To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

Why are you still with this guy, and letting your kids grow up thinking it's ok for a man to repeatedly belittle his wife?

This!

We will have limits so try not to beat yourself up too much. It sounds as if you’ve had years and years of this kind of behaviour which has clearly resulted in either inconvenience to you or injury to your children and you are the one having to pick up the pieces.

Granted, the situation where you said this was probably not the right one, however you’ve done it now. It seems to me that your husband has no respect for you and may even do this to you because he himself has low self-esteem. I’m not making excuses for him in the slightest and I think I would probably feel exactly the same way as you do. He needs to change and show you a little more respect and I think you need to have a conversation about what you said and the fact that you meant it (assuming you did). I wish you all the best.

That still doesn't make it ok.

I can understand your frustration with your husband if he undermines or ignores your opinions often but the delivery of your response wasn't the best timed. Hopefully your Boss knows you both well enough to know your relationship dynamics & might know you're personal circumstances & that you're stressed & not on top form so won't take too much notice of it all.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

OP isn’t dictating but she is still her child’s parent and to be fair many 18 year olds will still have respect for their parents to listen to any concerns .
My kids are still respectful enough at 17 and 18 to ask my permission for things even though they know they can do their own thing.

OP well done for calling your DH out!

Well I, as a female parent, think her concern about the 18 year old is silly and controlling. And this wasn't the time or place to have the discussion.

I would have been embarrassed for her husband , felt sorry for the 15 year oldcand would have been cringing at the OP's behaviour.

No, he just continually belittles, demeans and ridicules her in front of her children and others which is a form of abuse.

He didn't threaten divorce in front of a child

Then he should remember that!

Its never ok to say in fron of your kids

Fine to stand up for yourself re being belittled - I think I'd not have mentioned solicitor/divorce, just booked some time off the following week to see a solicitor.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy
This really isn't about her 18 year old DD sleeping in a car (although I think any DM would be concerned about this).
It's about OP being continuously humiliated and emotionally abused in front of children, colleagues etc for a very long time.She then just loss it and quite rightly so.OP I feel for you this would happened me I wish I had spoken up earlier because my eldest DS has little respect for me.

Yeah but the examples she’s given,he’s right to push back. I mean cmon, the daughter is 18, and sure he didn’t shut the window many years ago, but neither did she. His job is not to just agree with her as she’s a woman; she’s clearlymotg always right.

Absolutely, who's going to explain to the 13yo if it was actually only an empty threat to get control, or if they're going to be sitting stressing that their parents are divorcing?

Why not, he does it to her repeatedly. She's very stressed and has reached her last nerve.

Sounds like it was the last straw for you OP. I don't think you were bu; he's been dismissing and invalidating your feelings/concerns for some time by the sounds of things, and doesn't appear to have any problem doing it in front of others', so well done for taking a stand.

Yes, exactly.
Nothing to be clapping and Pom Pom waving at, at all.

Did the people saying well done realise your 13 year old was there?! It sounds like a horrible environment for them to be in with their parents sniping at each other.

He’s a dick! Well said.

Sounds like he was belittling you in from if your boss in the first place. As for 18 year old daughter I understand and it seems your fears are justified as for being 18 yes she can make her own decisions just as she can pay her own rent and food. Yes maybe the divorce bit was a little much at a party but to be fair I think after the window incident you would have kicked him to the kerb anyway. Also for those saying she could have shut the door herself firstly she was breastfeeding and secondly is it a big ask for a father to protect his child.

Did you never look out for hazards when your children were little? Did you allow them to play in the middle of the road? If your DH had let them would you have asked him not to or just stood and watched whilst they were run over?

I agree, it was a pompous and horrible thing to say in front of her kid, over something she’s no say over, a bunch of kids sleeping in their cars after a party. Quite frankly I’d have responded as her husband did.

The boss doesn't know the history, nor does he know you as well as he knows your DH. He only knows what he was forced to witness.

Your DH's comment was slightly uncomfortable to listen to, at worst. Yours was toe curling uncomfortable to witness.

Given that he and your DH probably get on reasonably well, I'm going to guess that he'll be more sympathetic to him than to you. At worst he thinks you're a maniac. Airing your dirty linen in front of him and your 13 year old was horrible for all of them.

If a woman came on here and said that her DH had said what you did in front of her boss, this thread would have been nothing other than LTB responses. There certainly wouldn't have been anyone cheering him on.

Well everyone would, but as that’s not what this was I am unsure why you made the comment. She’s worried her daughter will be cold. And all the kids are staying in cars. Unless it’s the dead of winter, I’m not sure I’d class that as a safety concern. More an overbearing parent one.