To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

I understand you completely. The issue isn’t about the 18 yr old sleeping in a car etc this is an example of situations that the op has dealt with.

My husband used to do/say things like this to me in front of his sisters. Years ago, I said exactly the same thing as you and he has never, ever attempted anything like this again.

Good for you @VickyMcVities

It was well-deserved and overdue. Who cares that it was in public? Might be the aspect of it which gets him to actually listen.

YADNBU

It's irrelevant what the topic was about, because he's publicly undermined you for years, and I don't blame you for snapping.

Don't worry about your friends or colleagues. If they've got more than one brain cell, they'll fully understand why you said it.

Doing it in front of his boss was shit. After years of concerns, you're only now talking about divorce?!

Personally I don’t consider the example given to be belittlement. He was disagreeing with you and felt you were being over the top which given your daughter is an adult I would have to agree with him. His tone and delivery would also be important for context. We only have OP word that there is a history of belittlement. Reality might be she has a history of excessive controlling behaviour
in the vein of this comment.

Yes but what op said had far more of an impact. You think it's ok to bring up divorce in front of your 13yo and other children, in a public place? It would have made everyone else feel very uncomfortable and op look like she's the problem there.

Yes I agree. OP responded to what he was saying after years of it. Maybe he will think twice in future.

Very difficult to put an end to it, after having as you say 'years of it'. Also, instruct a solicitor, etc. I hope it is not an empty threat and you are richer than him and can financially do it and not hope for his handouts (easy to issue a court order, hell of a difficulty to enforce) as there is nothing worse than 'empty threats' that the person you are threatening realises as being empty threats.

Not sure there is enough information to give any solid advice TBH.

Taking your OP at face value, your DH sounds like a twat. What you did in that moment makes you also sound like a bit of a twat.

How long ago did the window accident happen? years ago and you still use it as a stick to beat him with or very recently?

Your 18 year old can get in a car with whoever she wants, she is an adult. If you are worried about choices she is making then it is her you need to talk to. Was his response actually embarassing for you, did he go OTT or did he just try laugh it off in a "she'll be fine" moment in front of his boss because it was awkward?

Do you get anxious about the children a lot?

In that situation yes. Preventing an accident to a child is way more important than "he didnt do it so why should I?".

Isn't it?

Very straightforward to put BF baby down for 5 seconds to close a door. Then deal with the arse DH afterwards.

I would like to hear his side. Is the window example weighed up against a whole lot of nonsense from you? A kind of crying wolf. Be honest.

Or are you creating drama or problems where there are none - was Joe Bloggs meant to be driving your DD, for example? If you were creating a disaster scenario that wasn't ever going to come to pass, I can see that being tiresome too. The way you escalated the conversation does hint towards drama queen.

He's a prick for not shutting the window but i cannot believe you also let your child fall out of the window rather than just unlatch the baby for the few seconds it would have taken to shut the window.

You've embarrassed yourself and made everyone else uncomfortable who have no idea about your home dynamics.

If you've got a problem with him, resolve it or leave, don't make dramatic ultimatums in front of work colleagues.

So he’s allowed to minimize OP’s thoughts and feelings in front of anyone and everyone, but when she says anything it’s disrespectful? The hypocrisy is unbearable. This sounds like the straw the broke the camel’s back.

Assuming you have taught your children that you only make a threat you intend to carry out, how do you think your 13 yr old feels at the moment - anxious , upset ? Thinking the next time something is said ( maybe even intended as a joke ) that’s it you are going ?

Sounds like your DH is hard work and you are under significant pressure but a public forum isn’t really the best place to make such a statement. Much better to have the conversation in private

Ah sorry door not window!

No I get that the DH should have just closed the door as asked. But op doesn't come off well at all in that situation either by also not addressing the (very valid as it turns out) risk.

Yes why should the man be asked to close the window. Let the woman do it.

She was breastfeeding. Her husband was asked to close the window and he refused. Probably because, like you, he thought it was her job.

I used to bite my tongue in public because no body wants to hear it or it’s inappropriate. But all that did was to give my ex free rein to talk how he liked with no push back. I wouldn’t do it now I wouldn’t care where I was or who I was with if someone belittled me they are getting my answer back.
You think he would’ve learnt when your dc fell out of a window! But no he just likes to belittle you and your opinion to make him look good. Twat.

I cant get over the unencumbered husband not just closing the door when asked. (I inferred the open window was in a different room to the OP, accessible via this door).

@ErrolTheDragon The window incident is mentioned. Guessing it was also 13 years ago. It could also be the only time the op was proved right and it's brought up every time

Now obviously I don't know this for certain. The dp may be an idiot and op may be very over anxious.
However whenever my dh is stressed in other areas of his life he becomes overly anxious with the dcs.

It would have been better to laugh and say to his boss, "Is he this much of a twat at work?"

The discussion about your eighteen year old daughter is not appropriate at the function. She is eighteen and it is a family matter.
Divorce is never something to be bandied about to win an argument, and in front of others (and the kids) is unforgivable. You are discussing the redrock of your children's lives.

Talk about genuine things calmly and often your DH will not share your opinion. That is normal.

It is mean to belittle you at any time so now, after DH was belittled by you, he might remember what it feels like and cease.

It needed saying.

But not in front of his boss, your boss and your 13yo DC.

And, to be fair, I think it's up to your DD if she sleeps in a car after a party. She won't freeze unless it's mid-winter. Perhaps he feels as though you're interfering with an adults choices?

I'm sorry times are so tough for you. I hope he's supportive and that you're not shouldering all of this alone.

You are not being unreasonable about your husband belittling you, nobody would like that and he needs to stop.

However, I cannot imagine in a million years why you said this at his work colleague/boss's barbecue, it seems so inappropriate:

"..our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous."

I don't know how the subject came up but that is personal business concerning your daughter, not anybody else. You could be right but it's still not something to be aired publicly. In any case what an eighteen year old does is up to her or him. On that occasion, your husband would have been justified in being embarrassed. I would have been.

Sorry op I can't get past you not closing the window either.