For not inviting SIL on holiday?

Why have you reviived this? It's so old and the OP barely returned to it herself.

It's great that your SIL is just being openly weird, childish and super entitled, forewarned is forearmed as they say. What's up with your brother though? Could she have bullied him into making this inappropriate comment to you? Or is he just a complete idiot?

I'd only get this if you had two sisters, and you and one went away together (without some specific point / reason / shared interest the third doesn't have). I don't think I'd invite one sister on a general holiday away together and ignore our other sister, and it might feel a bit weird if they did it to me. But my sisters do share a particular, intense interest which for both crosses both hobby and work, and I think they've been away (together) connected to that, and that didn't bother me at all. I might feel a bit hurt (wouldn't say so!) if they pushed off for a long weekend as a general sisterly holiday together without inviting me, though.

I meet my sisters a few times a week and go away on day trips, weekends, holidays with them. Get on fine with SIL but she’s not close to my sisters and has her own friends whom I wouldn’t expect to join in with all the time or on hols. Seems ‘odd’ to me!

Sisters are a totally different thing. You grew up together.

YANBU at all . 2 sisters going away for a short break with shared interests etc. is perfectly fine and normal, you don’t need to invite your SIL. The odd shopping trip / lunch with her is fine.

I think it depends on the dynamic of the 3 of you. If you regularly do things together - meals, drinks, shopping etc then I think its obvious that your sil would feel hurt not to be invited.

Goodness. You did nothing wrong in the slightest.

how very odd that she thought she would be entitled to be asked on a sister trip. I wouldn't dream of inviting my SIL on a sister trip, nor would my other sister with a SIL! Then again my SIL is a tight fisted dick who wouldn't even come on a trip lol.
Does she not have sisters or close friends she goes away with?

What does your brother do for you, OP?

I’m asking because it seems somewhat inappropriate to me for a brother to express “disappointment” in you for this unless there is good reason for him to think you owe him in some way.

So if he has really gone out of his way to help you out in some way, or if there’s a lot of that sort of give and take in your relationship and he could feel that you have perhaps taken advantage of his generosity, then I could sort of see where his disappointed might stem from - The idea that you weren’t happy to reciprocate when he’s been generous. (Although still unreasonable and misguided as you weren’t aware of your DSiL’s desire to go away with you and your DSis).

But the way you write about it, it sounds more paternalistic. As though he’s decided he has rights over you in a way you don’t have over him. And if that’s the case, that isn’t just miscommunication and misplaced expectations that can be worked on, that’s an egotistical attitude which dooms any sort of reasonable relationship.

I'm fairness the woman would have confided her private thoughts to her own husband. He chose to share it with OP and you dont know what spin he put on it if he thought his wife should have been included. Clearly SiL had not intended to make it known as she'd been fine about it to OP.

My DH has sisters. They went, with their mother on a 3 day trip away. When they came back one SIL showed me the photos. She apologised for not including me. It didn’t occur to me that I should be, so I batted the apology away. It was no drama on either side, for me that’s normal!

Are you sure it’s sil that was upset and not just your brother being a bit odd? My ex was desperate for me to become besties with his sisters.

If you wanted to invite her, then great! But a sibling relationship is like no other, is easy, familiar, etc… And having another person there does really change the dynamic.
i think you’re fine! Invite her along on a night out soon, but don’t ever feel guilty for spending quality time with loved ones.

Of course you don't owe her an apology.

Sisters can go on holiday together - anyone can without any explanation.

Wonder if she'd think to invite the 2 of you if she went away with her sibling?

YANBU. I like my SIL a lot and she is a very kind person but my sister and I are very different people and much closer. I would go away with my sister but not my SIL. I really don’t think my SIL would want to be invited. She would rather go away with her own sister.

Utterly ridiculous. What have you got to apologise for? Nothing! Your db is being weird. Why on earth would you invite your sil? She doesn’t have to be involved. I would just ignore, don’t even keep future holidays quiet, just carry on. The only one who should feel bad is your db for even raising it.

I’d have laughed and asked my brother whether his next holiday plans included our husbands, and if not, why not. And suggested that if an adult woman is upset with two other adult women, she actually speak to them directly, not hide behind her DH as intermediary.

DB very much overstepped there.

You are not in the wrong, you are perfectly entitled to go away with your sister. It's a very odd reaction from SIL. If anyone had the slightest reason for being upset for not being invited it should be your brother and even that would be ridiculous but at least more understandable.

I am a sister in law in this situation you described OP and my husband has 3 sisters.
i wouldnt be upset at all if they were going away together, it wouldnt occur to me to be.

what annoys me a lot though is that i go out of my way to organise for the cousins to get together and when their children meet and they dont include mine that pisses me off. They know we are busy so they always say “we knew you were that week end so we didnt want to put pressure on you”

well 1. Let me make that decision for myself i am a grown adult and 2. I always prioritise family so would happily reorganise my week ends.

anyway that was a vent and not the point of your message. You are not unteasonnable at all.

Has your DB ever invited your DH or your sister's H on a holiday with him?

I'm wondering if there's any kind of precedent he's set or if he's being a hypocrite?

@mondaytosunday
i said op is NBU.

YANBU but if your SIL sees you both as sisters (even if you don't get that vibe) I can see why she's upset. When I was with my ex he had two brothers and the other two sisters in law who didn't work would always be doing things together and even though I wouldn't have been able to go anyway it did sting a bit.

You did nothing wrong and you most certainly do not owe sil an apology. If you apologise, she will expect an invite next time and every time.