To think im not at fault here!!!!

I think a bit of honest reflection would help a lot - would you enjoy your own company, honestly? What is wrong with changing the way you behave if you are maturing or taking other people into account. Very few parents treat their toddlers and teens the same way, that is evolution rather than being forced to change.

I would hate going for dinner with someone who spent a lot of the time going on about the restaurant being the wrong choice - what an absolute waste of headspace and bringing the mood down. Try to make the most of things instead, for your own sake as well as the people you are with. Can you put an elastic band around your wrist and snap it any time you feel a "mither" coming on, to break the habit.

It sounds as if you need a lot of validation, for every decision you make or task you do and that DH is not forthcoming and now the teens aren't either, so you are adrift. However, you aren't going to get it by pestering him. I think you would be happier working on you sense of self in other ways, find things you are good at, set challenges like running 5k or learning watercolours, anything to give you a boost that isn't hoping someone else gives you it.

I hope you feel happier soon, but it does sound as if the kind of happiness that has to come from within rather than the temporary boost you'll get from people online calling your DH names.

Ah, OP, I really feel for you. Your self esteem must be fairly low for you to use such derogatory language about yourself 😕. It's great that you're aware that you sometimes need to rein it in a bit, but you can't change your whole personality.

I think we're probably a similar age. DH and I are looking forward to retiring early and travelling, hiking, going to restaurants and cafes etc. If I was dreading our retirement together, I just couldn't stay with him now. This is your one life and I honestly think you're better off separating now and either remaining happily single or finding somebody who will appreciate you how you are.

I'd find it very hard to be around someone who "mithered" a lot. You've used that expression a few times. What a truly tiresome quality. Try keeping your querulous, whiny thoughts to yourself perhaps. That's being a fun sponge!

Honestly the more I read the more I am cringing a little for you (sorry). Because I have a friend just like this, and although I am fine with her because I've learned to just let her be without me getting pissed off with her...everyone around us I see cringing at her or just not wanting to be around her. I am not suggesting you're to this degree, but so much of what you describe she does. Insanely enthusiastic, non stop chatting, she thinks everyone thinks she's really funny which you keep mentioning, making up silly names, singing and dancing loudly around the place all the time, butting in to everyone's conversations, seriously OTT in everything she does. Sadly she doesn't have many true friends as people distance themselves as they don't know how to take her.

Maybe please yourself rather than worrying about everyone else. That might stop the second guessing restaurants etc (which sounds terribly annoying). Counting down to xmas is also really annoying - it’s not like it’s a different day every year 😁

Perhaps you threw yourself into a child’s world to make up for the fact your dh is boring and dull. You can’t judge your dc on how they are as teenagers as being how they are for the rest of their lives 😁

maybe get some counselling for you for these life changes/ work stress. It doesn’t sound like you will get what you need from your husband.

You have said you think out loud and mither.

If it’s often it might be very irritating.

Ultimately it sounds as though you and your DH are just very different people.

Do you both spend all of your time which each other or does each have you have your own hobbies/friends etc ?

People pleaser in me is panicking that you’re talking about me but I avoid conflict and confrontation like the plague so I’m hoping it isn’t 😂😂

You sound lovely and like you're tying yourself in knots trying to please everybody. Your relationship with your children will change as they get older and you need to navigate this. But your DH sound like critical, fun-sponge. It sounds like he wants his life to be static and you to fit into this. It doesn't sound like he would be interested in looking at how you feel and trying to resolve things together. He seems to be starting from the premis that he's okay just the way he his and you need to change. But being enthusiastic and trying to please people aren't bad things on your part. Your happiness is important. And he's untidy...

I’m tired just reading this tbh.

I couldn’t do with dh getting in from work and then just chattering all night long. Moaning about work, having thoughts out loud like it’s a conversation when it’s internal monologue. Then seconding guessing himself on what he ate. Ah id go crazy.

Seems like you make a big deal of your routines too. Like the beach oh it’s X day we have to go to the beach today haha suckers. Or you could just go to the beach. It doesn’t have to be a thing that it’s always X day even if it is. Just go and have fun.

Honestly you would drive me insane.

My mother is similar. She’s never had a thought she hasn’t voiced and goes on and on about inconsequential things.

Have you ever tried not voicing everything out loud and letting other people enjoy the quiet ?

You say you're both becoming less tolerant of each other, are YOU happy in the relationship?

Your last line really reminded me of a woman I used to work with. Very argumentative and over the top, the type to say 'I just tell it like it is' while being nasty to people. Then if she was ever pulled up on it, the bottom lip would come out and she'd say things like oh well I just won't talk any more then, I'll just sit quietly in the corner so I don't upset anyone.

(Annie, is that you?? 😂)

You’ve described me. I’m finding how I am is wearing thin on my nearest and dearest, particularly my repetition - I irritate myself! I’m making a conscious effort to chill a bit, without quelling the parts of my personality that I know are fun

Difficult to say, from what you have posted, to what extent, or if you are at fault.

The fact that you are able to self appraise and own your faults is in your favour. Also, your husband was predumably aware of your personality style before he married and had kids with you?

You say that your husband has become intolerant and I would question why he has changed? Do you have any insight into this?