child as well.