Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

Yes I would. It's not unusual in my family for multiple generations to live together.

@cosyleafcafe

but…why?! Surely a healthy young adult can take responsibility for themselves rather than compromising elderly , frail, ill parents? Surely after a certain age, most people wouldn’t want their parents to be put out in any way on their account ?

but there is a big world out there for them to explore

People make this point a lot. I've known many people over the years who moved out at a "normal" age but have not seen even a fraction of the world! I'm old enough now to have seen how it's gone for many of my friends and relatives.

Yes they moved out in their early 20's but not to go off travelling or "building a career". They generally worked low paid jobs to pay rent and living costs. At some point met a partner. Had DC. Many then separated at some point. So the women were left struggling financially. No spare cash. Too busy trying to make ends meet to do any kind of further study to improve their situation. DC grow up, mum's still working in low paid jobs. Now they lack confidence to do anything else. My sister is in exactly that situation, so I see it first hand.

My DC have always had the option to live at home. Having that backup has enabled them to take risks and know that they had a home to go back to. I don't think anyone can argue that financially it's cheaper to live at home and money = freedom. Once you're responsible for putting the roof over your head and paying all the bills, then you have to be far more cautious. Some would argue that that's just life and you need to go through it. But do you really?

Your very much the kind that would sue over not consenting to be born aren't you.

@Lentilweaver OK.

I could not disagree more.

Parents should do what is in their children's best interests. Including once they are adults.

If you were in dire straits and needed help, and your elderly mother had the capacity to help you, then yes, of course she should help. You are her child.

Yes.

@cosyleafcafe

what if your parents are elderly and frail or ill? Should you a healthy young adult sill come first and expect to be prioritised above them still?

By that logic my 79 year old mum needs to open her house to me. Since she brought me into the world and all.

Yes. I would. And I would do that for my children.

If I make a decision to bring life into the world then that ensuring that person is OK is my responsibility. For life. Not just for 18 years.

Of course! I wanted my dc under any circumstances.

Depends which of my children we're talking about!

It wouldn’t have changed my decision I don’t think but I’m not sure that having kids living at home in their 20s or 30s is really ideal. And I love my kids, love spending time with them, but I feel they would be missing out on so much that life has to offer if they don’t move out (unless there’s a very specific reason). I would always welcome them back if they need to come home for a season and I would love to live close enough to see them regularly but there is a big world out there for them to explore and living with mum and dad beyond early 20s is very limiting, not very independent, and really not what I would want for them long term.

We’ve bought and rent out the house next door - can move them in there when they are older if needed 😂

I have an almost 18 year old and a 14 year old. I am happy for them to stay as long as they need/want to. My husband is older than me and I think he would ideally like them to move out as soon as they are able to do so.
In fact, all of the couples I know are the same, the mums are happy to have the 'kids' around indefinitely and the dads are getting antsy about when they will finally move out!

Yes, I probably would my girls are 9 and 13. While the teenager can be challenging - I'd be up for them being around well into adulthood. So long as everyone is contributing something that sounds fine - otherwise as a single parent I'll probably want to downsize as I don't want to keep a 4-bed house going for just me.

I think you have to put your children first while they are children - and probably for some years after that depending on their personalities and capabilities.
I don't agree that you have signed up to that for life.
Adults need to learn to take responsibility for their own decisions at some point, and while it's nice if a parent can help out, it does adult children no favours to assume that that backup is there whatever they choose to do.

Would you be expecting your own parents to put you above them forever?

I'm divorced and have my own home which I'll try to keep hold of, in case my children need a place to live. If I ever move in with my DP, it would mean that my children wouldn't have to live with me- but my DPs children might live with us!

DS lives at home and probably won't move out again now. He did go to Uni and worked abroad. But he is ND and he struggled with it in various ways. He pays rent, does his own cooking, washing etc and shares chores. He doesn't want a relationship so that won't be a reason for him to move out. I'm also single and while I might date again in future (although not sure I want to!), I won't ever move a man in again.

Financially we're both doing well. My house is rented (SH) and we agreed from the start that we'd both pay the necessary expenses (rent/CT/utilities) proportional to income. Currently that means he's paying less but that will change over the years. As much as many people disagree with this, he can inherit the tenancy when I die. He doesn't "need" to buy a house. So we both have a good amount of disposable income.

We get on well, the house is a decent size so we're not on top of each other. The worst that happens is we might have a minor bicker over something but it never lasts long. He works, goes out with friends, all the "normal" things. Just doesn't date. I definitely do not "mother" him! I'm also having some health issues at the moment where I stop breathing and pass out (GP is investigating) so I'm quite glad there's someone else here and will probably feel more so as I get older.

Had you asked me when he was born whether I'd want to live with him "forever", the idea of it would have probably freaked me out in all honesty. But our lives have panned out how they have and this works for us. He has some friends that come from cultures of multi generational living and we're in London so more of his friends live at home. Many of my friends still have adult DC at home. So it's not seen as "abnormal" in our circles.

Personally I think multigenerational living could be a great thing, but only if you lived in a huge house where everyone had their own space. Especially if you have grandkids with grandparents

I've got 22 yr old twins, one is desperate to move out after university but doesn't have any money the other is still studying. They're here on and off and I love having them here but it would seem a very different land if they were 30. Funny how those few years make all the difference...

I assumed they would live at home until around 30 (sadly) so they could save up and buy their own home (with our help). House prices make it impossible to move out unless you have parents rich enough to buy you a house outright

But financially living off mummy and daddy forever so you don't have to 'slum it' is INHERENTLY middle class.

Agree @FinallyYouSaid . I bought my first flat in London at 22 for £65k on an £18k salary in 1991.

Today’s kids couldn’t achieve that purchase price in a huge swathe of the country.

My grandfather’s brother in law, seperate (to that BIL) sister and her son moved in with my grandfather back in the day when my grandmother died, because he had a big house that he didn’t want to leave and other things cropped up for people along the way, it worked for everyone, economically and otherwise.