To think MIL should have consulted ME about Father's Day?

What? Why? Aren’t you helping them with cards and little gifts for their dad? Planning his favorite breakfast or something? Or maybe even asking your husband if he’s going to make plans with his own father for lunch or dinner so you leave that meal time available in the schedule?

Do your thing with DH and let them deal with the consequences…

I think your wrong. It's normal to speak to your dc not their partner.

Your DH also has a father and MIL was thinking he might want to celebrate his own father as well. You were also thinking that. Why shouldn't she contact her son without 'going through you'?
You have children, you can't imagine it now but one day they will be grown up and you will not necessarily want to communicate with them through their partners. You might also want them to celebrate Father's Day with your DH as well as any dc they have.

You are right so just tell MIL that she should run Father's Day plans also past you incase you have a surprise arranged.
She will likely understand and support your DH putting his small children first..
No need to carry a grudge forward - just phone and speak to her.

Assert yourself but it is not odd that MIL does talk to her kids about if they have plans to see their Dad. Equally, it's not odd for you to be able to also know, influence and change the plans.

This is coming across as very controlling on your part. It's all me, me, me.

Wonder if that's why your FIL doesn't speak to you.

Maybe they wanted to speak about general stuff at the time and this was just one of the topics.

I thought this steaight away too

Why would she have checked if you had booked something for DH when you were the one who "reached out" to her?

If he had ADHD as a child, he's still got it

That struck me also. It doesn't just melt away.

"Oh ok, that's ok MIL, I wouldn't expect husband to arrange his own father's day. Let me know if you want to do something joint or not and I'll speak with SIL today. If not, no problem at all."

I think they're looking at it as he is her husbands son, not that your DH is a father himself.
I also think this way is probably easiest.
You aren't taking on responsibility of fathers day, not just for your husband as a father, but his father's day too.

I WISH my MIL would talk to my DH instead of me. She asks me what DH is doing at the weekend, what DH wants to eat when he visits next week, if DH is low on socks. Thinks men shouldn’t be troubled with the mundane. Or are incapable of answering such questions. Does my head in!

Firstly, why would DH be organising his own Father's Day?

For his own father?

Just let it go.

This father's day (also Aus) SIL has chatted to DH & booked a restaurant for lunch. No one consulted me. My parents were then invited when I pushed back. They booked a restaurant a 45 min drive for both IL's & my elderly parents. So now I have to drive my parents out. So we're going to a brewery & I can't even have a drink!

This is normal, across both families. Christmas, Mothers & Father's day etc.

If I really wanted I could kick up a fuss. I sometimes do. I refuse to go to SIL's for Xmas because it's grim, and have refused to allow hoardes of relatives stay at my house, that DM invited from interstate, for Christmas. We only get a few days off & am too exhausted to do hosting & cleaning.

As for your MIL consulting DH, well, my MIL tried that because DH never said no. Problem is he'd forget or only mention on passing, I'd make other plans... and... tough. So she went back to asking me. I preferred not knowing....

Honestly, I think you need to just organize something for your immediate family and assume you haven’t been invited. If it clashes, too bad.

Why don't people stand up to their revolting in-laws, particularly those who ignore them, or ride tough-shod over their family plans, etc
This place is packed with seemingly articulate, intelligent women, who unwillingly revert to subserviant acceptance around an in-law
Yes, it is difficult, but if your DH/DP doesn't stick up for them in such a situation, they need to be having words all round.
Please ladies, don't let your children learn that such behaviour is acceptable from any party involved

@head2toeinuniqlo she reached out to her children re their father. Huge overreaction on your part I think

Not to derail but ADHD is a lifeling neurological condition...you dont just have it as a child. Your husband still has it x

Do you usually call MIL and ask like you have this time? You said DH and SIL are flaky and he forgets plans, is it not more likely you have previously been invited and he hasn't communicated this or SIL hasn't gotten in touch beforehand?

You're acting like it's strange for MIL to have asked SIL to talk to your husband about plans for their father on Father's Day, consider that she actually does it every year and they are both incapable of managing to do anything so the poor woman ends up just having lunch with SIL because you don't consider FIL either and you make all the arrangements for your DH.

Your children will grow up too and DH won't be their priority, you will be MIL one day.

If he works very hard for his family and is a great dad then he doesn’t have a complete lack of executive functioning skills. If he did, he’d be an incompetent blob of flesh unable to perform any task with any degree of success.
Have you heard of self sabotage by proxy? That’s what you’re doing - you’re sabotaging your DHs need to perform tasks around the family for himself and making yourself out to be a martyr at the same time.

I find it funny you're desperate for the wife work I'm trying to avoid. I'm desperate for my MIL and SiL to arrange stuff with DP but they always want to go through me.

Also you've 2 kids yourself can't you imagine in the future them wanting to arrange stuff as adults for your FILs fathers day?

No, I’m not sure either. Maybe he just doesn’t like how controlling of his DS you are?

This is pathetic. It’s not a competition as to which mother gets the most attention!