To think im not at fault here!!!!

The more you drive the more confident you will be

Theres things about my partner I used to find endearing when i first met him - we have been together 12 years, and things I used to tolerate which I am now (aged 46) struggling with.

He's not funny anymore, he's annoying. I snap at him for things I would have before laughed off - i am not sure if this is perimenopause or am I just getting older and less tolerant.

Maybe just speak to him and tell him how you feel and why is this only starting to bother him now, is it you or is it him, is there something else going on with him you don't know about

Your DC I would tell them they hurt your feeling when they were mocking you

From what you say it’s him that has changed not you. You absolutely don’t want to feel you are being undermined (the “mental” comment) in front of the DCs, particularly coming up to teenage years.

It’s quite normal if you are stressed about something to talk to those who are closest to you. He knows you second guess yourself.

I have teenagers and I also have nick names for the dog which I use to amuse me (and obviously the dog finds them hilarious). Try not to worry about what teenagers think, they’re hyper aware of the world around them, probably all sorts of evolutionary reasons. Try to focus on the things you found fun for you.

It sounds like they’ve grown up but you haven’t …I get the struggling to accept them getting older, I think most of us do, but as the parent you need to be more sensitive to THEIR changing needs

The pub one would infuriate me OP. I’m guessing your DH/family think they are having a lovely meal out only for you to put a downer on it and say you wished you’d done somewhere else.

I think on holiday you just need to be a bit more relaxed now the kids are older, they can make more decisions on what they want to do now and it’s down to them if they enjoy it. Don’t put too much pressure on the situation.

Sounds like you're on eggshells sometimes, which must be exhausting. And then that's not right, either.

As for teens on holiday, I gave up after they reached 16! It was no longer a holiday, but an expensive 24/7 argument for a week.

The ranting about your job must also be tackled. If you rant regularly, you must either leave your job or change your minset about it. Give fewer fucks, quietly quit. Tackle what's annoying. Noone should have to listen to someone ranting every night. If you must, write it all down until you have solved the problem. He might be exasperated you are doing nothing to change your situation.

I get it’s painful to be asked to change your behaviour. But it really can feel unbearable living with someone who talks incessantly regardless of the cues the other person is giving, or who broadcasts everything on their mind without asking any questions of you; or ruins social occasions by flapping and getting in a tizz about whether everything is perfect. You might feel like you are attending to everyone’s needs and lightening the mood by filling silence but its often self-focused even if it’s well meant.

I think you might lack self awareness and that’s what your family are asking you to address. The impact of your behaviour on them. The mental comment is unacceptable but otherwise your DH sounds a good person who’s exasperated.

I had to train myself to say ‘hmmmm’ in the right places without actually listening as I couldn’t cope with the endless wall of incessant chat. The other person was hugely hurt and offended if anyone mentioned being more aware. Everyone thought the same and just had to tune out in the end. I don’t think that’s what you want, so do think about it.

Are you not reading what you are writing?

Kids bickering over a board game (sadly normal!) - YOU got arsey.

Everyone was like what? Sounds like you totally overreacted or they perceived it as you did.

I agree with a PP, maybe he is seeing the behaviour through the eyes of the teens.

Maybe peri meno is making you more anxious and prone to dwelling on the small stuff eg choosing the right restaurant. I do the same.

I think you (and me) have to reframe your thinking. Being around worriers / dwellers can be irritating. Be grateful for the choices you make. Some you'll win but some you'll lose. Law of averages. However, be glad you live in a world where you have choices. Many don't. Tackle the Wittering and dwelling, this will benefit you all.

Don't change your zest for life and the silly though. To me, that's a quality.

A lot of this does sound annoying, sorry!

@Ivenamechangedsomanytimes
You know sometimes the very things that attract us to our partners become the same things that we do not like or resent some years down the line.

It's not about the woman reigning herself in to please the man, it's about self awareness.

How would you deal with living with someone who is constantly as chatty, funny, and as highly strung and critical as you describe yourself?

I know that I became less tolerant when I was menopausal but I also listened to what my DH and adult DC's were telling me because in small doses it's tolerable, even endearing but when it's day in day out and over a long period of time it's exhausting for other people.

The op literally said she talks too much:

"I suppose I'm a bit highly strong and perhaps talk too much and too much shit"

PP's comments were valid tbh.

You sound like me and if you are then yes we can be annoying!😄 I try and stop the thinking out loud, it’s like I always have to fill silences. Also I try and listen within reason about what I’m doing that’s annoying and try to adapt if my husband has a point.

I often joke to him that if he’d married someone else it would have been boring! He agrees but said yes but it would have been quieter 😄

How old are your teens? (Sorry if I’ve missed it)

Also teenagers will get better so don't despair.

But he is making YOU unhappy!

I didn’t do any such thing, so I’m not sure why you quoted me other than to create a straw man argument.

If OP gives a clearer picture of what the actual conflict is, people can advise her better. She’s been too vague so far to tell and hasn’t really clarified when asked.