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To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

237 replies

VickyMcVities · 29/08/2024 06:50

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 29/08/2024 16:18

But it wasn't about the driving? She was worried she'd be cold our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous."

Ramblomatic · 29/08/2024 14:49

"DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you"

Surely people don't actually speak like that? 😅

Completely unreasonable.

Hectorscalling · 29/08/2024 13:23

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/08/2024 13:08

ok but as annoyed as you may be with your husband do you want their work colleagues to think badly of them?
bear in mind that these people’s opinions of him have an impact on his job security/ earning potential etc.

From the title I think the Op works in the same place.

She very might have impacted both their jobs.

and women are usually judged more for snapping, than men are for thinking their wife’s concerns are silly

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/08/2024 13:08

LittleRedYarny · 29/08/2024 12:59

@LadyKenya Because if I heard a parent laughing at another parents concern about the safety of their child in a vehicle with a young reckless driver (irrespective of if the child was 8 or 18) I would think they were an arse… HTH

Edited

ok but as annoyed as you may be with your husband do you want their work colleagues to think badly of them?
bear in mind that these people’s opinions of him have an impact on his job security/ earning potential etc.

LittleRedYarny · 29/08/2024 12:59

LittleRedYarny · 29/08/2024 09:40

Second this. If i had been a work person in listening into this conversation I would have rather wondered what kind of arse your husband was to provoke his wife in to saying something so (rightfully) forceful in a public setting and be judging him not you.

@LadyKenya Because if I heard a parent laughing at another parents concern about the safety of their child in a vehicle with a young reckless driver (irrespective of if the child was 8 or 18) I would think they were an arse… HTH

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 12:29

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:57

Oh sorry, I assumed you meant you were being facetious rather than sarcastic, so I was actually being sarcastic 🙃 bit dickish of me I admit.

I said I was being sarcastic not facetious

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:57

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:42

It wasn’t that subtle 😆

Oh sorry, I assumed you meant you were being facetious rather than sarcastic, so I was actually being sarcastic 🙃 bit dickish of me I admit.

PuddlesPityParty · 29/08/2024 11:49

Do you have a habit of being a bit dramatic OP?

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:42

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:26

Oh good I actually thought you were being serious as some of your other posts have been very similar. Apologies, not like me to miss sarcasm. It was very subtle!

Edited

It wasn’t that subtle 😆

Dweetfidilove · 29/08/2024 11:42

It's done now, he sounds a dick and the office rumour mill may now be well oiled for a few days.

I'd be giving you a supportive smile if I was present, because I hate that belittling behaviour.

Josephinesnapoleon · 29/08/2024 11:40

tattygrl · 29/08/2024 11:02

You were pushed to the limit, you snapped. In my view it's his doing. He's pushed you and pushed you - he shouldn't have taken that risk in front of his boss, banking on you giggling along or brushing it off and letting him look like the cool, in control parent and you the nervous silly one. He fucked around and found out basically.

Seriously? How is she going to stop an 18 year old. What she was saying was mad to start with.

K0OLA1D · 29/08/2024 11:37

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:23

True, but it seems to matter less that the husband didn’t close it.

It doesn't. Lots of people, including me have said he was a shit, but that didn't stop that the door or window needed closing which the op knew and didn't do herself.

Northernparent68 · 29/08/2024 11:34

Northernparent68 · 29/08/2024 11:33

Surely the question is whether the relies viable not who was right or wrong at the BBQ

whether the relationship is viable

Northernparent68 · 29/08/2024 11:33

Surely the question is whether the relies viable not who was right or wrong at the BBQ

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:26

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:22

I was being sarcastic

Oh good I actually thought you were being serious as some of your other posts have been very similar. Apologies, not like me to miss sarcasm. It was very subtle!

WoolySnail · 29/08/2024 11:25

VickyMcVities · 29/08/2024 06:50

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

Queen 👸 👑

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:23

K0OLA1D · 29/08/2024 11:19

So did the op?

True, but it seems to matter less that the husband didn’t close it.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:22

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:20

Yea, the concern the op didnt address either resulting in their child being badly injured.

Oh well??? Blimey I thought I was a shit the time I suggested to DP he should put a coat on DS because it looked like rain and he disagreed so I let it play out and DS came home soaking wet 🤣

I was being sarcastic

tattygrl · 29/08/2024 11:22

DoreenonTill8 · 29/08/2024 11:06

In this situation, what should he have done?
'Yes dear, you are right- absolutely we will stop our 18 yo making this decision'?
How did this argument even emerge?

It's not even about agreeing or disagreeing with each other, but about respect. Laughing at her when she's talking about her opinion on something is belittling, and it's clearly part of a pattern.

Cosyblankets · 29/08/2024 11:21

Keep your private life private.
Boss or no boss it's got nothing to do with them

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:20

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:11

There was a safety concern and he refused to address it? Oh well..

Yea, the concern the op didnt address either resulting in their child being badly injured.

Oh well??? Blimey I thought I was a shit the time I suggested to DP he should put a coat on DS because it looked like rain and he disagreed so I let it play out and DS came home soaking wet 🤣

K0OLA1D · 29/08/2024 11:19

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:11

There was a safety concern and he refused to address it? Oh well..

So did the op?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/08/2024 11:17

You’ve had to reduce your hours. I don’t think you should be doing anything to jeopardise your husbands job. Clearly he won’t lose his job for this but you never know the impact of creating negative perceptions of your husband in his boss’ mind

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 29/08/2024 11:11

Megifer · 29/08/2024 11:03

If op had a safety concern for their small child, why didn't she close it when he refused?

There was a safety concern and he refused to address it? Oh well..

DoreenonTill8 · 29/08/2024 11:06

tattygrl · 29/08/2024 11:02

You were pushed to the limit, you snapped. In my view it's his doing. He's pushed you and pushed you - he shouldn't have taken that risk in front of his boss, banking on you giggling along or brushing it off and letting him look like the cool, in control parent and you the nervous silly one. He fucked around and found out basically.

In this situation, what should he have done?
'Yes dear, you are right- absolutely we will stop our 18 yo making this decision'?
How did this argument even emerge?