To think im not at fault here!!!!

This is really good advice. Hope you manage to take something positive from this thread.

I’m sorry but it seems like you feel you need to apologise for yourself please don’t do that. He married you as you were he doesn’t get to throw down with your children and call you crazy that’s not on.

i made excuses and apologies for myself for so long, allowed my children to disrespect me like yours and the more I allowed it the more they did it. If there are things about yourself that you need to work on ok work on them but do that for you not for a man who thinks that he can decide to change you years into a marriage. Believe me I twisted myself into all shapes to keep my ex and children happy and I was so unhappy. I then decided I deserved to have boundaries which I now hold, hence the husband now being the ex but actually my relationships with my children are so better.

It sounds to me like you've grown apart OP. I don't think you actually said how long you've been together, but people do change in all sorts of ways as time goes by. Why do you think that lots of couples go their separate ways when they retire? They've basically done what it sounds like you're doing, ie stuck together for the sake of the kids, and suddenly realise when one, or both retire, that they've actually got nothing left in common. Could this be the case with you, as it seems you no longer really like him, and he doesn't really like you either, plus you say he wouldn't go to any form of counselling, basically because he thinks he's right about everything, as so many men do. So, I think it's time for you to do some deep thinking, maybe take that weekend away you mentioned, but not to actually do anything very much, simply to rest, perhaps walk, and think about what you would like out of life if someone told you you only had 10 years left. Would you want to spend that 10 years with him, or would you think, OMG, I've wasted so much time putting up with doing the things we do because it's become a pattern, (it clearly has with going to the beach every year!), now I need to start living again BEFORE it's too late. In which case, what would YOU want to do?

Having read this I think I have lots of these characteristics too. It's often about taking responsibility for everyone having a good time and being entertained. The worrying thing is that this has always been fine but now it's not. Is there anything that might have triggered this change in attitude from your partner?

Clearly you're irritating him. But it's impossible to know whether that's because you've become more irritating or he less tolerant. Your DC could be siding with him because he's right, but equally because he's 'good cop' parent, or the one they most want to curry favour with. You don't really give examples of what he's criticised in order to say who is in the wrong, so its anybodies guess! I would say, he absolutely should not be drawing the DC in to side with him or belittling you by calling you 'mental' and on that alone I'm inclined to think he's at fault.

God, there are some proper nasty people on this thread. I hate it when OPs disappear or won't answer questions, or worse of all, when they give obtuse cryptic responses. OP here is engaging and has reflected and taken criticism we'll (and her husband sounds like a dick) and some people have to stick the knife in just because they can.

I originally thought yabu but after reading your posts I don't. I think it could be more likely that you've outgrown each other.
There's nothing wrong with your word count or the way that you post. There's no competition to use the least amount of word here.
I think you've taken criticism on really well, not everyone can do that.
Yes, people do get more annoying the longer you are with them.
My dp really irritates me but I keep a lid on it because it's half him being annoying and half me being irritable. I probably annoy the hell out of him too.
The doubting yourself as other people mentioned could be an anxiety thing. I'm guilty of this. Luckily for the most part my dp will give me a hug and tell me to chill out.
I agree with pp do more stuff for yourself. Go out with people who enjoy your company.

Hope you manage to find something that works for you.

Personality wise, you and your H don’t sound compatible. Your very different personalities, you might have gelled once upon a time but you’ve both got older and less tolerant of your differences. You have used your kids to distract yourself from your relationship and now you are realising your children soon won’t be physically be around to be your distraction.

I really can’t see you and your H lasting if you continue on this path and I can’t imagine your kids falling over themselves to visit when they leave. You might just have outgrown each other.

This reply illustrates that it is accurate, a whole reply of something that didn't need to be said

@Shitlord I think you're being deliberately mean. The OP was purely responding to your questions.

