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Original poster

For not inviting SIL on holiday?

62 replies

EnidSpyton · 28/08/2024 23:02

I recently went on a short break with my sister. We don’t live near each other and have busy lives, childcare to sort out etc so we haven’t been away together just us in probably a decade. We had such a lovely time and it was so special to be alone together without kids, partners etc.

We had a family lunch over the bank holiday - our brother and his wife were there. SIL asked how our holiday was, and we had what seemed to be a perfectly nice and friendly conversation about it. However later on my brother took me to one side and said SIL was really upset she hadn’t been invited to go away with us and he felt really disappointed that we hadn’t included her.

I was taken aback by this and felt awful that SIL was so upset. It had never occurred to me to ask her. Neither my sister nor I have any issues with her - we all get along well - but surely we are entitled to spend time together on our own?

I’m interested to know what other people think - are my sister and I in the wrong here? Do we owe SIL an apology?

OP posts:
Royalshyness · 28/08/2024 23:17

You are absolutely entitled to go away with your sister !! She’s cheeky to even make a comment to be honest. It’s not her place __

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 28/08/2024 23:16

YANBU.

I get on fine with my SIL, but my relationship with my sister is on a completely different level.

Vabenejulio · 28/08/2024 23:16

I think your SIL and brother had no right to attempt to make you feel guilty, let alone reproach you for not inviting her.

This wasn’t a “wider family” thing. It was a “two sisters” thing. She’s not your sister. The relationship is different, whether she likes it or not.

Obviously she’s lacking this sort of intimacy in her life. But that doesn’t entitle her to deny you yours. Them’s the breaks.

semideponent · 28/08/2024 23:15

You heard DB's take on DSIL's reaction, It certainly tells you something about DB.

Original poster
EnidSpyton · 28/08/2024 23:13

@7yo7yo

We’re all friendly but not close. My sister and I have a lot of shared interests that our SIL is not into at all so there’s not a huge amount of common ground. We happily go for lunch or on a shopping trip with each other but a holiday all together for several days would have felt a bit strained. That’s why I was so surprised - I didn’t even think SIL would want to come away with us.

OP posts:
AyeDeadOn · 28/08/2024 23:11

I think your sister in law is bonkers

longdistanceclaraclara · 28/08/2024 23:11

7yo7yo · 28/08/2024 23:08

I’ve been the SIL and have been you.
Whats your relationship like?
If it’s superficial and she’s not someone you would particularly choose as a friend then that’s fine but if you value your relationship with her, why couldn’t/didn’t you invite her?

Presumably it massively changes the dynamic, regardless of how well they get on. I wouldn't invite my sil on a weekend with my sister, wouldn't occur to me and probably vice versa.

7yo7yo · 28/08/2024 23:08

I’ve been the SIL and have been you.
Whats your relationship like?
If it’s superficial and she’s not someone you would particularly choose as a friend then that’s fine but if you value your relationship with her, why couldn’t/didn’t you invite her?

Rosiemadeathing · 28/08/2024 23:07

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I would go away with my sister without my sil. No one would think anything of it. Depends on the family dynamic though I suppose.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 28/08/2024 23:07

Absolutely not, you're perfectly entitled to go away with just your sister-your brother is being ridiculous, having your SIL there would have changed the whole dynamic.
Think nothing else of it, if she wants to arrange a trip away with you both then she can feel free to invite you can't she?

Karmaisac4t · 28/08/2024 23:04

You and your sister did nothing wrong. I go away with my mum every year, wouldn’t even enter my head to invite my SIL.

Sheelanogig · 28/08/2024 23:04

I don't think you do.
You can go away with your sister, or a cousin, or a friend and not have to invite SIL.