Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

Yes of course, we don’t just provide a home for childhood, we provide a home for life for our children.

I think yes - as our kids are aged 20 and 17 and either at uni or going off next year - but if they needed to come back we would be happy with that as we all get on - with one caveat - they would have to step up as adults in the home and not expect to have their mum doing everything for them! So housework and cooking and paying towards the running of the house - if all of that happened then totally happy - maybe more difficult when they have long term partners but we would see how it goes and be open to that also - but maybe not with children in the mix as that might get too hectic if we are still in the same sized house!

Both my twins are Autistic and have ADHD, so their adult independence may look different to what I had envisaged pre-children, but ultimately both have an home with me for as long as they need or want as adults.
I'd rather they buggered off/spread their wings, so I can have a nice, quiet retirement, but wherever I am, they always have a room!

well, it is all potential and I explained the whole thing behind this in the thread. It is in there. Sorry, I am not the main poster, so it is not clickable

In my mind I'm already assuming that the kids very likely won't leave home before about 25. My youngest sibling has only just left home at 25, and now my other sister's back home at 28 following a relationship breakdown.

If we're able to afford to stay in the family home, and we don't need to downsize, then I'd love to have my kids around as long as they need. My absolute ideal would be to extend and convert the garage into a granny annexe for myself, and maybe one of my kids could afford to take over the main house.

I know lots of families living multi-generationally, and it can work well, so long as no one's a dick about it!

Well this is the flip-side, isn't it?

There are threads on here all the time from women who have gone on dates only to find the man still lives at home at 35 and it's generally an immediate deal-breaker.

Disabilities etc. aside, I personally don't think it's healthy to have reached your thirties without ever having experienced truly independent living.

It ends when it is detrimental to the child.

Of course you encourage independence, having a job, etc, where it is in their best interests.

If it is in their best interests to stay at home and you have capacity for that, then you let them.

When anything becomes about the best interests of the parents, to the detriment of the child, then the expectations on the child should be zero.

In other cultures though, you stay living at home but are expected to cook/clean, marry and have children, and you all continue to live together and support each other.

Everyone I know from a Western background who has stayed at home continued to be treated as a child - mum cooking for them and washing their clothes, sitting in watching telly with the parents every night, no social/love life. Like they were still at school but instead of school they just went to work. Then the parents died and their lives were virtually over. One lady I work with was in this position, 15+ years after her parents died she talks about them every day, is still devastated over their passing, and lives quite a lonely life.

I don't, now, because I'm divorced. Previously, very quietly😁

Wouldn’t you all worry about them after you’re gone? Everyone who I know who lived at home (on a permanent basis) after 25 had hardly any friends and just socialised with the parents, they also didn’t/don’t have any love interests.

@cosyleafcafe

where does that end though?

can be arsed to get a job and wanna live off mam and dad cos i “didn’t ask to be brought into this world”?
can’t be arsed contributing to the household cos i “didnt ask to be brought into the world”?

so by this same token do you blame your parents for everything that you do or don’t do?

at one point do we have to take responsibility for ourselves as adults and stop trying to pin everything on our parents?

Yes. Happy for mine to stay as long as they want to be with us.

Assuming this is a wind up?

Yep, we're planning to let them live in the house in their 20s and rent out the other rooms to fund their lifestyles while we retire to our second home on the coast/travel around Europe in our motorhome.

II believe that intergenerational living will become more common as the economy continues to struggle. The UK may move backwards. Both DP and I acknowledge the potential challenges of helping our children achieve full independence in the future. I am open to the idea of pooling resources with our children later on.

Mine would be welcome for sure, as long as they were happy with that.

Yes I would. My kids are married with homes of their own, but if they'd never have moved out it wouldn't have bothered me at all.
My door will never be closed to my kids or grandkids.

I've assumed my children - one or some or all will be home longer than I was (I left home at 18) so at least mid twenties - would that have put me off having children....of course not. But I will be charging them rent if they are in full time paid employment

Yes - I’d actually love that! (I think).

I am also obsessed with this topic because honestly I couldnt wait to get away from home- even though my parents were decent- and it's very odd to me that intergenerational living is spreading from Asian cultures to other cultures.

I have to say I didn't imagine and plan adequately for my DC living with me in their early twenties. I am a bit torn between two cultures at the moment!

I absolutely love the topic. Sometimes you see kids and you try to imagine their future. But as I worked as aupair and now with kids with SEN , this country is pretty good with sorting things like that out, right? Yes, I would have kids and no matter what happens, would grow to educate myself what the situation needs and model my life to suit what needs to be suited. My final reply here. Thank you for the wonderful thread.

I don't think it's odd to want to do that at all - I know plenty of parents who downsized once their kids had left home!

These things are always discussed and decided somehow without people taking the piss. If someone does take the piss, there are ways this to be stopped.

yes of course i would.. it didnt even occur to me when i had children that they might never leave.. my home is their home, i tell my children that there will always be a place for them and if things ever got rough then they should simply 'come home'. they are my children!

but i also believe that children need to spread their wings, they need to be independant and they need to make their own decisions and mistakes.

i see over and over on MN where parents are still molly coddling their adult children, making decisions for them, paying for them and generally running their lives for them.

i lost my parents when i was very young, i never had anyone to run around after me, and i was determined that i would raise independant children also.

Yes @sunsetsandboardwalks fair enough. Mine aren't disabled or ND, so I am seriously thinking Dh and I may move out of London and find a tiny place elsewhere once we retire. I suppose that's a very odd solution, but I do want to live by myself alone/only with DH at some point in time.