@Ivenamechangedsomanytimes
i feel really sorry for you, you sound unsure of yourself as everything you have done previously which has been fine is now criticised.
I understand the checking everything is ok, everyone is happy etc. I'm an overthinker too. Drop the rope with DH. Go and be your fabulous self with your friends and build your life that way. I think you'll find sooner or later though you will come to a decision point, your DHs traits have become more ingrained, come home, watch TV, don't make an effort to go out etc. you will find him stifling and will want out at some point.

I left my DH for similar reasons. (As well as others). I'd given up being excited about things (and do you know what, I genuinely am excited about visiting places, seeing stuff etc). He became more and more distant. I left. With a 4YO DD. We now have a life I love, holidays I enjoy, friendships that are great fun, and I'm still me. I've had to work on things like overthinking, and not voicing that all the time (and a good counsellor helped with that).

Dont make yourself smaller to fit him. By all means work on some things you need to, but don't break your neck trying to fix it. Leave him to it. And then decide in 6/12 months how that looks for you.

It's interesting you'd assume it was making fun. It wasn't. Yes, it was criticism (meant constructively). You had listed a great deal of detail to make that short statement. Which was PP's very point that you dismissed as bizarre.

I think look at your communication style. It wasn't fair or appropriate for your DH to call you mental etc, and I he would do well to be a lot more compassionate but I don't get the impression you're putting yourself across as well as you think you are which sounds frustrating.

I think you have a lot of anxiety, you're doing a lot of talking to fill gaps, but you're not really thinking about what you want to say, get done or what assurances you need. As I say, that might just be new things to do for you, interests or social focuses. People aren't against you here but it does sound like there are changes you could.make for your own wellbeing.

Haha wow! You really can't take any critique, can you? Not being sarcastic at all.

Reflection on what you could do differently is always helpful.

It's not bizarre, sorry. Why have you just written out your evening schedule?!

Again, not to say your DH is by any means perfect in all this but I think reflect on what you can do differently. Even your approach was looking for absolution when clearly there are things you can change for your part. That may be just for your own interest and benefit. I don't get the impression you're in the habit of very substantial reflection though. What do you think you could do differently? Not anyone else, you.

@Ivenamechangedsomanytimes not bizarre at all, when I read your comments it's almost like I can feel them going at 100mph through my head, I can imagine actually being with you in person is like a constant barrage/whoosh of words

I think constantly complaining becomes a bad habit.

I would try to spend a day without complaining and see how you feel.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time feeding your anxiety.

My mil is a lot like you. It gets frustrating listening to her question every decision. She would say she's a positive person, but the constant whining reminds me of Eeyore. It's exhausting.

I feel quite sad for you. I bet all the enthusiasm and fun, and arranging holidays and trips out is what has kept your family happy and running smoothly all these years. Now you're being called annoying or mental for those same traits.

I recommend some deep thought into what you want for your future. Talk to your family about how you feel. Don't change who you are but maybe find another outlet for your energy as the children rely on you less and less. Not sure what. Hobby or something. You should be able to be yourself in your home around your husband all the time.

If you're constantly processing your thoughts out loud and you don't want to, you could write it all in a journal. Rant in writing so some of it is out of your system. Only if you want to though.

OP someone once described my dp as a man who knows how to make a short story long. And the description is spot on.

he’ll take three times longer to say something because he goes off on tangents. But if you try to get him to get to the point he gets offended so you’re damned either way.

That doesn’t mean that our relationship isn’t a good one, it is. But it does irritate me when he goes on or insists that things are funny when they’re not.

As pp says things we find cute and endearing at the start can soon because ffs again after many years. Plus (put on hard hat) people get grumpier as they get older.

I think Lee evens even did a bit on it before. The wife dribbling her toothpaste ahhh look at her 🥰 15 years later. Alright dribbler 🙄

My dhs sense of humour certainly hasn’t changed and I often find myself rolling my eyes at his jokes rather then laughing like I would if the first time I heard it 15 years ago 😅 just like picking up pants out his shorts hasn’t improved with age either.

Regardless. You are who you are, and say you haven't changed. He has, and is changing. Are you still happy with that/him?