To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

If op had a safety concern for their small child, why didn't she close it when he refused?

You were pushed to the limit, you snapped. In my view it's his doing. He's pushed you and pushed you - he shouldn't have taken that risk in front of his boss, banking on you giggling along or brushing it off and letting him look like the cool, in control parent and you the nervous silly one. He fucked around and found out basically.

Not your finest moment to snap, I get it though. Sometimes it spills out before your brains engaged.

Because he was a prick? No one is denying that fact.

Why didn’t her husband close it?

Of course she can what? Tell her 18yo what they can or can't do?

Child could have fallen out of window even if door shut, you know. Anyway, why not get up and shut it yourself if so worried. Baby would stay latched on supported by your arm whilst you did so.

18 year olds are adults and you cannot dictate to them - though advice that Joe X might not be a safe driver might stop a teenager but more likely to encourage!
DH sounds a bit like my ex, who would ask what friend had e.g. smoke alarms etc that I was suggesting we have. Annoyed me and he also did it in front of friends (once criticised a cold starter which had taken 24 hours to prepare because the weather was now cold - in front of (embarrassed) guests). You may end up divorcing him - I did.
Healthy paranoia is useful - it did not stop my 3-year-old nearly falling out of a third-storey window in Spain, but it did wake me from a siesta in time to stop it.

Just want to say I don't necessarily think op didn't shut the door to prove a point. I'm responding in kind to the "well why should she do it" type comments (that do give a "point proving" vibe imo).

I'm fairly sure op regretted also not shutting the door tbf in hindsight (although seems odd to hold that particular issue against the DH given she had equal part in not preventing the accident).

Of course she can!

You should have said nothing but told your solicitor.

However, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Tell your solicitor anyway. At the very least, download the divorce forms off the you.gov website and show them to him. It might be the wake up call he needs.

But the DH was airing dirty laundry first. Payback’s a bitch.

Because that takes away the 'it's his fault' rhetoric.
If op was insight of the window, then could have closed it.
If the child who fell is a toddler, or unable to keep themselves safe, should they have been unattended to allow access to climb to a window?

YABU to bring up your marriage issues at a work BBQ and in front of your boss.

But you are obviously at breaking point and I think you should think about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who belittles you in front of other people.

Yea tbh, she should have got up and closed it. That wasn't the time or place to make a stand.

Unless you think it was acceptable for op to refuse to help keep her child safe to make a point to the DH?

If the 6 year old is the same child as the now 18 year old, maybe 12 years ago when she foresaw a potential hazard and he laughed at her she thought she was being over cautious- she and her DC learned a hard lesson that day but the DH learned nothing.

YANBU. I can see why you snapped.

Why are you still with him if he belittles you
so much?

sure but when she spotted the risk and he didn’t do it, why didn’t she get up and close it, why leave it open until her child got hurt.

Perhaps it was opened that wide by the DH and the OP only noticed when she started feeding. The OP realised the window could
present a risk and asked the other available adult to close it. This appeared to be mentioned by the OP as a moment where she realised her perception of risk was different than her DH’s and she had found from serious repercussions that she was correct. It didn’t seem to be the “I left it to make a point” moment others on the thread are interpreting it as.

But where does it say it was the same room?
Maybe she heard baby just wake up and go upstairs to feed, on her way up to baby on the stairs as baby is screaming she sees a door open on the other side of the house- maybe they have a mansion or balcony extension and tells her dh to close the door because shes already doing a job far away from the door and he's currently talking about how he might go for a walk becasue hes so very bored, while standing right next to the f-ing door...
What does it matter?

He didn't say 'sorry can't the postman's collapsed and I'm on the phone to 999!'
or even ignore the request. He outwardly criticised her request and belittled her concerns.
And then when her fear happened he didn't reevaluate his ideas and his acceptance of criticising her concerns because he kept doing it.

He sounds like a prat. YANBU OP

I think the point is the husband refused to close the window but hey no worries the wife will get up and do it and let’s have a go at her if she doesn’t.

You’ve embarrassed him in front of his boss

He embarrassed her in front of their boss. I guess that’s not as bad?🤪

This!

It is relevant because the OP and orher posters are trying to make out that breastfeeding one child meant she couldn't do anything to prevent the injury to the other.

And why have a window open so wide in the first place that a 6 uear old could climb out of it?

What did you H say after? Have your words had the desired affect?