How would you feel, if your DH bought you a bib?

I guess only you know him well enough to know if he was joking or being cruel, OP.

It does sound like a joke and it's one my Nan pulled on my Mum this Xmas. We did all laugh, including Mum, but then she is infamous for the her first mouthful going down her or leaning over the table and getting a tit or her sleeve in her gravy!

Sometimes in life it's our turn to take a bit of banter. My Mum can give it out, so she can take it, too.

If the spirit of the joke wasn't mean, I think you need to laugh this off. If it wasn't done with good intention then have your say.

I helped nurse my gran through dementia, the whole family did as we didn’t want her in a home for as long as possible so we had a rota. We found stuff like this funny. You can either laugh at things and take what comes in life with some humour, even when it’s awful, or you can be stupid about it and find offende in a joke which doesn’t involve anyone with dementia.

You’re looking for something to be offended by. This is a perfectly capable adult woman who drops food on herself so often that it’s become an in-joke between her and her husband. He bought a bib as a joke… and you want to be offended because of people with dementia? It’s nothing to do with it. Must be miserable to always try and find the bad side of things.

What matters here is the OP and her husband. This is an observation he has made and a bit of a joke they have, he has thought this bib would work as a joke and the OP doesn’t. Maybe she should stop dropping food on herself if she doesn’t want him to joke about it.

I think it would make me feel sad, as the demographic for these bibs is people who are unable to feed themselves easily (dementia, brain injury).
Someone visiting and seeing the bib who cares for someone who needs such a bib might not think it's funny at all.

nb I have close family who we're losing to dementia so I feel quite sensitive to these things. It's heartbreaking to see a once capable, full of life person reduced to being child like and needing a great deal of assistance.

Exactly!

"Eww, that would give me the ick."

A few would advise withholding sex, thinking that would be entirely reasonable.

A joke. But also a point maker. Why do you drop food on yourself? Possibly use a napkin/serviette (can't remember which is the m/c word!). Get it framed.

Why on earth are you worrying about returning it? Just bin it or charity shop it.

I'd probably use it, I'm always spilling food down my front.

I presume that's aimed at me. I've gone back to my post and I definitely didn't say everyone should eat at a table. I said that I eat at a table and that helps me not to drop food. I certainly didn't suggest everyone should do so. Each to their own. But if someone is dropping food regularly, why wouldn't you look at alternative options that would prevent your clothes getting stained?

I’m sure that’s right, and I’m sure he maybe feels repulsed watching her eat or finds her difficult to talk to, who knows. But in my experience seldom is a relationship one persons job to make the other feel loved and that persons supposed to just crack on and have no feelings of their own. In my expejfnce it’s a two way street.

yes it wasn’t funny, as it is clearly true. So she eithers accepts he doesn’t like it, as most wouldn’t, or eats more carefully.

i hasten to add, I abhor poor table manners, I couldn’t sit and watch my us and do this, so I am biased.

I’d find it hilarious.

And I think it’s a great flag that instead of getting irritated by your messiness (which many people would), he makes light of it and goes out of his way to order something that he thinks would make you laugh and feel less embarrassed.

I wouldn’t have returned it, I would have worn it for fun and laughed about it.

It was clearly a joke, but one that has gone far enough now. I wouldn’t be amused if he kept bringing it up.

Just a joke in my opinion. I'd have a wee giggle or sarcastically go "har de har har!" to him...then use it if I've got a particularly messy meal coming up.

Someone do a name change and start a thread about their Husband dropping shit down themselves whilst they eat.

I wonder if they'd get replies like,
"I couldn't find a man spilling food on himself sexy"

"My vagina would clamp shut"

"Buy him a bib, he'll get the message"

Maybe.

Might even get a few LTBs.

Who knows.

I'll be getting my mam one, running joke in our family that she can't eat anything without dropping it on herself, and always manages to wear white for a curry and black for a carbonara. She insists it's her boobs to blame.

The difference here is my mam will laugh too. A joke's not a joke if only the jokester is laughing. This fell flat because it hit a nerve for you, that's ok, you don't have to just "lighten up" or whatever. One woman's "har har very funny Nigel" is another woman's sore spot. Given the circumstances it's understandable you'd feel hurt. Talk to him about why.

He's bought it in the guise of a joke to try to get across to you, that you dropping food onto your chest is unpleasant to watch

It's a shame he couldn't talk to you about it, but bearing in mind your reaction to the 'joke' , it's probably not surprising

Stop dropping food and / or sit at the table to eat

Yes, exactly - it's unkind.

It's also really easy to laugh it off and tell OP to lighten up when you're not the one in her situation.

Crikey. She’s saying that the relationship isn’t tip top at the moment, perhaps she feels unloved and this is reinforcing that. I don’t like being made fun of op, it triggers real feelings of shame in me so i sympathise.

Tbh I’d probs get the ick if my partner was always dropping food down himself.

I reckon with a few adjustments you could probs stop doing it.

No more food down your front, no more bib jokes, it’s a win-win!

I don't understand why he couldn't have bought you something like this instead- which I think is pretty useful. But it's clearly a joke that he thinks is amusing!!
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1413829505/napkin-clip-chain-leaf-and-branch-silver

We bought one for my dad a few years ago- it lives in his suit pocket and it's always out for weddings etc

It's clearly a joke - but it's not a funny one. Your partner is supposed to be the one who loves you and tries to make you happy, not someone who runs you down and makes jokes at your expense. Insulting someone and then trying to get a pass because "it's a joke" is shit behaviour.

Sometimes we all make jokes that backfire. The thing to do then is to apologise and say that you misjudged the situation. He should be mortified that he's upset you

I think buying someone a 'joke' item for the purpose of pointing out one of their flaws is a really shitty joke.

I spill food . I eat carefully. I keep my mouth shut when eating

i do have , especially when I get hungry, an unsteady hand. I also have large boobs which means a napkin on my lap is useless, it just drops onto my chest. At home I tend to tuck a napkin into neckline of top. Like Italians do when tackling spaghetti. But if I’m eating out I have to be particularly careful and avoid sloppy food, as in this country it isn’t polite to tuck napkin into your neckline- unlike in Italy. In china, and some Asian countries, by the way, they hold their bowls and chopsticks right up under their chins. Odd, as Japanese don’t, and was odd to see 2 styles side by side in airport lounges! It is cultural whether it is acceptable to accept that eating can be messy,

its not something she needs to look into. That is what napkins were invented for. If her dh has an issue that he is embarrassed by her messiness then that’s a polite delicate conversation.

Likely he was making a passive aggressive point. As a pp said most people find bad table /eating manners repulsive. To watch someone with food all down them. And if a woman posted and said her husband did this the responses would be that’s grim, and likely buy him a bib.

i don’t know why the op drops food on herself so much, the excuse of lots of sauce doesn’t cut it. Is she eating too fast,shovelling it in, as that can cause it.

for me, I think she needs to listen to the point being made and make an effort to eat properly. Or eat alone. In old clothing. Where she can get as much on her as she wishes.

That’s totally fair actually, I was rather assuming that OP’s husband didn’t mean to be cruel to her and that there was a reasonable expectation of her being ‘in on the joke’ (as a pp puts it). Bit of a leap on my part.

On the face of it, it's him attempting a joke. I know people say it's only a joke when two people laugh, however you won't know if someone else finds it funny till you try it.

That aside, it's a pretty strong reaction from you from what appears to be a joke, what else is happening? It's sounds like a final straw type situation.