Dinner times at grandparents'

If they were insistent on keeping the late dinner, I would ask if they mind if I whip up something for the kids at their usual time and I’d eat with them later when the kids are asleep at that time. They would want to be fairly unreasonable to object.

This is what we did. Early dinner at PILs as they eat early in any case. Fed DC early and had adults meal after 8 at DF and DSM’s C house.

@KreedKafer - at preschool you stayed up? Did your mum/childcare keep you asleep for most the afternoon to cope with dinner that late?

most people who don’t get in from work until that time will have missed dinner with their kids. They’ll have been fed by whoever is doing childcare /the other parent and then getting ready for bed at that time.

Toddler tea at 5 and everyone else eats when said toddlers are in bed.

Great. But loads of people aren’t even home from work by 5.30pm, let alone having had time to prepare a family meal, so they ‘model family meals to children’ by getting their children used to eating dinner at a later time. We always ate as a family when I was a kid (in the 1980s/90s) but my dad wasn’t home from work until 7-7.30pm so that’s when we had dinner. And that was absolutely fine.

Gosh 8 to 9 would be far too late for me! Generally eat 5.30 to 6 though 6 is lateish. Same with DS and DB and our parents. If we have anyone coming for dinner eg friends we aim for 7pm. DC eat with us every night since they came out highchairs.

I'd serve the adult meal at normal times, and expect the parents of the children to sort out some food for them if the children needed to eat at a different time. But, I'd have had a conversation about it, and got basics in so that the parents could knock something up fairly easily if needed. But I'd neither be serving dinner at 5, nor cooking two meals every night, and I'd think very poorly of anyone who expected that of me.

My parents used to do this and it would be so stressful. Children would be asking for food and then too overtired to eat at 7pm.
They wouldn't let us cook for them or give them food at a time not convenient to them.
Would never do that to my children of grandchildren.

I’d compromise and we’d eat at about 7.

If that wasn’t acceptable to the kids’ parents, I’d expect the kids’ parents to sort something for them at 5pm, and then I’d do a proper dinner for the adults after the kids had been put to bed.

I wouldn’t serve dinner for everyone at 5pm and I wouldn’t cook two separate meals.

We either feed the kids earlier or all eat together at like 5.30pm. The majority of the adults don't hate eating that early. Depends what the adults are having for dinner really. My kids can not being eating later than 6pm - they're just too tired and hungry to behave by then. It always goes wrong.

I would speak to the parents, but I'd prob feed the children at their normal time (or their parents would cook for them) and then the adults would eat later when kids were in bed.

My parents eat late. When the kids were little I made their food earlier and we ate later. Now they are older we compromise and all eat together around 7/7.30.

Both sets of my DDs grandparents feed her when she's hungry, whether that's before they want to eat or not.

We eat with her, which means we usually eat early but that's because we want the family meal thing. Elsewhere we eat at the time of those adults.

I'd meet in the middle.

5.30 is very early for most adults so I'd say 7pm sounds like a good compromise? If the children really can't wait, then parents should provide food for them.

My mum will have a child friendly dinner ready for whatever time the youngest grandchild needs to eat or one of us siblings will decide what to make and prepare it for the kids.
Youngest grandchild at my mum's is 2, sometimes my sister will just make or bring something for her youngest and the older kids will wait to eat with the rest of the family.

Tea at 5pm feels very early. Mine eat around 6.30/7 as sometimes we are not home until 6pm. However they go to school with large packed lunches to see then through after school care to a later dinner and if they had to wait to 8pm they would be eating their arms off.

@Putting
Yes I was thinking that. I used to have an early tea at the table with DS when he was small but DH worked shifts so was not around at this time.

I would compromise as to what suits everyone . But I'm very relaxed around mealtimes anyway and have no real pattern. I just eat a snack if I'm hungry in between times . But in terms of the times you've given, I think in general 8/9 is very late for a main meal and 5 pm a bit early - although this tends to follow an early lunch for people who get up early . If you have 12 noon lunch I suppose 5 pm tea and some supper for the adults around 9 pm would work.

(Ps I'm midlands so for me 'tea' means my main meal and 'supper' would be something like toast!)

My parents are always happy to adapt to anything when DD stays. When staying there we usually switch to have main meal at lunchtime and then DD has a tea at 5ish and they eat a bit later.

But as good hosts they are completely flexible. I wouldn’t visit anyone that wasn’t.

@Catterpillarsflipflops but surely you can model that behaviour later?

I would make dinner earlier, either for everyone or just for the grandchildren then an adult meal later when the kids have gone to bed.
Even delaying an hour isn't ideal for under 5s because they will get too hungry and over tired and not eat properly or sleep as well, and may need to be given a snack so be less hungry for real food.

Probably a 6-6.30pm compromise or feed the kids early. I have three small children and I'm pleased to say I've trained them well to cope with eating at anytime between 5 and half 7. I do find it quite frustrating when people are insistent their children must be fed at half 4 or 5. I think some have never been expected to feel hungry before. Although I'd rather feed children early than deal with hangry tantrums. By 8pm the majority of toddlers would be too tired as well as too hungry and realising that is surely common sense.

They are under 5 , how much can they possibly eat ? Give them a sandwich / toastie/ soup / something reheated from last nights dinner at 5pm.

Adults eat at your usual time.

You are making a big deal of this when it’s not needed.

My ILs are French so maybe it’s cultural? But they still wouldn’t expect it of a toddler, it’s pasta with butter then off to bed, and we’d only be having dinner with them weekends or school holidays so no issue for the slightly older ones to stay up. At home it’s a nice British 6pm family dinner for us!

My grand-daughter eats around 5pm. We make something for her at 5pm and then she can eat with us at 730pm if she wants to, or she can be put to bed in time for the adults to eat together. It's no big deal and saves one person frantically trying to get bedtime "done" in time to sit down with the rest of us.