Not letting neighbourhood kids play inside

The tent and outdoor shed/den are great long term ideas for you to consider.

An only child needs consideration and he is asking to be accommodated.

I understand you not wanting it all in your house every day though.

Some parents are very very happy to allow one house to bear the load.

Explain to your son that every day will not be happening especially when school opens.

Being a clean freak is something to work on. That is not fair on your child.
I say this as someone with a super organised house etc. You all have to live too.
Can you designate one room in the house as a play room/den for him to have friends and make it clear there is no wandering about?

Do you want your son to say in future years that this is what he remembers of his childhood? You being unreasonable regarding friends coming to play as a clean house was all you cared about?
I doubt you do.

So start looking at reasonable compromises because this issue is not going away.
Log cabins as dens are really great. You can insulate them, make them very cosy.
If you run electricity and wifi out there, they are a great asset to a house if you were to sell, as they have potential to be an office.
Just give your many options some thought.

But if they can't play in others' gardens, why can't they play in others' houses?

Those mums have got it easy

Just a view from a parent of an older child (now 19). When they get to teenage years, do you want them to be out hanging around the streets or would you prefer them to be safe, where you know where they are in your home? If you have an open door policy now they are more likely to want to hand around when they’re older. My son and his friends were always hanging around at one house or another and even now will often head back to one house after the pub.
I know parents that weren’t keen to have friends round when they were younger often didn’t know where they were as they got older.
if he is 8 now, I’d say you’ve got 3 years max of mess and then it will calm down. It’s also the end of summer and getting colder and darker so they won’t want to be in the garden all the time.

Don’t feel bad about this. It sounds like you have a good kid friendly garden which you are happy for your son to share with his friends. Surely it’s better for them if weather is dry to play outside anyway. I would be telling them to nip home if they needed to use the loo also. It’s not like they are friends on a play date they are neighbours all playing together so should use own facilities and not yours. Any toys taken out I would be encouraging them to tidy up before they go home also.

I do find it odd that you don’t know the other parents though and especially that a 4 year old is around. Have you never chatted to them in the r street whilst the children play or if they cal one home etc etc? We have quite a kid friendly street with 5 houses of children who all play together either out front with always one of the parents watching or in gardens which we always encourage them to ask permission for first (both of the garden owner and their own parent so they know where they are). Toilet trips are back to own homes. Inside play happens occasionally (eg if all playing well and it starts to rain) but only with an invite from whoever the home owner is not just barging in.

It’s perfectly okay to put your own rules in place. Discuss them in appropriate way with your son and it should only take few weeks for kids to realise the change. Don’t be afraid to come to door when they appear to be coming inside and say “no we’re only playing outside today not inside please stay in garden”.

The tent or outdoor shed are great ideas.

Are you saying you have a 4 year old playing at your house and you do not know the parents? This would concern me more than the mess. I would not mind them coming in but would have boundaries. I think you definitely need contact numbers for the parents.

I have the same rule mainly because dh is working from home full time so they'd have to play in bedrooms and then I can't keep an eye on them.
Everyone plays outside, goes to their own homes for toilet trips. I provide a big bowl of popcorn and snacks and other mums do similar.
Our front yard has become the hub for all the kids from surrounding two street because ours is quiet and safe.
I'm sometimes surprised that no other parent ever comes to check on their kids throughout the day, I'm out every 20 minutes checking up on them.
I also have quite strict rules, no cycling on the road, no going round the block, no going into anyone else's home and definitely no picking flowers from anyone's garden.

Some outside the box ideas depending on budget / space:

Do you have room in the garden for a shed? And make DS den outside which if done well will last well into the teen years.

Alternatively you might be able to pick up a cheapish tent as it's the end of season sales soon and put that up so they have somewhere dry to play.

Rules when I was a kid was garden only. Nobody was allowed in the house unless invited for dinner/sleepover.

Friends mum was more relaxed but her garden was overgrown so had to play inside 🤣

We tend to do garden here as it’s just too many people unless it’s say one friend upto their room.

Oh give over, OP doesn't want kids tramping over her house constantly, neither would I

Just tell them to pop home if they need the loo

Your poor son. So basically your desire for a clean house is more important than his happiness. It's his home too.