To call out friend on 'body positivity' delusion?

Maybe in midlife but the great majority of people with dementia are eldery. Age is by far the biggest risk factor.

With your update, I think you have done enough.

Years ago, when the whole body positivity thing started it seemed to be more about women who were maybe sizes 12/14/16/18 at a push (ie normal but overweight sizes, not size 0 models!) feeling comfortable in their own skin and realising we can be attractive with a bit of weight on even if we are not at peak fitness or optimal health.
It somehow got hijacked over the years by the likes of morbidly obese 'models' like Tess Holiday promoting 300lb + bodies as a beauty standard and the whole message lost its meaning.
Yes your friend will be aware that at a size 30 she will be at greater risk of health complications and she is using the body positivity message to delude herself that she is fine, I don't think you did anything wrong pointing out that the hill was not steep but I wouldn't expect her to take the message on board.

The body positivity movement is a bit of a cult. I think some people on this thread think it’s just about loving yourself etc, but it’s more like “if you lose weight you are bringing shame to the community! And you must hate yourself!”. They really encourage you to buy into the delusion and they’re full of alternative facts (about ‘health at every size’ and so forth) so OPs friend may well just not think she’s putting her health at as much risk as ‘the media’ are making out.

So I think in this particular case she does need a dose of reality. I probably wouldn’t have made it personal but then I’m a coward.

If someone was spouting delusional bollocks about the world in my presence then I'd contradict them! It's about accuracy of information, and about not colluding in creating a false reality. On any subject.

I'm not going to agree that a staggeringly unfit person is actually healthy or that a gentle slope is actually a steep hill. That's dangerous, both psychologically and physically.

I'd not make it personal though. Keep it factual; challenge the accuracy of what was said. It might still feel personal to someone whose worldview is being challenged. That's their problem.

If it kept happening, then the friendship would dwindle. They're no longer really present with you anyway; they're in a parallel universe outwith factual reality.

it really is - it’s my scientific field. Whether ‘healthy obesity’ exists, is an interstitial period, or is a load of shit, is really up for debate.

@wombat15 obesity is a significant risk factor for dementia as it is for cancer and heart disease.

As somebody who's clearly overweight given my username, I don't think you did anything wrong. You discussed it as part of a wider conversation with your immediate friends. Your friends overreaction was likely due to embarrassment. Hopefully when she's calmed down she will realise you meant it from a good place.

'No. Publicly shaming her probably added 6 months plus to her timeline of feeling sufficiently ok to attempt weight loss'
@JaneFallow

How do you back that one up?

Honestly, you can't say anything these days without it offended anyone let along halting their life choices to save a life.

'Oh shit, I was just about to attempt to start to lose weight. I'll think I'll give it a miss for another six months because my friend told me that the hills were actually steep I was walking up, and that they're worried about my health, never mind ay.. anyway where's the biscuits..' obesity doesn't work like that. If someone is going to break and give up over that, they were a non start in the first place.

What bollocks.

Maybe she won't involve the NHS. Anyway, a thin person might cost more by living longer and getting dementia.

On these threads often the only choices appear to be
Obesity
Anorexia
Smoking 60 a day
Drinking like a fish.

I think most people would agree that none of these things are good. That said, I have quite enough to do keeping myself and my family healthy, so I am not very interested in calling out my unhealthy friends tbh, unless they ask for my support.

Thinking something does not make it untrue either. While being obese in your 20s is certainly not healthy, people are not usually in imminent danger of death as very underweight people with anorexia can be.

If she's obese and running then she's probably heading for a knee replacement in the next 10-20 years! I'm sorry but as an obese person (almost 'only' overweight, thanks to mounjaro) I'm quite happy to say this. Being obese is a high risk to health for many reasons. So what if some people smoke or drink heavily, those are also risks to health. There is no such thing as a healthy obese person. We are storing up health problems for the future even if not overtly affected by our weight now.

Healthier for now perhaps...
And what about the obese people who drink, smoke and tan?

But no one is in 100% perfect health, especially past the age of 40.

Im sure most people who are obese would be healthier if they were carrying less weight. But they're probably still healthier than someone who smokes 60 a day, or someone who drinks heavily, or possibly even someone who's used sunbeds for many years etc etc.

I have one obese friend who runs half marathons. She's definitely healthier than I am. A lot of thin people aren't in great health - it's not helpful to overly fixate on one aspect of health just because it's visible.

Whatever possessed you to makes uch a bitchy comment?

Except the NHS is costing all of us an absolute fortune as a result of obesity so yes. it is everybody's problem.

If the NHS didn't exist, she can call it whatever she wants and it's just between her, her insurance company and the coroner and involves no one else in any way whatsoever.

People I know who have become very active in online 'body positivity' discourse after having years of trying and failing to lose weight have all to a one given up on trying to control their weight and put on significant Amounts more, because they have given themselves permission to stop trying, because it's hard.
I've been overweight since teenage years and obese since pregnancy 16 years ago. I've struggled to lose weight, it's so hard. But I never gave up and decided to throw in the towel and keep gaining, and as a result I maintained my weight with a one stone fluctuation instead of getting morbidly obese like these women have. It's a cope, it's denial and it's validation for stopping trying. It's a terrible movement.

No it doesn't exist. It's not up for discussion really, apart from by people who are in denial.

But you wouldn't argue that being anorexic is a healthy state of mind and something to aspire to would you?

It goes without saying that being morbidly thin is unhealthy. You wouldn't want your daughter or sister to develop anorexia presumably? And even if they knew how thin/ill they were (and they may be in extreme denial), wouldn't you want to help them be healthy? Wouldn't you try to talk to them before you lost them?

The OP is obviously concerned for her friend and it's worrying if she does actually believe she's healthy, because she isn't.

If, as you say, she's fully aware of it and doesn't want to talk about it, why is she bringing it up all the time and espousing body positivity?

It can't be both things at once.

BruFord well that was the mistake then - "I didn't find it steep" and then move on and not be drawn back to it. OP's presumably not stupid, can think of how her words will be taken?

From OP's posts I can see a lot of judgement, jollied along by a group of friends who were also astonished and keen to talk about their 'friend' in hushed and awed tones... Ugh.

Body Positivity really is one of the biggest modern cons. Basically, it says that you can be as big (or as thin) as you like but as long as you love yourself, that's OK. Well, it's not - and I can say that having been both overweight and underweight. Eating healthily with a sensible amount of exercise is the way to go. Of course, you may have a medical condition and that's something else entirely.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe That’s what the OP did! Then J started talking about body positivity yet again-that’s when it got awkward.

J is the person who keeps talking about body positivity and trying to get her friends to agree that as long as you look after your hair and nails, etc, your weight doesn’t matter. But you can’t force ppl to agree with you if they fundamentally don’t.

I suspect that one of my relatives has an undiagnosed eating disorder. If he kept going on about body positivity when he’s restricting his food intake, obsessively exercising and monitoring his weight by the ounce, I’d have trouble agreeing that this was positive.

'Have you ever known an alcoholic? Do you think mentioning their drinking would stop them?'

@cupcaske123

Don't be ridiculous. An addiction to food is very different to an addiction to drugs and alcohol. The withdrawal process for a start not to mention the dangers.

You don't get anywhere near the withdrawals to drugs and alcohol compared to eating too much food.