To think MIL should have consulted ME about Father's Day?

Today is Thursday, and Sunday is in a few days time. Isn’t it a bit late to arrange something? Maybe as nothing had been arranged already, mil and sil , in conversation, mooted the idea of a barbecue. Sounds like there’s were no definite plans made.

@LAMPS1. Great response! I absolutely agree with you xx

Had ADHD?? This isn’t something you grow out of?
to be honest, I feel if your relationship with your ML isn’t that close then maybe that’s the reason she didn’t contact you and spoke to her daughter instead? If you have children, however I do feel she should have spoken to you first as quite rightly you may have wanted to arrange something that the children felt they could do for their father.

You don’t grow out of ADHD, so your husband still has ADHD and that means executive functioning disorder so that is why he is disorganised and it’s working memory issues that mean he can’t remember arrangements if called at work.
Explain that to his family so that arrangements do go through you do things run more smoothly.

It’s not your father, it’s DHs so up to him what he arranges and for you to do something with your own father. (If that’s possible). I would celebrate/help your kids to do something with their dad. That’s all. As for his family, unless DH organises things or they contact you I’d be doing very minimal organising of anything.

My exact words were You sound like hard work, entitled, ignorant. That is definitely not me calling the OP a horrible person. You are insinuating things, don’t twist my words. And my comment was not in relation to the adhd, it was in relation to everything OP outlined in her posts.

Er, you yourself called the OP "hard work, entitled, ignorant" because of her adhd comment?

I won't argue my ADHD point further. I am happy to read any links anyone sends me. I have previously been informed that adhd is not necessarily a life-long condition. I am open to being told otherwise, but only with some evidence to back it up.

No one has shown me that evidence yet but fair enough, you're not required to do the legwork, so yes we'll just have to agree to disagree.

But not as trustworthy as actual specialist medical sites. If they are paid/sponsored by the industry they’re supporting/reporting, then that’s very biased, not independent, and probably not 100% factual. As very proven in the Andrew Wakefield fiasco.

You’re not an expert yet will argue your point? Just look at how many posters are saying you don’t outgrow ADHD … The outrage OP’s comment re ADHD is getting is actually very deserved imo. We’ll leave the ADHD there though and agree to disagree.
No-one has said OP is a horrible person that I’ve read? You seem to be putting words where there aren’t any 🤷🏻‍♀️

Side note: I would imagine he still has ADHD. Not really something you can grow out of

This.
You lost me at outgrowing ADHD (you can learn techniques as you get older but it doesn't bloody disappear)

This is exactly what I thought- she’s approaching it from the pov of him being the son of her husband and doing something for his father, rather than your pov of him being a father himself.

Op are you new here? I saw the negative comments coming as soon as I read your post..mumsnet is obsessed with 'it's his mum not yours' utter nonsense rubbish. Mil is only allowed to speak to her son about these types of things. You're an afterthought on this site.
I agree with you. He may be a son on their end but he's a dad your end and as you make the plans it would have been an idea to check in with you first. Your mil and sil are not stupid. They go straight to your hubby to ensure their own needs are met first let's not gloss over this or they are just plain stupid and selfish. There's nothing to stop you seeing them for some time and then do you're on thing for the rest of the day. And to those saying there's nothing wrong with the sil making the plans with her brother ... well there is.. the dh husband in this has his own kids.. these families have had all their years to do fathers day... now it's the turn of the kids to make memories with their dad!

If you end up being in this mils situation, perhaps it would help to think of your dil not as a gatekeeper but the hapless victim of your incompetent (in this are) child and also of your own refusal to accept this and lack of genuine desire to see your child and his family, since surely she’d try harder if she did want to see them. She’s just a woman who’d like to make some bloody plans for her family 2 days from now and not be left ignorant of any potential plans others are making.

Thanks for that. Pathetic eh? Of course it's not a competition but I didn't think it was on that mother's day was just about my mother in law and nothing for me. We always make father's day about DH. Is it wrong to also want some kind of mother's day celebration for myself? It didn't mean not celebrating my MIL.

I think it's pathetic to let yourself be ignored on MD.

Cos it's his Dad?
Maybe you just all need to communicate better?

I'm sorry, OP. I hope you find a solution you can live with. Perhaps just do your own thing and go your own way and leave the legwork up to PIL? All the best

Omg that's not what the op is saying.
She's saying she might have booked something for her husband as a surprise and it makes more sense to talk to her about making plans.. She's SAYING SHE MAKES THE PLANS. SHE MAKES THE PLANS PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Look, I am not an expert on ADHD. I do have experience with ADHD kids and some ADHD in the family, but I am by no means a medical expert. I have always been told that you can potentially grow out of ADHD and a quick Google just now seems to confirm that.

I am willing to be shown I'm wrong. I agree that sources online can be sketchy. If you know of research, please link it.

In any case, I really don't think OP describing DH as having "ADHD as a child" deserves the level of outrage it seems to have gotten. It's not a sign that she's a horrible person.

WebMD is infinitely more trustworthy that Wikipedia.

Mother of a teenage son here. Like fuck will I be consulting his future wife or gf as if she's some kind of gatekeeper. Get over yourself.

Did anyone else have a flash of panic that they'd forgotten fathers' day

I think this is an overreaction, mil has spoken to her own kids about their own Dad related to fathers day - seems completely normal to me! You sound controlling, thinking all arrangements have to go through you first, surely DH is just as entitled to make plans, the day is about him and FIL after all!