That this has unsettled me, TW talking about ‘passing away’

Ha, my son says that sort of stuff all the time. My dad died last week. He's like
"It's weird how you don't have any parents now" and asking constant questions about exactly what happened.

It's perfectly normal. :) It's a big concept for little kids to get their heads around, and roleplaying their way through big concepts is also a normal way of processing it.

Many years ago, while my mum was very visibly pregnant with me, she attended a 90th birthday party for my dads grandma. Also present at the party was my cousin Peter, who was about 6.
At one point, grandma and my mum were chatting, and grandma said (as only 90 year olds can), very cheerfully, "I better hurry up and die to make room for the new baby!"
Little Peter, who was standing nearby, processed this for a moment, and then shouted across the garden, "Auntie C's baby is killing Grandma!"

After my birth, grandma wrote to my mum and put "I'm pleased to hear that baby OP arrived successfully! And I am still here also! Peter is reportedly also very relieved!"
We still have the letter and grandma lived another 7 years. :)

My almost 5 year old also talks about death - they've discussed it at nursery (dead goldfish I think) and we do at home when discussing our family history. I think it's natural. Although I could do without the 'your mummy DIED, didn't she Mummy?' comments every so often!

I have to admit she freaked me out this morning. I was doing her final ever nursery drop-off, and we looked over at a tree-lined path that we always walk past but have never been down. I said 'as it's our final time at nursery perhaps when I collect you tonight we should walk down that path'.

'Yes let's do that mummy... perhaps that's where people go to die!'

🤔

I seriously wouldn't worry Op. As a 7 year old child I was creepy as hell. My 4 cats would bring home dead animals (birds, snakes, mice, rats, lizards) and I gave every single one of them a funeral. I also made headstones out of lolly pop sticks. It took up an 1/8th of the garden. I grew out of creepy, she will be OK.

I think this is normal. I had forgotten until I saw this thread but my DD and her friends went through a phase of discussing dying a lot at this age too. I remember wondering if I should be worrying about it.

I don't see any reason to be concerned about anything in here?

My child sometimes used to play about people dying too. I was never concerned

Ah @NDmumoftwo similar story! Didn't see yours before I posted.

What a lovely, natural way for your DC to process the whole concept of death and its rituals.

Do continue to talk with her openly if she wants to.

A for euphemisms some are better than others. Passing away seems clear to me but I heard a sad story of a child who was afraid to go to sleep because they were told Granny had gone to sleep instead of that she had died.

Feels normal. Make sure you chat to her about it - all normal, circle of life etc and avoid using euphemisms like "born sleeping" "with angels" etc, to avoid any confusion.
I only say this because a friend had a stillborn baby and she insisted on saying "she's sleeping" and the kid got terrified of falling asleep of an evening

5 years is when a lot of dc start nattering about death.

That's really sweet 🥺

When my DD was 8 I got "Mummy, when you die, can I have your jewellery?". I was only 31!!

I'll never forget my eldest DD saying "happy birthday Nanna, you are so old now you are almost dead!"

Very normal to talk about death, my five year old talks about my nan and our cat who both died in the last couple of years quite regularly. They're just figuring it all out as best they can.

Probably best to use 'died' rather than 'passed away' though, children don't really understand euphemisms.

When my oldest was at forest school nursery they found a baby bird that had died. They made a little grave for it and decorated it with flowers and sang a little song. He asked a lot of questions about death then too (he was 3)

I think it’s good for them to learn about it in a gentle way from early - it’s a big thing to get their head around.

it helped a lot when we had a bereavement in the family and he was asking what to expect from a funeral etc

Perfectly normal. My daughter started telling me I was going to die soon when she was 3. She spoke about it daily for a few months asking questions like “Will you die before me?” And then telling grandparents they were going to die. It seemed to me that she had heard it somewhere but wasn’t quite sure what death really meant.

like a PP said, euphemisms are really unhelpful and confusing for children. Passed away means nothing and doesn’t explain anything. It’s best just to be honest with children. I gently explained that it means the parts of our body that keep us alive stop working. If I say something like “uncle Dave was very poorly and went to sleep” it would terrify her every time she has a cold.

It sounds very healthy and normal to me. They learn and process information through play. I don't know if you have any pets or anything, but they're usually a child's first experience of death in their lives, if they're lucky. They're going to experience death as a part of life and growing up. I think there's even an episode of Bluey covering it.

At DD's primary school this year, a member of the support staff died unexpectedly - perhaps something similar had happened? The school did send out a notice saying when the children would all be told but reassured it would be age appropriate for the year group. They then held a memorial when a bench was placed in the school grounds.

DD was only in reception but we had already had a conversation about death as we'd had to put one of our cats to sleep earlier in the year. I was very careful not to use euphemisms though and to be clear on the facts of the situation. It did seem to freak out some relatives though when DD would just say 'DCat died'.

I don't think euphemisms are helpful for kids - DM used to run a Rainbow group and one girl had announced she was going to be a big sister. A few months passed and they were doing something about families and my mum said to this girl 'you'll be a big sister soon' and she replied 'no, we lost the baby'. DM then overheard another girl asking 'have they looked for the baby?' It's always stuck with me that all the terms we use as adults to talk about these things really aren't helpful to get kids to understand. No shame on the parents at all who were clearly going through a horrendously sad time with a young DD to explain things to.

Any euphamism is unnecessary, particularly with children. Death is a natural part of their lives (pets, family, on TV, films [bambi!!]), and using phrases such as 'passed/passed away/fallen asleep, etc, don't address the issue, and are confusing for kids (why haven't they woken up is they have just fallen asleep?)
We all need to stop pretending death doesn't happen. And kids respond so much better to being treeated as sentient beings rather than glass ornaments who will break if you say 'died' or 'penis' rather then whatever silly name you use for (deep breath) 'private parts'!!

I think it's good for children to gradually learn about death conceptually before they are forced to learn about it through the death of a family member.

It's a tricky thing to grasp unless the child directly sees a dead body. Role playing is a normal way of processing thoughts.

Yes, my grandson at this sort of age confidently and quite cheerfully informed me of who in our family was likely to die first, followed by so-and-so etc depending on what our ages were.😐

I had to collect my dd from preschool because she was distraught about great grandad dying. He had done, 10 years before she was born. No idea what triggered all the emotions that day. It is normal to talk about death. Maybe one of her classmates or friends has had a relative die recently?

Best not to treat it as a taboo subject but discuss openly.

Oh my son has been distraught about death from around 3 when he somehow figured it out. He’s 7 now and even now he’s worried that his dad or I might die so he often asks to sleep with him because he’s convinced we’re going to die at night when we sleep.

@ThePrologue do people really have a problem with saying "passed away" now? Or do you mean only when talking to children? I know some people hate "lost their battle with cancer" but I didn't realise saying someone passed away was controversial now as well...

Perfectly normal
But please, tell her not to use euphemisms for death.
The person/thing has died. It hasn't passed away/passed on/fallen asleep/gone over the rainbow/bought the farm, etc

It's really normal. My DS is 6 and speaks about death often.