To call out friend on 'body positivity' delusion?

If the sister’s knees need replacing, that would severely restrict her mobility. My elderly Dad should’ve had his knees replaced years ago but refused so now he needs a walker and someone around when he showers as his balance can go anytime.

You're still not understanding me. I am not talking about thin people at all. Thin people and their muscles are completely irrelevant to my post.

@Sugarcoldturkey Possibly a little bit more utilised, but more likely they have just built up more stamina ? People have the same amount of muscles in their bodies if they are fat or slim, very fat people tend to have larger big leg and buttock muscles than their sedentary slim counter parts simply because they are weightlifting more often if that makes sense ?

I agree that the pp's friends must be unusually affected by her weight. Maybe she's v short, maybe she has some form of lipedema and it's all settled in her legs, who knows. I admit I'm just speculating with little evidence :)

I'm very glad you're able to take long walks, I should follow your good example, I haven't been as active as I'd like recently! I'm sorry you got bad news from your doctor. If you'd ever like me to share what helped me when I decided to lose weight, please don't hesitate to pm me.

Yes, my lifestyle is very sedentary apart from 2 days a week. I am a bit shocked about the unable to shower thing.

I guess so. I see myself as incredibly obese though, the doctor told me I would die very young if I stayed my weight. I do have to take breaks on my long walks. But I like to get them done and my bf is very supportive of them. But fair enough I suppose we are all different. I would hate struggling to shower 😢

@Dymaxion I feel we're arguing at cross-purposes. Either you're not understanding my posts or I'm not understanding yours.

To be clear, I am not comparing a thin person and an obese person. I am comparing 2 obese women, one who does lots of exercise and one who does not. It is surely not controversial to say that the woman doing lots of exercise will have more muscle.

@Sugarcoldturkey I am shorter than her and weigh just over 130kg but used to weigh much more and I could still climb into the bath for a shower and my lifestyle is sedentary. Obese people have muscle where they need it, for moving around, because as I have pointed out before, we constantly carry around the sort of weight people struggle to lift at the gym. Try rucking with 70kg 24 hrs a day and get back to me

Read the full exchange of messages between myself and @Lovefromjuliaxo. She says she is heavier than 130kg and is perfectly capable of showering etc. She expressed surprise that someone 130 kg might need help with such activities.

I said she might be taller and, since she goes on long walks etc, she must have quite a lot of muscle (especially since, as you put it, she carries "around the equivalent of another person in weight"). Therefore she can be over 130kg but more mobile and visually thinner than someone who is short, weighs 130kg, and never gets off the sofa.

Keep in mind that muscle weighs more than fat. You clearly have enough muscle to comfortably walk miles every weekend, accounting for a portion of your weight, while someone completely sedentary will be all fat and no muscle.

That is bollocks, people who carry around the equivalent of another person in weight, actually tend to have more muscle, especially the big leg/buttock muscles than their much slimmer sedentary counterparts, because they need to carry around a lot heavier load all the time, not just at the gym.

It must be really difficult seeing your friend struggle and also be in denial about the reality of her situation healthwise, but it looks like all you can do is be her friend and support her if something happens to change her mind. Sometimes there's a wake-up call about health that really brings it home to people. You are a good friend to worry about her.

Good on you for speaking to her and updating on here. I’d take heart in that she knows how you feel and hopefully won’t keep repeatedly talking about body positivity.
I’d keep inviting her out with you, just avoid weight talk. Maybe meet at places to avoid the stopping and waiting scenario.

Keep in mind that muscle weighs more than fat. You clearly have enough muscle to comfortably walk miles every weekend, accounting for a portion of your weight, while someone completely sedentary will be all fat and no muscle.

I suppose so, I am 5”7 but tall for a woman I guess. I’ve known people 30 stone plus who don’t struggle to shower, just seems insane. Only people I’ve seen with help in the shower are the poor people who do those documentaries about their size. Half ton mum etc. I can definitely struggle with inclines and stairs, I tend to be walk around 6-8 miles on weekends. The shower thing just baffles me.

Maybe she’s a lot shorter than you so the weight is distributed on a shorter frame thus making it more of an issue on her joints and mobility?

I was 13 stone at 5ft 2 and while obviously I could shower ok, I did start to struggle with things like stairs and walking for longer than 10 minutes and doing up the buckles of my sandals and severe back pain etc which surprised me as I was “only” 3-4 stone overweight. I was very sedentary though. I guess if someone is more active at that weight they may not have as many issues. Everyone’s body is so different really.

The pp's sister might be shorter than you and so is more affected. Sorry to be blunt, but 130 kg is a lot of weight - more than two 'normal-sized' women combined. I say this as someone who used to be obese so completely understand how you can get there, but also how you can get back to a healthier size.

That’s crazy. I am heavier than your friend and haven’t once needed shower help. Is she otherwise disabled? Why does she need help washing?

I would just change the subject if she brings it up again, it’s like someone saying they’re a Tory.

You can register with the NYT and get a certain number of articles for free.

There are lots of things on the differernt body positivity influencers from other free sources, but not necessarily ones that MN users like.

Pity it's behind a paywall.

You should try watching some of the popular body positivity people before you say they must be aware. You might get quite a shock.

These influencers are dying young, in their 40s, 30s, and even 20s, all while claiming there is no link between fitness and health. They have huge followings.

People who start to lose weight are vilified in this group.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/26/style/body-positive-influencers-weight-loss.html

Agree

Send her a text apologising if you've upset her & explain you felt she was in denial about her health & that worries you & as her friend you'd feel bad not mentioning it to her as it's been on your mind since the hen weekend. Say the last thing you want to do is upset her & you'll support her anyway you can but sometimes a frank discussion from someone who cares is needed. Let her know her being on the larger side isn't an issue for you it's her overall health that concerns you. Let her know you love her how she is but want her to be aware, if she isn't already, that carrying the extra weight isn't good for her. You can be body positive being big but that positivity doesn't cover your health & the issues being over weight causes.

No, supporting delusions which actively harms people is NEVER the kindest thing.

And we in fact do owe people yo keep I as good health as possible.

Our children, our loved ones - hell, taxpayers etc.