Not letting neighbourhood kids play inside

Just firmly but friendly, say no. You don't need to give a reason, just gently direct them home for toilet or snacks. If you want to, just say you've just tidied up and don't have time to do it again.
Tell your son that if his friends are coming to play inside then we have to arrange a playdate, as we might be busy doing other things so it's not convenient.
You don't need to be unwelcoming, just set boundaries. When I was a kid we all played outside but wouldn't just bowl into the others houses. Unless invited in for tea or whatever by the parents.

I would see if they can alternate houses to reduce tidying up every day, but my view is it's a home, not a museum. My kids will be leaving for Uni soon, but hope they can look back and have found memories of home.

I’m one if the few parents in my estate who allow children in . Only if weather is bad and for a prolonged time. I’ve become stricter after finding an 11 year old on my bed whilst my 8 year old was playing in his own room. I felt so violated!

i don’t think you’re unreasonable at all

Absolutely. This is all very reasonable, balanced, empathic and rather heartening.

Are you sure you're on the right site?

I am this house on our street too!

But the kids don't come in to play. They come in the kitchen for an ice pop/to put rubbish in the bin/wash their hands/ask for water but that's it. They don't play in the house or use my loo. They go home and use their own facilities.

Mainly because I've an older child with sen who views home as his haven, but also because they're all rather forward, messy, cheeky, argue with each other etc and it's much more easy to manage all that in my garden.

There's lots of toys and they all enjoy it. I like being that house and it's lovely for my youngest as he doesn't have a sibling that's close in age to him. But I'm not a free childcare facility and don't need the extra housework. I'm not overly houseproud either, I'm just not a pushover. 🤷

I had a mom like this growing up. Always told to be outside, not allowed inside with friends, as she had just cleaned. I was in a constant state of anxiety when in the house, about making a mess. Or on the odd occasion a friend was allowed in and made a mess, cleaning it before she saw.
The whole relationship was about what she wanted and I felt she never put my wants/needs first.
Safe to safe we have a cordial relationship now as an adult. I tolerate her like she tolerated me as a child.
Just thought you might appreciate this perspective from someone who, as a child, lived like this.

It would be nice of you to do that little bit of extra tidying so that your son has people to play with during the holidays. They’ll all be back at school this week so you can have your tidy house back.

We to are the go to house in fact it was the meeting point for the last five years before school for the eldest and his mates - generally cost me a loaf of bread a day due to toast consumption ! As well as the meeting point after school - again multi pack of cans of pop and snack cupboard which was pointed out to the kids as a cupboard they could help themselves from ! They were always respectful never broke anything but liked a space to hang out and just be left alone - Now they all older teens I miss them being here everyday and the gruff grumble of teenage males emanating from the kitchen / garden / front room - as all off to college etc but i know them all I know about their lives and as a result think stayed really close to my eldest through some tricky times and generally used to end up being sounded out by a lot of his mates about various things at random times . I understand it’s frustrating at times and there where times when I used to think fgs maybe you could go somewhere else but actually I am glad we were the go to house and youngest starting to follow suit and I am glad! - it’s not forever and it can be annoying at times but also rewarding and especially when they older important to help maintain that open dialogue that disappears so fast as they grow !

We're the house the kids mates come to and I don't mind, it's not all the time and I get them to tidy up afterwards. They all know where the dishwasher is if they are putting a used glass away, the bin etc! Set your expectations around cleanliness. If it bothers you, ask them to go home to use the loo. I can assure you that kids are not running riot in my house or leaving a mess.

It is better, in a lot of ways, when they play at your house because you know where your dc is and who with. It's good to share the load with the friends' parents because otherwise they'll be taking your kid, and all the mess and noise and giddiness that they bring, without you reciprocating and it won't feel fair.

Yes, it's annoying, having other people's kids in your house but that's part of being a parent. Your dc will remember how it felt to be/not be allowed friends over.

I really think you need to chill out, there are more important things in life than a clean/tidy home. It will pay dividends for you when your child is a teenager and his friends feel welcome in your house, as then they would rather be at your house where you will know where your son is, what he is doing and who he is associating with.

Not at all unreasonable. We're the host house. I can count on one hand the number of times we go to others but we host at least twice a month. I enjoy it (otherwise wouldn't keen doing it! But sometimes I just don't have enough biscuits in the tin to be dealing with the absolute mayhem of having a multitude of kids emptying the dressing up box, getting all the art supplies out, moving everything from the play kitchen into a totally different room etc...so we have people over and say it's a garden only day. So much less tidy up and the kids have a full afternoon/evening of fresh air. Everyone's been understanding. Win all round.

They do come in to use the loo obvs, but everything else is off limits.

I can't believe people would send kids home to use the toilet? Just tell them to take their shoes off if they need a pee and have dirty shoes!

I'd let them in OP. As a previous poster has said, it will be good in the future if you don't want them hanging about the streets.

All the kids round our way are in and out of each others houses all the time.

Do the parents of the 4 yr old know they're going in other people's houses??

I would def have a garden-only rule, go home for the toilet. What if one complains to the parents and they accuse you of being a paedo?

I don't think it's mean at all, it's called having boundaries. You have a right to not have your house messed up. I send DC outside when I've just cleaned up at the end of the day and know mess is about to be made.

Do you think it would be better to get to know the kids' parents? wherever they are on your property, if something goes wrong, you will need to be able to get in touch with the parents quickly so it seems to me a bit dodgy to not even know them.

I think it’s a bit mean to be honest. I would work on lowering your anxiety around being tidy rather than stop your kids mates from coming in the house. Could you also try and encourage them to play at someone else’s house sometimes? Feels unfair you should have them all the time but I’d tolerate if I needed to.

Absolutely no way would I have these kids playing indoors at mine randomly…..I have a downstairs toilet at the back door so would be ok with that…..otherwise they would all be sent home to the use their own toilets

It’s perfectly fine to ask DS and his friends to tidy up before they leave, you know. If you feel uncomfortable, say that if they tidy away, you’ll give them a kitkat or something. I used to childmind and whether I had 3 or 8 kids, they understood they tidied up at hometime.

I also love a clean house and understand hating the inevitable mess, but also feel I want my kids to be able to invite who they want around - especially now they are teenagers. It’s a hard balance.

Not unreasonable.

We don't have anyone in our house outside of necessities. Either you live here or you are working providing a service (builders, electricians, gas man etc...).

I cannot stand people in my space and have had very bad experiences before with thefts, things getting broken/ruined and family members who can't respect even basic boundaries.

We will be wonderfully social but it will happen anywhere but our sanctuary, the garden is fine though. No one is going to nick a tree, theres nothing personal in the garden and its pretty hard to break anything out there etc...

My only child has grown up now, but when young we had an open door policy, with many kids in the garden and house and sleepovers most weekends. In the teen years friends were staying over all the time and I was thankful that my child was mostly in their bedroom chatting to their mates and not out drinking in the park.

No way. We played in friends gardens like this and never ever went into their houses. Send them home if they need the toilet.

My 8 year old plays with friends in our street. They are allowed in my house if it is raining and i feel like it is my turn as been in the other houses more recently than mine.

It isn't mess that bothers me but my dh, older child and me do like to relax which is not possible with 8 year olds playing even though all lovely children.

If in garden i would let them in for toilet or a drink rather than go home but that's it.

I think kids always congregate in one specific house.

I quite liked it. It wouldn’t bother me at all.